All right dear Allison. This post is about you. Maybe no one ever reads it again. Maybe we laugh about it together in the future. Maybe it is just for immediate therapy.
You are a strong willed, determined, passionate human being. I love those qualities in you but I admit they are also sometimes difficult to help you learn to manage and direct. I know sometimes I am to overbearing and short and impatient with you. I promise it is something I work on daily. Darn it girl! You don’t make it easy sometimes. We seem to struggle more sometimes than others with getting along with each other and lately it has been more struggle than not.
Yesterday we had some dentist appointments and then were meeting some friends at the Butterfly Garden to spend the afternoon. The dental appointments went a little quicker than usual, we had an hour drive and were still going to be a little early to meet our friends. There was a McDonald’s right next to us so I asked the girls if they wanted to get a little snack to eat on the way at McDonald’s. This is how the next few minutes went.
Me: Ok, I will swing by McDonald’s and you can each get something.
Allison: Is there a Wendy’s? I like Wendy’s better.
Me: No, there is not a Wendy’s around here. We are by McDonald’s already, that is why I said McDonald’s.
Allison: We passed a Burger King on the way here. Can we go there instead?
Me: (deep breath- 9 out of 10 times when we have any plans or decisions made Allison will request they be changes for her convenience- we have time to kill, it isn’t a big deal) Sure, it isn’t on the way but since it is pretty close and we have a little extra time we can go to Burger King instead.
A few minutes later pulling into BK I ask the girls what they want. Emilee wants french toast sticks and Allison requests mozzarella sticks. It is still early so I ask the employee if they are making mozzarella sticks or not. They say they are not but will make them ‘special’. I look at the menu and it says 4 or 8 sticks, and ask Allison how many she wants.
Allison: I want 5.
Me: They don’t do 5. You can do 4 or 8.
Allison: I only want 5. I will eat 6. Can you ask them for 6.
Me: (deep breath-Allison often likes to ignore facts, rules, or guidelines and will just keep repeating her question/statement to see if the answer will change) 6 is not an option. 4 or 8 is the option. If you want 6 get 8 and share the rest with others.
Allison: Uugg. I will do 4. Ask them for extra mozzarella.
Me: They are already made sticks, you can’t add mozzarella to them.
Allison: Why can’t you just ask. It doesn’t seem hard to add cheese to something.
Me: (deep breath) Tell the person we are ready to order and ask for 8 mozzarella. As I do this Allison repeats over and over in my ear from the back seat to just ask for extra mozzarella. I ignore her.
Allison: Rolls her window down (which I usually have locked for reasons just like this) and interrupts me and asks the employee if she can change her order to 6 sticks and add extra cheese.
I take another deep breath while the employee says, as you might expect, “We only have 4 or 8 sticks, and we can’t add extra cheese but we can do extra sauce.” Allison then changes her order to 4 sticks and NO extra sauce. I take another deep breath and pull forward to get the food. As we wait she repeatedly asks in my ear from the back seat to ask for extra sauce because she now wants extra sauce. They hand me me the bag and there is a large container of sauce-easily plenty for 4 sticks. She insists it is not enough, so I ask for an extra sauce and we drive away.
Allison ends up eating 4 sticks with no sauce because ‘it tastes weird’.
I have had several conversations with Allison in the past when my patience is better about doing things efficiently, or easily, or conveniently, or considering others time or preferences. When I finish she explains to me that efficiency, ease, and convenience are below zero on her scale of importance when making decisions and other peoples needs she will try to consider more often but by her tone are barely above the previous reasons. Her desires, interests, aesthetic appeal, and fun are what drives her decisions. So we continue our daily interactions with very different approaches. One thing is for sure, we will both help each other build our patience and endurance.
