ryan – Page 2 – Terry Family Shenanigans

We Have A Third Driver!

We have been keeping an eye out for a good car for Matthew to use. Right now a used car is worth a lot more than it actually is worth so it is hard to find a decent reliable car for a decent price. Kenny said he would find us one, he is a mechanic so he knows a lot more about cars than we do. He found us one and Ryan and I decided to make a weekend of it to go out to Florida and bring it home. We flew out on Labor Day weekend. We spent a few hours in Tampa and had lunch with my parents and the French’s. Then we began our trek home.

Halfway through its final drive from Florida to Kansas, unbeknownst to us, it would never complete a drive again without some mechanical issues.

It felt like we were in college again, going on a trip and not knowing if we would make it in our 2011 well used Hyundai Sonata. About 20 minutes into our drive the check engine light came on. We called Kenny and he said if it wasn’t flashing and it seemed to be driving ok then we could keep going. So we did. The first night we stopped in Atlanta Georgia. The next day we drove a couple hours to Nashville Tennessee. Ryan had been there for work before and thought it was a fun place. I have wanted to go but never been. Once we got there we checked into a hotel right across from the Country Music Hall of Fame Museum. We spent the rest of the day exploring Nashville.

We went through the museum which was ok. I like country music but I am not a crazy fan of anyone in particular. We also went on a tour of Studio C. It is one of the original recording studios from the 1940’s. It was pretty cool. Hundreds of singers had recorded there over the years. Including Elvis Presley. The last part of the tour was in a room that he recorded a lot of his hits in. They told us about a typical recording session with him and his band. There was a broken cabinet that Elvis kicked one night and a panel came off. The piano was original too. I thought is was a cool tour. The rest of the evening we wandered around and did a little shopping. I wanted to find some cowboy boots but didn’t have any luck. It is a very friendly town. Of course at night there is endless live music to listen to. It was pretty awesome. It was all kinds of music too, not just country. There was a lot of talent.

The next morning we drove the rest of the way home. We dropped the car off at the mechanic we use to figure out why the engine light was on. I scheduled a detail for it because it was pretty gross inside and we looked forward to having a third car and driver to get people all the places we seem to need to go.

Fast forward six weeks and we found ourselves trading the Sonata in for a newer car that actually works. After getting it back from the mechanic, we found ourselves in a very frustrating and irritating cycle of getting the car from the mechanic, paying a couple hundred dollars to fix something then bringing it home to have it break again within two days and be taken in for another week to be fixed. It would randomly die sometimes. One of those times Matthew was backing out of our driveway and it died. He had no power steering or breaks and our driveway is a hill so he continued to roll when died. He rolled right into our neighbors nanny’s car. That was kind of the last straw for me. It is stressful enough to put your son who has basically no driving experience in a car and send him off on his own. To send him in a car I didn’t trust and proved many times it could create dangerous situations was nerve racking. On top of that, we were in the process of selling our house (more on that later) and by November 1st Matthew would be the girls and his ride to and from school so we had to have a working reliable safe car for him.

The car Matthew rolled into when his died unexpectedly. It looks like it isn’t that bad but that stupid dent cost more than $5000 to fix.

I decided to go through a dealership. I know I pay more money that way but if something goes crazy wrong I know where to go and have some sort of warranty and accountability with it, unlike a private seller. After some research I found a 2015 Honda Accord. They were willing to take the Sonata for more then a few other car places had offered me for it so that was nice. I did not want to sell it privately or have it sitting around reminding me how stupid it was, I didn’t have the time or patience for that. Two birds with one stone. We didn’t tell Matthew because we didn’t know if we were actually going to find a car or not. It was a nice surprise for him. He loves it and it has been so helpful for him to be able to get himself places and sometimes the girls. Game changer.

The new car. Matthew said he will probably name it but he hasn’t decided on one yet.

20th Anniversary

Ryan and I hit our 20th wedding anniversary this year. For our 10th anniversary we did a Caribbean cruise and we decided on that trip that for our 20th we wanted to do a European cruise and see Greece. About 2 years ago we booked it. We were planning to leave from Venice and see Greece, France, Rome and Barcelona. About two months before our cruise they emailed us and told us that our boat was being relocated to the Caribbean. We were welcome to stay on the cruise but it would not be in Europe obviously. We decided to cancel and Ryan did the research and planned out the trip for us instead. It was a lot more work and research for him. I didn’t do much, he did it all, and he did an amazing job. He had our flights, taxis and any other transportation we needed booked and ready to go for each place we went.

We already had a flight to Venice so we kept it and that was our first stop for a few days. Then we went to Santorini Greece, Mykonos Greece, and finished in Athens Greece. We were gone for 12 days. Ryan’s parents watched the kids for us. It was an amazing trip. It was both of our first time in Europe. We ate wonderful food, saw amazing places, met great people, stayed at beautiful hotels, and had an experience of a lifetime. It was incredible.

I decided to make a photo book on Shutterfly to show the pictures better so I wrote the details of our trip in that too. I will still include a few of my favorite pictures here in my blog though. So the short version here is we had a great time and we are excited to plan another trip to Europe sometime to see more of it!

January 2022

This January was a typical January. Not a lot going on. A good month to rest after all the holidays and re-group and plan for the upcoming year. It is a long slow month. I don’t mind though.

Ryan’s work did there usual January Christmas party for the company and their spouses. This year was a little different though because it was also the 10 year anniversary of the company starting. Ryan has been with them since they started so he made a little party planning committee and they put together a fun night for everyone. It was at a hotel in Lawrence Kansas. They had meetings Thursday and Friday and then Friday evening all the spouses came and joined for the party. They had a dinner followed by a casino night. They gave you fake money to play with and you won tickets with your money that you could bid on a bunch of prizes at the end. They did a good job. It was a fun night. Everyone stayed the night in the hotel and went home the next morning. I am glad he works at a company he enjoys and works with good people.

That is about the only event worth reporting in January. February came with a couple good snow storms this year. Ryan’s parents went to Idaho for a while to see Becky and her new baby boy Kaden. We took care of their house for them while they were gone. Ryan told the kids to go over and shovel his driveway. I am a sucker and they talked me into driving them over. Then they found his snow blower and asked if they could use that. I pulled it out and it was easy enough to use so I started using it and told them to shovel. At some point the new phone in my pocket that was less than two weeks old wiggled its way out of my pocket and fell on the ground. The snow hid it and the next time I came around I snow blowed it right up. I thought I had hit a heavy part of snow for a second and then didn’t think much about it. Matthew was standing at the top of the drive way in front of me and noticed a black object flying through the air land at his feet. He looked to see what it was and picked up my phone. It was no longer straight but had a nice arch to it. The phone did not survive its run through the snow blower. The case however came out with barely a scratch on it. I was pretty annoyed. I got to spend three hours of my day to go buy a second new phone. I got the special one for the price of two deal this time.

The Annual Race

The yearly race between Matthew and Ryan usually is on Matthew’s birthday. This year was delayed a few weeks due to one or the other of them not being in the optimal health they wanted to be in to participate in the race. Finally they both had a day with no tweaked muscles, lingering coughs, enough sleep the night before, and their lucky pair of socks were clean. Their excuses were a little ridiculous.

There was a bit of an upset this year. They had the first race and Matthew won. Uncle Ross happened to be filming them at the start and after Matthew’s celebration at winning showed that Matthew had false started and the race was thrown out.

They waited a few minutes until both agreed they could expend the full amount of energy needed for a second race. With explanations of what a false start was and was not still going between them they lined up again for the race that the winner gets a full year of bragging rights as the fastest Terry.

The second race ended with a photo finish. Ryan was half a step ahead and his knee crossed the line first. Matthew was a semi- gracious loser and told him to enjoy his last year of beating him because it won’t happen again. I don’t have the video Ross had of their start, I did see it though and it was a false start.

This is the official race.

My Birthday Trip

For my birthday this year everyone was sick or quarantining in case they got sick. That was not the original plan but that is what happened. So we put a little pin in my birthday and bumped it out a week and a half until everyone was better. Ryan cooked me many yummy meals- spaghetti and meatballs, steak, and my favorite chocolate layered cream cheese cake. Ryan remembered to cook the crust this year. Allison made me a cute birthday sign and the kids got me a sweet gift basket with lots of fun surprises in it.

Ryan decided to surprise me for my birthday with a trip to Chicago. He confirmed my availability without setting of any suspicion. Then he booked our hotel and flights. He even checked my email and filed the flight information into another folder so I wouldn’t see the confirmation. He was pretty proud of himself and I had no idea. Unfortunately, he was unable to out think all of the Google software data gathering (straight up snooping) even though he hid the emails, my calendar found them and the next time I checked my calendar a little message popped up asking me if I wanted to add my flight to Chicago to the calendar. I tried to act like I didn’t know but when Ryan straight up asked me if I knew I told him my calendar betrayed him.

As I said we ended up having to postpone the trip a bit but shortly after my birthday, we flew to Chicago and spent a long weekend there. We had a fun time with each other. We stayed at the Palmer Hotel. When we got there we decided to go to the Magic Show that the hotel is apparently famous for and has been showing since the 80’s. It was pretty fun. I love stuff like that. During the day we toured the city by foot, subway, or boat. In the evenings we went to shows. We ended up doing two different magic shows, a comedy show, and an old timey piano bar that played requests. The atmosphere was early 1900’s but the music was modern. In the mornings we slept in as long as we wanted. Glorious. It was a great weekend and I’m glad we squeezed it in because it is trade show season for Ryan at work now and since we have been back it seems like I haven’t seen him for a few weeks. We pass each other on the way to work or taking the kids somewhere, one of us is asleep before the other gets home and one of us is at work or taking Matthew to seminary before the other one is awake.

Mexico

Our much anticipated adults only vacation finally happened! We had a cruise scheduled for last December that was cancelled due to COVID. We rescheduled it for April this year and is was cancelled again for the same reason. We decided to push the cruise to next year for our 20th anniversary. Hopefully in a year cruises will be back and running. In the mean time we decided to go to an all inclusive resort and see if we liked it verses a cruise better. We went to Playa del Carmen and stayed in the Fairmont Mayakoba Resort. It was pretty swanky. In my head I pictured it like a fancy hotel room but we had our own little apartment and traveled around the resort by walking or golf cart to do the different things we wanted. There were lots of lizards. Tiny ones and big iguanas that we saw. We had a family of them that we saw around our bathroom. I told myself that they liked to stay in the bathroom where it was the most humid and wouldn’t crawl in my bed at night. We named them Larry, baby Larry, and Lizzy. When we were home and showing the kids pictures and talking to them about our trip they were the most jealous about our mini bar/fridge that was stocked daily with sodas, candy, chips, and a bunch of other snacks.

Eating breakfast at one of the restaurants before heading to the pool.

The weather was about 50/50 rainy and sunny while we were there. The day we had a tour around some of the places in Mexico, including the Mayan ruins was overcast and cloudy but no rain. It was still hot but no where near what it would have been if the sun was out. It was perfect. Some friends that were there a few months ago recommended we do an LDS tour with a family that has been running their own little business for group or personal tours. There is 8 kids if I remember right and all of them have a middle name from the Book of Mormon. The youngest is named Lemuel. His mom told him it was his job to make a new path for his name from his name sake. 🤣 Our friends tour guide was Helaman. My parents actually did a tour with them years ago on their cruise, their guides name was Alma. Our guide was Mosiah. It was a pretty awesome tour. He picked us up at our hotel and took us to Chichen-Itza, a cenote, and Ek Balam. He had lots of information about the ruins and pointed out ways that indicate the original religion was in God, Jesus, and the Holy Ghost and then over time when they became wicked turned them into multiple other Gods.

Inside the arena. You can’t see in this picture but up on the second level wall there is a small circle with a hole in the middle attached to the side. The players had to bounce a rubber ball through the hole using any part of their bodies, except their hands. The WINNERS were given the honor of being sacrificed.

Between the two ruins we went and saw, Mosiah took us to a small little town and we ate lunch at a very authentic Mexican store/restaurant. Ryan thought it was pretty awesome. It reminded him of Bolivia. The food was really good. We had black bean soup and tacos with various kinds of pork and sauces. After lunch he took us to a cenote. They are really common there. It is basically a giant hole or cavern underground that gets filled with water from under ground rivers. They come in all different sizes. He took us to a smaller town with one that is pretty quiet and for most of the time we were the only ones there.

We headed to the beach to spend one of our days. We had heard there was a bit of a seaweed issue. We were fine with that. We thought we would go and sit in a chair and enjoy the view and eat lunch. When we wanted to swim we could come back to the pools. It turns out a ‘bit of a seaweed problem’ means ten foot tall mounds as far as you can see in either direction and crews of people netting and raking it up out of the ocean and not even making a dent. The smell was what we couldn’t handle. We had dinner reservations on the beach one night but after our visit we decided to cancel them and eat at a different restaurant.

One of the days we went into Playa Del Carmen and walked 5th avenue. Right after we got there a guy came up to us and said he was our waiter from the hotel and he wanted to show us his shop. He totally swindled us. We both thought he was an actual waiter from the hotel. We bought a few things from him and left. About ten seconds later, another shop owner came up to us and said he was our waiter. That is when we realized we had fallen for the number one tourist trick on the whole street. Amazingly we ran into 40 waiters that happened to work at our hotel. We figured out the umbrella we were carrying from the hotel was drawing all the attention. Despite that we got some good souvenirs and had fun walking around and seeing everything. The beach by the shopping area was covered in seaweed too.

We had a wonderful vacation and enjoyed ourselves very much. I got my first stamp on my pass port. We both decided that the resort was awesome and we had a great time but all things considered we like cruising a little more. There is a bigger variety of activities to do and you see more places with out having to do the traveling yourself once you are on the ship. We had fun and made some great memories together that will get us fueled and relaxed until our next trip together.

Dad’s 42nd Birthday

Dad wanted to have a family dinner and game night with all the KC Terry families for his birthday. He smoked some meat and Ross and him played several games. I played one too, since it was his birthday and Father’s Day he said I had to. He spent most of the day on Saturday golfing with his new clubs. He stuck with his traditional birthday cake request of “mom’s chocolate cake”. It was a great weekend. We are all very happy that he is in our family.

The Meeting.

The first phone call, then video call was pretty nerve racking and intense for both Ryan and Sherrie. It took Sherrie several hours before she felt like she could even talk on the phone with Ryan let a lone meet him. Ryan had started looking in December and new the possibility of finding her was on the horizon at some point but from Kenny’s call that he found her to them talking was less then 16 hours. Sherrie had resigned to never knowing about Ryan in this life. She didn’t know his name, if he was alive, or that he had decided to find her. From the time she got the call from Perry it was about 7 hours later Ryan and her talked on the phone.

I sat by him the first few minutes of their first conversation. It was a little weird and awkward, neither one was exactly sure what to say. They both expected that though. The first thing I noticed was her sweet Arkansas accent (that I have a hard time not falling into every time I have talked with her since) and the kindness of her voice. I left shortly after they started talking when Ryan gave me the ok node and they talked for about an hour.

Over the next while they continued to text and occasionally talk on the phone or a video call. Eventually they decided they were ready to meet in person. Ryan said he wanted to meet more of the family eventually but he wanted to meet just Sherrie first. Instead of meeting at one of their own homes they got it worked out to meet at Genevie’s house. Her and her husband would both be working all day so they could have the house to themselves. She lives about 3 1/2 hours from us and 2 hours from Sherrie. Ryan asked if I would go with him but wanted the first meeting to be without the kids so Ross and Lauren helped us out and watched them. We were going to go down the night before and stay in a hotel but things didn’t work out so we left early that morning. We planned to stay a few hours then head home. On the drive down Ryan was a basket case. He kept saying he was hungry, then not hungry, then nauseas, then hungry. I told him I thought he was just very nervous-and he was. We had to switch drivers the last little but because he couldn’t sit still or focus.

We got to Genevieve’s about 11am. On the drive down I asked Ryan if he wanted me to discreetly record their first meeting. He said no because he thought it would make it more weird and awkward then it was already going to be. I said ok and decided I was still going to do it. We got out of the car once we got there and Ryan walked up to the front door, I walked behind him recording without his knowledge. He took several deep breaths and said he might vomit or pass out then range the doorbell.

It was a pretty awesome meeting. Sherri opened the door and they gave each other a really long hug. I got one too. We spent the rest of the afternoon talking. I mostly listened and filled conversation in when there was a lull. I am not usually the one with this job so it was a little weird but I enjoyed watching them get to know each other. Ryan loved hearing about similarities in looks and likes and traits that he had with people in his family. At one point they were exclaiming how excited they were to find out Sherrie has asthma just like Matthew since it is genetic. They talked about lots of different things. Sherrie kept apologizing for giving Ryan away and he kept reassuring her that he was happy and loved his parents and his life they gave him. I brought some pictures for her to look through. There were a few tears from everyone but overall it was a very happy meeting. Sherrie made us lunch and before we new it, it was 4 pm. Ryan was a little more comfortable so he suggested that if Perry and his wife (who lived a few minutes away) wanted to come over he would be fine with that. Robert, Genevieve’s husband and their son Eric also came over because he finished work. At 7pm we decided we had better get home. The day went by really fast and was really nice. Ryan told Kenny and Sherri about it on the way home and then we just reviewed the day and talked about it the rest of the way. I also told Ryan that I had decided to record their first meeting even though he told me not too. He had no idea I had done it and was glad I had.

I haven’t been to many meetings of a birth mom meeting her son she gave up for adoption 42 years after the fact for the first time. I think it couldn’t have gone much better though. It was an awesome experience I was happy I got to witness it. I am excited for Sherrie and Ryan to get to know each other.

Sharing The News

Telling his parents weighed the most on him. The night after he talked to Sherrie for the first time he went over to talk to his parents. Rhonda was having a rough day health wise so he decided to wait. He went over for the next several days in a row to tell them but Rhonda seemed to be getting worse. She ended up being checked into the hospital and we found out she had lymphoma. Ryan wanted to share the news but didn’t want to stress his mom out more. He knew she would be emotional about it and was worried about the stress it would cause her. She ended up being in the hospital for over a week. One of the evenings he spent in the hospital with her they had a talk that ended up leading towards Ryan finding his birth mom at some point. Ryan didn’t tell her then because he didn’t want to tell her while she was in the hospital but he was able to talk with her and let he know that some day he wanted to meet her. He felt it was a blessing to prep her a little before he told her when she felt good enough. A few days after Rhonda got home from the hospital Ryan and I walked over to see his parents and Ross was there. Rhonda was having a good night and Ryan decided to tell them. Ryan said he thought it went as well as he expected it would. I think it went a lot better than I expected it too. Ryan did an amazing job of sharing his story with them about why he finally decided to find his birth mom and how he found her. Roger was very receptive and seemed happy for Ryan. Rhonda was sad and made a few comments about Ryan leaving her. Ryan assured her she was his mom forever and that would never change and he never wanted it to change. Over the past several weeks since he talked to his parents he has talked with them several more times about his experiences. At some point Ryan hopes that his mom and dad will be able to meet Sherrie. Rhonda wants to wait until she is better and everyone understands that. He is looking forward to their meeting and thinks they will be great friends. Sherrie has told Ryan many times that Rhonda is her hero. She has thought of her as that from the day Ryan was born and she is so happy that she is such an amazing mom to Ryan. Thinking of her taking care of Ryan over the years and loving him brought her a lot of peace.

Ryan has spent a lot of time thinking and processing his thoughts and how others might feel or react. I have been touched by his concern for others while he has been navigating all the emotions he didn’t expect at the same time. He has been open and honest with everyone and has wanted to help his family understand he loves them and finding his biological family doesn’t and won’t change any of that. He has no doubt that Heavenly Father was guiding and helping him get to the family he was supposed to be with and everything worked out the way it was supposed to. There have been many things that have happened through this whole process that have shown him that God is still watching out for him and his family and guiding him to find people and tell them at the right times. I have seen a lot of spiritual and emotional growth in him the past few months.

Shortly after Ryan and Sherrie spoke on the phone for the first time, her husband Dave sent Ryan an email. The first week after finding Sherrie Ryan was extremely emotional and had a lot of mixed feelings about things. He found Dave’s email very comforting and was appreciative of him sending it to him. It helped him know a little more about who Sherrie and he were.

Dear Ryan:

I just wanted to say thank you for your courage and boldness in reaching out to Sherrie. This was the secret desire of her heart to know that she could know that you were safe and happy, and getting to hear from you and meet you is wonderful.

I thought I’d just share a few things with you concerning Sherrie.

She is a fiercely devoted mother and Grandmother. Her children and grandchildren are constantly calling her. The grandchildren are always asking “Meme are you going to be at my…(birthday party, school lunch, sacrament meeting, tomorrow…)?” It is really delightful the way they seek her out.

We live in a somewhat economically depressed area of Arkansas in Yell County. The county covers 927 square miles. In 1992 we were formed as a Branch and started with a regular attendance of about 18 people. There have been times when our attendance was only 11. That said, we are still a very small Branch, and as you can imagine, the few active members have always had multiple callings and assignments. Throughout the years, Sherrie has held every possible calling and has been enthusiastic in serving in whatever calling she had. In our Branch we have seen a lot of people join the Church, embrace the Gospel, improve financially, then move on to better opportunity. We have birds that regularly build nests on our windows. They build, raise their babies, then fly off. We often feel that’s the way our Branch operates.

in July 1998, Eric, our middle son, was diagnosed with cancer. On April 7, 2000, just 3 days before Sherrie’s Birthday, Eric (10 years old) passed away in Cardinal Glennon Hospital in St. Louis. We buried him on April 11, 2000, the day after Sherrie’s birthday. That was a very difficult event for our entire family, but especially for Sherrie. However, we know that families are eternal, and we will be with Eric again.

Sherrie and I met in August 1979, and were married January 18, 1990. She was a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints and I was not. Shortly after we met, she told me that she had a child and had delivered the child for adoption. I know that it hurt her tremendously, but we couldn’t discuss it. I know that it was always her desire to be assured that you were safe, that you would have grown up strong with Faith in Christ. However, she knew that she couldn’t seek you out and threaten the family and your mother by just popping up. So she silently hoped the best for you in her heart.

Imagine the joy that you have brought her by reaching out. Imagine her joy in knowing you have a strong family, and you have a wife and children of your own. By your reaching out to Sherrie has freed her to be able to openly and honestly discuss this with her children, parents, brothers and sisters.

I want you to know that this is a great blessing you have given us by reaching out to Sherrie.

Thank you.

May Heavenly Father Bless your Mother and Father, your sisters and brothers, your wife and your children. May your children’s children remember your gift and blessing.

Respectfully, and Sincerely

David E. Torgerson

The day Sherrie found out about Ryan, she immediately wanted to tell her kids. She told Giselle and Austin together at Giselle’s house. After she told them Sherrie called David and said she had something she needed to talk to all of them about and they were all coming over to his house that evening. When David hung up the phone, he told his wife he had something to tell her. He said he had an older brother that his mom gave up for adoption before he was born. He said his mom was coming over and he knew it was about his brother. She either found him, or found out that he wasn’t alive. While David was waiting for his mom he then got to explain to his wife of 17+ years of marriage why this was the first time she was hearing anything about an older brother that had been given up for adoption.

Sherrie and Dave’s oldest son is named David too. He first learned about Ryan on his mission when he wrote her a letter and said he wanted to know, not if, but who his older brother was because he knew he had one. Sherrie told him about Ryan through letters. She didn’t know anything other than he was a boy so other than her experience she didn’t have much to share. When David was talking with his mission president at his exit interview from his mission he told his president about Ryan and that he was planning on going to find him and meet him. His mission president told him that while he understood his desire, he didn’t think it was best for him to find Ryan. He told him Ryan had his own life and they didn’t know anything about it and it wasn’t fair to disrupt it. Ryan might not even know he was adopted. David decided to not try and find his brother at that time. When Sherrie called David the day she found out about Ryan and said she wanted to come over and talk with him and his family, David said he immediately knew it was something about Ryan. He knew Sherrie had found him and he was reaching out to her or she found out he had passed away. Once Sherrie confirmed that Ryan had reached out to her and wanted to connect with her and her family, David immediately texted Ryan and said he had been hoping to meet him for years and was looking forward to getting to know him.

Giselle and Austin had no idea about Ryan. The first they heard was the day Ryan contacted Sherrie. It was a shock to them but they seemed to take it in stride.

Austin said hi over text but there wasn’t much more communication until they met in person a few months later. Being 25 and not married his perspective of the situation was a little different then everyone else. It might be a while before he realizes and processes all the baggage that goes with this. They have a similar sense of humor and many interests that are the same. I think they will have a comfortable relationship in the future.

Giselle went through shock and acceptance of having a ‘lost brother’ pretty quick and reached out to Ryan and zoomed with him pretty quickly. Shortly after they talked she had a lot of emotions set it and has been a little overwhelmed sorting through them. She is excited to meet and get to know Ryan but feels a sense of loss at the same time. She told him she missed him after they talked and was sad that she had missed out on his life even though she didn’t know about him. She had the most trepidation in meeting Ryan. Sherrie and David have a son named Eric that passed away when he was ten years old from cancer. Eric was a few years older than Giselle and Austin. I think a lot of the feelings of losing her brother Eric have resurfaced since finding Ryan. Everyone agrees that Ryan looks the most like Eric and it would be strange to have a brother that entered your life years later that looked so much like a brother you had lost. It is a lot to process. I think they will be able to have a good relationship at some point but it will take a little time.

Genevieve, like David, somehow new that she had an older brother besides David when she was younger. When she was 13 she cornered her mom and said she wanted to know about him. She never knew if she would meet him but she hoped someday it might happen. When Sherrie told her about Ryan she asked where he was and immediately wanted to meet him. Several weeks later it worked out that she came to visit our house with Sherrie and was able to meet Ryan. She is a sweet person and seemed to immediately be ready to have Ryan in her life.

Ryan had been talking with Ross and keeping him updated on the search and finally finding Sherrie. He was excited for Ryan but also had a little worry for a minute when he found out because of the possibility of change. He was at Rhonda’s house when Ryan told his parents and helped her understand that finding his birth mom didn’t mean she was losing or even changing the relationship Ryan had with his family. I was glad he was there, Ryan told me later that he was glad he was there too.

We waited to tell our kids until after Ryan had talked to his parents. We didn’t want any chance of one of them letting it slip before Ryan could talk to them first. We were unsure how they would react and nervous about telling them. Our concern was unfounded though. They new Ryan was adopted and seemed to take it completely in stride when we told them that he had found his birth mom. Emilee in particular was tickled pink that she would have even more cousins to play with. Allison told us that she wasn’t going to call Sherrie grandma because she had two grandma’s already but didn’t seem opposed to someday possibly meeting her. Matthew was a typical 14 year old teenager and said. “Ok, can I go back to playing basketball.” It was a relief to know (other than Allison stating her loyalty, which we told her was just fine and her grandma’s would appreciate her devotion) they didn’t seem to be rocked or concerned when we told them. Kids are pretty great at accepting and embracing changes.

When Ryan found out about Sherrie and contacted her it was a crazy overwhelming experience. He was able share it with a lot of his family and close friends over the next several weeks. I am writing this to help him remember the experience and feelings he had. He recorded some on his own as well. Some people have said what amazing coincidences have happened over the years but we know it isn’t coincidences. This whole experience has been and continues to have amazing little miracles happen that confirm to us that Heavenly Father is so aware of each of us. It has left Ryan without a doubt that his mom and dad were meant to be his parents and the way he got to them wasn’t the conventional way but Heavenly Father guided everyone to help not just Ryan but Sherrie, Roger, Rhonda, and their families. It is a pretty amazing story.

I am so grateful for the family and friends that have shared the excitement, concern, and dozens of other emotions that have taken turns at the front of the line the past few months. Kenny spent hours and hours finding the right person that linked Ryan to Sherrie. Ryan followed the prompting to reach out to Perry who facilitated and prepared Sherrie to find Ryan. My family, Ryan’s family, Sherrie’s family, and our amazing friends the Dunn’s, Johnson, Sam, the McDonald’s and a lot more have been nothing but supportive of Ryan as he has started navigating through all of this. It is pretty incredible how everything has turned out.

First Conversations

It was 1pm on Friday and Ryan had another meeting at 2pm. He decided that he couldn’t wait that long so he called Perry back. Perry answered the phone and Ryan said, “Hi, this is Ryan. This is kind of crazy.”

Perry said, “Hi Ryan, we know who you are and we have been praying for you, your whole life. My sister Sherrie is your birth mom. She would love to connect with you if you want.”

They talked for most of the next hour on Ryan’s way to his next meeting. Perry told him that he had gotten his Facebook Message and his email right away. He was pretty shocked but immediately contacted his wife. She is one of their family experts on family history so she started doing a little fact checking on Ryan to make sure he wasn’t a weirdo. She googled him, searched him on Linked In, and Facebook. They were able to find some pictures of him. They could see the family resemblance right away and Ryan’s birth date and place matched the information they knew about his sister giving up her baby. They showed a picture of Ryan to one of their sons and asked him who he looked like without any explanation. He looked at it for about two seconds and said, Austin. Austin was his cousin and Sherrie’s youngest son, which would make him Ryan’s half brother, if Sherrie was Ryan’s birth mom. She followed the family history Ryan and given them based on his DNA with their own family history and confirmed that they also thought they were related. His wife said she thought Ryan was a legit person and didn’t give off any big red crazy flags so with a cautious concern to Perry to remember we have a mother’s (Rhonda) feelings to protect and consider as they moved forward. They decided to proceed and contact Sherrie and let her know Ryan had contacted them and then contact Ryan back and tell him he had found his biological family.

Sherrie now lived in Arkansas about an hour away from Perry. She has a son at BYU, and a married daughter and son that lived in Utah with their families. She had gone out to see them for a little bit and was supposed to fly home that Friday. The airlines had contacted her and told her that her flight had been canceled so she ended up staying an extra day or two in Utah. Instead of being on an airplane when Perry called, she was helping her daughter pick up one of her kids from school. When she answered Perry’s call he told her he’d had an amazing experience that he wanted to share with her. He told her he wanted her to sit down. Perry told her that a young man had reached out to him and said he was looking to find his biological family. He told her they had confirmed it the best they could and were pretty positive that it was the baby she had given up for adoption in 1979.

Sherrie was beyond shocked. Of all the possible things that ran through her mind when Perry said he needed to tell her something, this had not been one of them. She was immediately overwhelmed. Perry told her all the information he had and asked her if she wanted him to contact Ryan back and if she wanted to talk to him. Sherrie said she definitely wanted to talk with him but needed a bit to process and get her emotions under control and tell her kids. Perry told her he would be in touch and hung up to call Ryan.

Here are some of the things Perry and Ryan talked about on their first phone call together.

Perry told Ryan he was really glad that he had reached out to him first so he could contact Sherrie first. Later on everyone in the family told Ryan he picked the perfect person to contact first in the family. That was a confirmation to Ryan that he had definitely been lead by The Spirit to contact Perry first instead of Bill Bertelson.

Perry told Ryan that his sister had gotten pregnant and he found out while he was on his mission so she had already had the baby and given him up for adoption and moved out to Utah before he came home from his mission. He said they didn’t talk about it a lot over the years but there were a few occasions they did. It wasn’t a secret but it was very painful for Sherrie to discuss and think about. They always hoped he was ok and happy and with a good family and prayed for him.

Sherrie was now married and had 5 more children after Ryan. David was married and lived with his wife and six children in Herriman Utah. Their next oldest Genevieve was married and lived with her husband and son in Arkansas about an hour from Sherrie. Their third child was a daughter that lived in Herriman Utah as well, and her and her husband had two boys. They had another son named Eric that got cancer when he was around 10 years old and passed away. Their youngest son was named Austin and he was finishing up his last semester at BYU.

Perry asked Ryan if he wanted him to have Sherrie contact him. Ryan was feeling pretty overwhelmed. At this point it had barely been twelve hours since Kenny had contacted him telling him he found his biological family. Now he had it confirmed and knew not only his biological mom which was mind blowing in itself but also aunts, uncles, nieces, nephews, grandparents, and four living half siblings. He told Perry that he did want to talk with her and when she was ready he would like to talk on the phone. Perry gave him Sherrie’s phone number and passed Ryan’s on to her.

After Ryan’s call ended with Perry he took a few minutes to group call Sherri, Kenny and I and fill us in on as much of the conversation as he could in about 5 minutes before heading into his next meeting even though his mind was on nothing but the conversation he had just had with his new found Uncle. After his last meeting of the day he was finally able to come home and sit down and try to digest everything he had discovered in the last few hours.

The rest of Sherrie’s day after her phone call from Perry.

Sherrie had a lot of difficult emotions she had wrapped up in a tight little box over the years around discovering she was pregnant and going through the process of giving Ryan up for adoption. Some of the bigger players being guilt and regret. When her two oldest children David and Genevieve were growing up there were a few times they asked about their older brother. Sherrie didn’t know if someone else had told them, or she said something about it she didn’t remember but to her knowledge she had never told them about their older brother. Each time they asked she tried to change the subject or disregard the question. When Genevieve was about 13 years old she came to her mom and told her that she had always felt like she had an older brother besides David and she needed to know why. Sherri decided to tell her at that time she did have a son before David that she had given up for adoption. She didn’t know anything else about him and most likely they would never meet him in this life. Later on when David was in the MTC for his mission, he sent his mom a letter describing the same thoughts Genevieve had years earlier and wanted to know not if, but who his older brother was. Sherri wrote him back and told him her story. Ending with the same thing she told Genevieve, she didn’t think it was possible they would ever know who he was or meet him in this life.

Sherrie never told her Giselle or Austin about Ryan. When Sherrie got off the phone with Perry, her daughter saw her face and was concerned. She could tell something big had happened. She started asking her mom questions and trying to figure out what happened. Sherrie told her she needed all three of her kids that were in Utah to get together because she had something to tell them, but she only wanted to say it once.

It took a few hours for Austin to come to Giselle’s house. Sherri stuck to her guns and wouldn’t say anything until he got there. She called David and told him she would be coming over to his house after she talked to them and he was done at work to tell him something important. When Austin got to Giselle’s they sat down and Sherri told them about giving Ryan up for adoption and that he had reached out to Perry and wanted to talk with her. They learned they had a half brother. Obviously they were shocked. They spent some time talking about it and then went over to David’s and told him the brother he thought he would never meet had reached out to Sherrie.

Later that evening Sherrie texted Ryan for the first time. She said she was very nervous and would probably be weird and awkward but when he was ready she would like to call him. Ryan texted her back and said he was going to be weird and awkward too but her was ready to talk when she was. Sherrie called him back almost immediately. I listened long enough for them to get through their hellos and hear Sherrie’s sweet Arkansas accent then left the room. They talked for about an hour and started to get to know each other. They talked about their day and the emotions they had experienced and started to share the stories of their lives. At the end of their conversation they decided they would try a zoom call the next evening. The next night they saw each other through their computers and talked for several more hours.