April – Page 2 – Terry Family Shenanigans

First Conversations

It was 1pm on Friday and Ryan had another meeting at 2pm. He decided that he couldn’t wait that long so he called Perry back. Perry answered the phone and Ryan said, “Hi, this is Ryan. This is kind of crazy.”

Perry said, “Hi Ryan, we know who you are and we have been praying for you, your whole life. My sister Sherrie is your birth mom. She would love to connect with you if you want.”

They talked for most of the next hour on Ryan’s way to his next meeting. Perry told him that he had gotten his Facebook Message and his email right away. He was pretty shocked but immediately contacted his wife. She is one of their family experts on family history so she started doing a little fact checking on Ryan to make sure he wasn’t a weirdo. She googled him, searched him on Linked In, and Facebook. They were able to find some pictures of him. They could see the family resemblance right away and Ryan’s birth date and place matched the information they knew about his sister giving up her baby. They showed a picture of Ryan to one of their sons and asked him who he looked like without any explanation. He looked at it for about two seconds and said, Austin. Austin was his cousin and Sherrie’s youngest son, which would make him Ryan’s half brother, if Sherrie was Ryan’s birth mom. She followed the family history Ryan and given them based on his DNA with their own family history and confirmed that they also thought they were related. His wife said she thought Ryan was a legit person and didn’t give off any big red crazy flags so with a cautious concern to Perry to remember we have a mother’s (Rhonda) feelings to protect and consider as they moved forward. They decided to proceed and contact Sherrie and let her know Ryan had contacted them and then contact Ryan back and tell him he had found his biological family.

Sherrie now lived in Arkansas about an hour away from Perry. She has a son at BYU, and a married daughter and son that lived in Utah with their families. She had gone out to see them for a little bit and was supposed to fly home that Friday. The airlines had contacted her and told her that her flight had been canceled so she ended up staying an extra day or two in Utah. Instead of being on an airplane when Perry called, she was helping her daughter pick up one of her kids from school. When she answered Perry’s call he told her he’d had an amazing experience that he wanted to share with her. He told her he wanted her to sit down. Perry told her that a young man had reached out to him and said he was looking to find his biological family. He told her they had confirmed it the best they could and were pretty positive that it was the baby she had given up for adoption in 1979.

Sherrie was beyond shocked. Of all the possible things that ran through her mind when Perry said he needed to tell her something, this had not been one of them. She was immediately overwhelmed. Perry told her all the information he had and asked her if she wanted him to contact Ryan back and if she wanted to talk to him. Sherrie said she definitely wanted to talk with him but needed a bit to process and get her emotions under control and tell her kids. Perry told her he would be in touch and hung up to call Ryan.

Here are some of the things Perry and Ryan talked about on their first phone call together.

Perry told Ryan he was really glad that he had reached out to him first so he could contact Sherrie first. Later on everyone in the family told Ryan he picked the perfect person to contact first in the family. That was a confirmation to Ryan that he had definitely been lead by The Spirit to contact Perry first instead of Bill Bertelson.

Perry told Ryan that his sister had gotten pregnant and he found out while he was on his mission so she had already had the baby and given him up for adoption and moved out to Utah before he came home from his mission. He said they didn’t talk about it a lot over the years but there were a few occasions they did. It wasn’t a secret but it was very painful for Sherrie to discuss and think about. They always hoped he was ok and happy and with a good family and prayed for him.

Sherrie was now married and had 5 more children after Ryan. David was married and lived with his wife and six children in Herriman Utah. Their next oldest Genevieve was married and lived with her husband and son in Arkansas about an hour from Sherrie. Their third child was a daughter that lived in Herriman Utah as well, and her and her husband had two boys. They had another son named Eric that got cancer when he was around 10 years old and passed away. Their youngest son was named Austin and he was finishing up his last semester at BYU.

Perry asked Ryan if he wanted him to have Sherrie contact him. Ryan was feeling pretty overwhelmed. At this point it had barely been twelve hours since Kenny had contacted him telling him he found his biological family. Now he had it confirmed and knew not only his biological mom which was mind blowing in itself but also aunts, uncles, nieces, nephews, grandparents, and four living half siblings. He told Perry that he did want to talk with her and when she was ready he would like to talk on the phone. Perry gave him Sherrie’s phone number and passed Ryan’s on to her.

After Ryan’s call ended with Perry he took a few minutes to group call Sherri, Kenny and I and fill us in on as much of the conversation as he could in about 5 minutes before heading into his next meeting even though his mind was on nothing but the conversation he had just had with his new found Uncle. After his last meeting of the day he was finally able to come home and sit down and try to digest everything he had discovered in the last few hours.

The rest of Sherrie’s day after her phone call from Perry.

Sherrie had a lot of difficult emotions she had wrapped up in a tight little box over the years around discovering she was pregnant and going through the process of giving Ryan up for adoption. Some of the bigger players being guilt and regret. When her two oldest children David and Genevieve were growing up there were a few times they asked about their older brother. Sherrie didn’t know if someone else had told them, or she said something about it she didn’t remember but to her knowledge she had never told them about their older brother. Each time they asked she tried to change the subject or disregard the question. When Genevieve was about 13 years old she came to her mom and told her that she had always felt like she had an older brother besides David and she needed to know why. Sherri decided to tell her at that time she did have a son before David that she had given up for adoption. She didn’t know anything else about him and most likely they would never meet him in this life. Later on when David was in the MTC for his mission, he sent his mom a letter describing the same thoughts Genevieve had years earlier and wanted to know not if, but who his older brother was. Sherri wrote him back and told him her story. Ending with the same thing she told Genevieve, she didn’t think it was possible they would ever know who he was or meet him in this life.

Sherrie never told her Giselle or Austin about Ryan. When Sherrie got off the phone with Perry, her daughter saw her face and was concerned. She could tell something big had happened. She started asking her mom questions and trying to figure out what happened. Sherrie told her she needed all three of her kids that were in Utah to get together because she had something to tell them, but she only wanted to say it once.

It took a few hours for Austin to come to Giselle’s house. Sherri stuck to her guns and wouldn’t say anything until he got there. She called David and told him she would be coming over to his house after she talked to them and he was done at work to tell him something important. When Austin got to Giselle’s they sat down and Sherri told them about giving Ryan up for adoption and that he had reached out to Perry and wanted to talk with her. They learned they had a half brother. Obviously they were shocked. They spent some time talking about it and then went over to David’s and told him the brother he thought he would never meet had reached out to Sherrie.

Later that evening Sherrie texted Ryan for the first time. She said she was very nervous and would probably be weird and awkward but when he was ready she would like to call him. Ryan texted her back and said he was going to be weird and awkward too but her was ready to talk when she was. Sherrie called him back almost immediately. I listened long enough for them to get through their hellos and hear Sherrie’s sweet Arkansas accent then left the room. They talked for about an hour and started to get to know each other. They talked about their day and the emotions they had experienced and started to share the stories of their lives. At the end of their conversation they decided they would try a zoom call the next evening. The next night they saw each other through their computers and talked for several more hours.

Gulf Shores Alabama 2021

The kids had spring break in March like usual this year but we decided to postpone a bit and went to Gulf Shores in Alabama in April instead. We originally invited Grandma and Grandpa Terry to go with us and Ross and Lauren and their family. Grandma and Grandpa decided they didn’t want to go in case Grandma wasn’t feeling good. She had her second chemo treatment the day before we left. So it was the Terry cousins and us. We left a Friday after school and drove the first 4 1/2 hours then stayed the night at a hotel. Driving wasn’t bad at all. The kids and adults swapped around between the two cars so we seemed to have more peaceful traveling. When we headed out the next morning we had about 10 hours left to drive. We stopped at Mammoth Springs and walked around the lake and saw the waterfall. Uncle Ross stood on one side of the bridge and dropped a leaf and then hurried to the other side to watch it fall down the waterfall. The kids thought is was great fun and spent the next 15 minutes tossing sticks and leaves and watching them go over the falls. They would all yell in excitement every time. It was hilarious. They would have done it a lot longer but we dragged them away to get back on the road. We saw a muskrat or beaver (there was a debate we settled by letting everyone call it what they wanted since there was no clear view of its tail). We also saw lots of pretty birds, including two that were right on the trail and were not interested in moving out of the way at all.

After that, we stopped to eat and pee until we arrived at Gulf Shores. We grabbed some groceries. Shopping with six kids is always a treat. We had enough sugary cold cereals to last the week plus the next month. When we got to our condo it was about 8 pm so it was already dark, we moved in and got settled and enjoyed the view of the ocean from the patio. It was a nice little spot for us. Each couple had a room, the boys shared a room and the girls shared a room. The weather looked like it would be a little dicey but Sunday-Wednesday afternoon was pretty gorgeous weather. Our condo opened right to the beach. If the weather was sunny that’s where the kids wanted to be. Gulf Shores has a little bigger waves then Florida beaches we have gone too. We brought boogie boards and that was one of the favorite pass times at the beach. We spent all the sunny days building sand castles, playing catch, body surfing, shell and crab hunting, swimming, sunbathing, flying kites, reading, napping, playing bocce ball, all the fun beach things you can think of. If the sun got to be to much the kids would walk into the pool at the hotel and swim in fresh water for a bit then come back to the beach. Lauren and Leah and I decided to walk to the pier that was ‘just down the beach’ one of the days. It was a much longer walk then we thought. Uncle Ross ran it the next day with his watch to tell how far it was and it was a 2 1/4 miles to the pier. We did a 4 1/2 mile walk in the sand that we thought was maybe a mile. We were all a little sore and chaffed the next day.

I think it was Tuesday we took a break from the sun and went to explore one of the Forts nearby. Ross and Ryan went golfing after that and Lauren and I took the kids on a Ferry to Dauphin Island. We ate lunch and went to the aquarium on the Island then road the Ferry back home.

In the evenings we played games and watched movies. Sometimes the kids went down to the beach after dark to see if they could find crabs. Wednesday was back to the beach but the nice weather only lasted until about noon. Then it started to rain. We ended up going mini golfing and stopping by an ice cream shop. Thursday was a rainy day. We went to the souvenir shop and hung out at the condo. My kids ended up pooling their money and getting hermit crabs for their souvenirs. Matthew agreed to supply most of the funding on the condition he got to keep them in his room but the girls could take care of them. We added Jeffrey, Georgia, and Crab Cakes to our family. Once we got home we did a little research on how to take care of them. We turned our old aquarium into a new house for them with sand and a pool and a little forest and hut for them. They seem to love it. At least more then the plastic cage with a few rocks in it they were living in when we got them. We also discovered in our research that crabs can live up to thirty years in the wild. We told the kids that they could plan on taking them with them when they got married.

Friday was time to head back home. We swapped around a lot on the way home. The weather was rainy most of the time and we drove it in one stretch. It was a little before one in the morning when we got home. Ryan and I decided we are to old to drive at night anymore. Neither one of us can see very well and we like to sleep instead of stay awake. We were chugging soda, eating snacks and pinching each other to stay awake. The last hour and a half was pretty painful. We really debated stopping and getting a hotel an hour away from home. We made it though. It was nice to have the rest of the weekend before jumping back into school and work.

It was an awesome vacation. The kids were all feeling a little cabin fever and liked getting out of the house and going somewhere. I am glad we got to make some memories and have a good week together.

Reaching Out

When Kenny found the link to the Turnbull’s he woke up his wife and showed her the obituary and contacted Ryan. As the three of them were talking Sherri noticed another name in the same obituary that she recognized, Bill Bertelson. She remembered knowing someone by that name from a family that she knew when she lived in South Dakota with my parents. She remembers thinking it wasn’t a very common name but it was probably a coincidence.

Once they had Vanitta’s name they started trying to find more information about her. They assumed she was likely Ryan’s mom but they didn’t know for sure. One of the ways they looked her up was on Facebook. Since they weren’t friends with her, only her public pictures were available to see. They looked through several available pictures and tried to glean any information they could. As they were looking through the pictures, Sherri saw a picture of Vanitta with her brother Bill Bertelson. She pointed it out to Ryan and they were both shocked. Ryan and her both recognized the Bill in the picture with Vanitta. It was the same Bill they had met together nineteen years earlier.

Christmas 2002. Ryan and Janae were married in May 2002. At the time her parents and other three siblings lived in Rock Springs, Wyoming. Later that year her dad was transferred with his job and the family planned to move to Sioux Falls, South Dakota. With the timing of the move they arrived in South Dakota the week of Christmas. They couldn’t move into the house until shortly after the New Year so they planned to stay in a hotel until then. Ryan and Janae decided to come up and join them and they had a hotel Christmas in Sioux Falls South Dakota their first Christmas together with Janae’s family. A day or so before Christmas was Sunday and the family attended the new church they would be going to and met some new friends. One of the families that introduced themselves to Janae’s parents was the Bertelson family. Bill and his wife Barbara. When they heard they were staying in a hotel over Christmas they invited us to join their family for a Christmas breakfast. They were a very kind and thoughtful family. My parents got to know them well and became good friends. Whenever Ryan and Janae went up to visit her family they would always come and say hi at church and ask how they were doing.

Along with discovering Vanitta and her brother Bill, the three of them were able to figure out that Vanitta was about 85 years old which would have made her in her mid forties when Ryan was born. They also pieced together that she had several children that would be older than Ryan and one that would be younger. At this point their best guess was Ryan was most likely conceived from an affair or maybe rape then given up for adoption. After talking and speculating and living on a wave of excitment from finding a strong lead, the three of them decided to call it a night and pick up the search in the morning. A few short hours later Janae woke up at 7am on Friday morning not knowing any of the exciting news from the night before. When Ryan filled her in on everything they had discovered she told him he would never live down not waking her up when he found out. Then they called Kenny and Sherri and picked up were they left off the night before and started making a plan to figure out who to contact. Through Facebook stalking they were able to figure out a few more of Vanitta’s family members. Kenny, Sherri and Janae were pushing for Ryan to call or email Bill. They thought that would be the easiest link. He probably wouldn’t remember Ryan but he would know Janae’s parents. Ryan didn’t want to contact Vanitta directly, but instead of Bill he kept coming back to a guy named Perry Turnbull that we thought was Vanitta’s son. Ryan said he felt like that was the right person to contact, he looked like a good guy and maybe even a Bishop in our church. Within 5 minutes Kenny has Perry’s email and phone number and found out he actually was a Branch President of a Young Single Adult Ward. Ryan decided that is who he would contact. At 9am he sent a Facebook Message and an email to Perry with the following message:

Perry, I don’t believe we’ve ever met, my name is Ryan Terry. This is probably going to sound strange so I’ll jump right into it. I was born in 1979 and was adopted via LDS family services, but I think we might be related! A few months ago I got a 23andme DNA test, mostly to check for health concerns as I have no family history, but also out of curiosity of my biological lineage. Literally the only piece of information I have about my biological parents is on adoptive court papers that had my surname of Turnbull before legally changing my name to Ryan Terry when I was a few months old. In 23andme I have only a few 2nd and 3rd cousins, and did not see any Turnbull surnames. Until last night. I was looking at the Keele family line, which DNA says I have relations to, and found through Ancestry.com and Family Search where the Turnbull name actually popped up – with Vanitta. Through some light Facebook investigation, it looks like that is your mother or you are related to her in some way.

Anyway, maybe this is super weird, but I think we may be closely related and I thought you could maybe help me connect some dots. I considered reaching out directly to Vanitta, but figured she may not be super Facebook savvy and not even know I sent a message. Or maybe it would be a shock to her if I directly contacted her. So since you seem to be active on Facebook and connected to her I wondered if you could help me. I sent you a message in Facebook Messenger too but I often forget to check those messages, so thought I’d send you an email.

Putting myself in your shoes, I can see this might be really weird and out of the blue. But now my curiosity is peeked! I would love to connect some dots and perhaps express gratitude to my biological mother for following what I believe to be a divine plan. I have always felt like I was meant to be with my adoptive parents and am happy for eternal families.

Sorry for the long, random, rambling message! Would love to chat with you if you get the message and would like to talk.

Ryan

Ryan had sent several emails to other possible relatives at this point but had never heard back from any of them. This time felt different but no one knew what to expect. At some point that morning while they were all looking at pictures and trying to piece connections together someone said that maybe Vanitta was not his mom but his grandma. That seemed to fit time lines a little better. They were able to find a picture of one of her daughters that they thought was a possibility but they just didn’t know and wouldn’t know unless Perry contacted Ryan back. All four of them tried to go about their day and impatiently waited to hear something back.

Ryan had several scheduled meetings that day at noon, two and four. He left shortly after sending the email and went to his first meeting at noon. At 12:15 his phone rang and caller ID said Perry Turnbull across the top of his phone. He new it probably wouldn’t be a short conversation and was already in his meeting with a client so he sent it to voicemail then tried but utterly failed to focus on the next 45 minutes of his meeting.

Perry left a message. At 1pm Ryan walked out to his car to listen to the voicemail.

Transcription of Perry’s Message:

Hi Ryan, my name is Perry Turnbull and you sent me an email and a Facebook message today regarding your heritage and thanks so much for that message that was very thoughtfully written and sincere and um I believe Ryan, there is a very high likely hood that there is a direct connection between you and my sister and I would just love to talk to you about that and to fill you in with as much as I know and connect the dots as much as I am able. SO feel free to give me a call back at … and I will also respond to your email as well with some personal contact information and look for ward to chatting with you. Hope you have a great day and thanks for reaching out, take care. Bye.

Ryan was obviously emotional when he heard Perry’s message. He had just found out who is biological mother was! He had one hour until his next meeting but he new he couldn’t wait until the end of the day to call him back so he decided to call on his drive to his next meeting. He hit send and called Perry Turnbull back.

The Results

Once the sample had been sent in there wasn’t much to do but wait. Other then the surname of Turnbull and being born in Monett Missouri we didn’t really know any other information.

Kenny tried to hold true to his finding Ryan’s birth mom in 30 minutes. He had one or two people he thought were good possibilities but without the DNA he wasn’t willing to say anything with much commitment. Several weeks later after much anticipation, Ryan finally got the results. His health information came back pretty good. The things they were able to test and look for came back with no big red flags. It was nice for Ryan to have some peace of mind about some general health information. Learning more about his biology made Ryan realize his curiosity was definitely piqued and he wanted to know more about the ancestry side of his DNA. However, when he looked at those results there wasn’t much to see.

Kenny’s words.

Sitting on the couch at Ryan’s house while the girls were out shopping we somehow got on the topic of DNA/his biological mother. Ryan mentioned that he had looked on classmates.com at yearbooks torying to find a picture of her in Monett. Considering myself an amateur sleuth of sorts I offered my help and said I could probably find her in 30 minutes. Little did I know the task ahead of me. After researching for 2 weeks I thought I had found her (based on what we thought we knew). We decided to wait for 23&me DNA results to confirm, deny or shed any light on the subject. I remember it like it was yesterday. We were out to dinner with friends at Longhorn steakhouse when Ryan texted me with a picture of his closest DNA relatives. I looked at the list in disbelief! His CLOSEST match was 2%! I will never never forget Ryan’s next text to me. He simply wrote ‘work your magic’.

The lack of information available almost made the task of finding his birth mom more intriguing . Kenny and Ryan spent a lot of their free time looking and trying to find links to possible relatives. Ryan sent a few emails to relatives 23&Me said he was related to but never heard anything back. They both continued to talk and look into things together but Kenny made it a personal mission to figure this mystery out.

Too be completely honest I felt like I’d need some real magic to get anywhere. My next move was distinct, I looked at the list of relatives and prayed. I prayed that I would be able to know how to connect the dots. After the prayer I turned to google. I decided that if I could find one of these individuals family history pedigree charts I would have a better chance of finding either of Ryan’s biological parents. The first name was just initials so I moved to the second one immediately. The name was Reba Keele and it said she was from Utah. Turns our she is a professor of sorts and an author. One of the first pages I found on her actually listed her family info including parents names. With this info in hand I turned to family search. Knowing that only deceased ancestors appear on family search I put her parents names in. I got an immediate hit! Turns our the Keele family are LDS pioneers and have kept great records!! 23&Me had said that Ryan was a second cousin to the first 2 matches. I had an immediate sense of relief thinking I would close this case in a day!!!!!!! My excitement soon faded as I saw the number of relatives in this line. It seemed like every marriage had 10 kids! I hunted through this info everyday! Some nights I found myself unable to sleep or waking up with a new idea on where to look at 3am. I had searched all the second cousins!!!! No matches that fit.

Kenny spent weeks and hours of his time doing research for Ryan. The four of us would often talk together and there were several theory’s starting to form in our minds as we continued to run into dead ends. The biggest frustration was that we could not find the link in any of his known relatives to the Turnbull line. Kenny had looked through hundreds maybe even thousands of names and the Turnbull name never appeared. Was it a misdirection or a flat out lie? Maybe it was a single child of a single child and the line died out? Maybe Monett was not the right place…where would we even start to look if it wasn’t though? We were almost out of possibilities. Kenny suggested that Ryan get his DNA tested through ancestry.com because they had a bigger database to search. Ryan requested the kit and Kenny kept looking.

This continued for weeks. I decided to once again pray for direction as it seemed like I had lost traction. Shortly after the prayer I stumbled on an article discussing family DNA and how the DNA match percentages add up. It mentioned that at 2% someone might be a much more distant relative to these people then 23&Me indicated. I returned to family search with a renewed determination and decided to read all of the obituaries of the most recently deceased ancestors of Ryan to see if I could find any matching info (we had a last name and an approximate location). I started reading obituaries about 7:30pm. At 1:30am I was exhausted, I had read so many obituaries they were all blending together. I was reaching the end and had no new info. Just as I was about to call it a night I read one last obituary for Winifred Olsen. In the text it listed all of her children. The name hit me like a ton of bricks. Vanitta Turnbull of Arkansas! The location was close enough and the last name was a match!!! I couldn’t believe what I was reading! Had I really just found them??! My eyes began to swell with tears as I knew in my heart I had found Ryan’s biological family! The fact that is was 1:30 am was so irrelevant given the exciting news I decided I had to call Ryan. I texted him first and to my shock he responded back immediately letting me know he was still winding down from a basketball game he played earlier or he would have been asleep. I texted him the following in all caps “I FOUND YOUR MOM!” He immediately called me in disbelief but the more we talked it became more and more real. This was her! I hadn’t been able to sleep for 2 months! I found my head constantly running through new scenarios of where to look but now it was done! As I slept that night I found myself in a very emotional state. I could only imagine what Ryan was going through but even being involved on just the search side had given me a little glimpse of it. The next day brought MANY phone calls between Ryan and my myself. Who do you call to reach out too? Which family member? The events that have transpired from all of this are nothing short of wonderful!

Ryan and Janae have talked several times since then about how without Kenny’s help and sleuthing skills and the dozens and dozens of hours he spent researching we may never have found the link we needed to lead us to his biological family. As they have shared this story with others many have commented on what an amazing true friend and brother Kenny is to dedicate so much of his time and energy to helping Ryan. He is the hero in this story. Ryan and Janae couldn’t agree more.

Easter

We had a wonderful Easter and General Conference weekend. We tried to keep the weekend clear from any extra curricular activities, and it worked! It seems like October General Conference is always harder to do that, but sometimes we don’t get our wish in April either. I am glad it was successful this year.

Conference was really good. The kids didn’t listen with rapture or anything but they stayed within hearing range without any complaining. With any luck hopefully a few things soaked into their heads.

Our cousins and Grandpa came over after the first session on Sunday. Grandma was going to try but she was having a rough day so she didn’t come. Ryan couldn’t decide what to smoke- ham with traditional cheesy potatoes, rolls, and salad. Or pulled pork tacos with fresh slaw and strawberries. So he did both. We had a lot of yummy food, and my favorite, we have a lot of yummy leftovers so I don’t have to cook the next day or two.

We watched the last conference session after we ate then Ross and Ryan went over to see their mom and played a game at her house while the rest of us hung out at our house. The weather was a beautiful 75 degrees. The kids wanted to get out the slip-n-slide. I was a mean mom and nixed their idea though.

The Easter Bunny was slacking this year and fell asleep early before getting the job done. Luckily Emilee came in to our room and woke us up first so I could go get the Easter Bunny on the job without her noticing.

It was a great Easter weekend. I enjoyed remembering and celebrating Easter. I am grateful for my Savior, His sacrifice, and His resurrection.

Stay Calm

My son is coming up with new ways to stress me out the past few months. He has had an unofficial girlfriend (whatever that means) for a while but it is still new for me. I’d rather him not have a girlfriend at all until he is 25 but since it isn’t all my decision, I will make the best out of it. She is a sweet girl and they are really good friends. I picked up his phone and saw this as his screen saver the other day and had a combination ‘What the #@%$!’ and ‘Oh that’s sweet.’ moment. Be cool mom. Be cool.

Its Baseball Time!

Once again Ryan and Matthew feel like life makes sense and is complete again. Baseball started. Matthew was able to finish he physical therapy for his leg/ankle about two weeks before the first game. He was very glad he made it in time to play, he is still a little behind because he didn’t get to practice as hard or as much as everyone else but he is working at getting back to 100%. There is two teams that work out and practice together. For the opening season tournaments both teams ended up in the final game. Matt’s ended up coming in first officially but both teams had a great opening weekend.

Matthew and Jake walking off in the sunset. 🙂

This is another tournament they played in a few weeks later. They ended up winning the tournament for their division. Matthew has had a bit of dry spell for hitting. This tournament he got two doubles and he was pretty happy about it. We all were.

The Decision

The following is the beginning of several posts that I want to write to help remember an important part of Ryan’s life. Ryan was adopted at birth. He always new he was adopted, it was never a secret, just a fact. He also knew that he was meant to be with his adopted parents. Roger and Rhonda were always supposed to raise him, for some reason Heavenly Father chose to get Ryan to them in a more round about way, but Ryan always felt and always knew they were supposed to be his parents. He was sealed to them shortly after his first birthday in the temple and Roger and Rhonda, his siblings, and all his aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins are sealed together for eternity. He has always felt loved and cared for and known he was where he was supposed to be. He has also felt a piece of him missing or not complete, a small wondering that sometimes grew. He had similar features as his dad and brother but he didn’t know his biological history and ties. He couldn’t say he inherited traits or personality from his mom or a grandpa, or had the same features as a cousin or sibling. A few months ago Ryan decided to make the decision to dig in and see where his DNA led him. This is his story to the best of my recollection. I wasn’t there for all of it so some are stories other have shared with me. I want it to be as accurate as I can so as I learn more things or talk with others I will add and change things if I need too. It is an amazing story and it is full of many small and large miracles and tender mercies that have guided and directed Ryan and his family (adopted and biological) throughout their lives. With new events of the past few months some of these miracles can now start to be discovered and realized. Ryan’s story is a testimony to me that Heavenly Father is actively involved in each of our lives. He knows and loves us as individuals and has a plan.

On June 19, 1979 a little boy with fiery red hair was born in Monett Missouri. His birth mom loved him fiercely but her life wasn’t on the path that she wanted it to be to guarantee him a happy, stable, gospel centered home. Despite the inability to guarantee any outcome with any choice she made, with confirmation from the Holy Ghost, she made the hard, heartbreaking decision to give the little boy up for adoption. After being born, she signed the final paperwork and Baby Boy Turnbull was turned over for adoption. For the rest of her life she would not know what happened to her child. His location, hair color, likes, dislikes, strengths, talents, struggles, favorite foods, even his name, would all be a mystery and an ache in her heart.

That same day Rhonda Terry was at work going about her day. She and her husband, Roger, had been trying to have children for several years. Several months earlier after tests, doctor visits, and many prayers they decided to begin the process to adopt a baby through LDS Adoption Services. Once the numerous and long steps were complete, they were told to wait, they would be contacted when they had a baby for them to adopt. That particular day in June while she was sitting at her desk she had the thought come to her mind, “Your son is here.” She immediately called the social worker assigned to her and said, “My son was born today. When can I come get him?” This initially caused a bit of chaos. At that time the adoption process was closed, which meant everything was private and personal information was kept secret from all involved parties, except the social worker. The social worker was more then a little concerned that someone had leaked information to Rhonda and voiced that he could lose his job over this. Rhonda was, and still is, a very religious person and told the social worker that the Holy Ghost, not another social worker had told her about the birth of her son. He was very relieved and told her that in fact a baby boy had been born and the paper work was in process for him to be given to her and Roger. There was a slight hold up with paperwork due to the fact the baby would be crossing state lines from Missouri to Kansas.

The paperwork snag took six weeks to resolve. In the mean time Baby Boy Turnbull was taken from his birth mom and given to a sweet lady in a foster home to watch him until Roger and Rhonda could take him permanently. When the day finally arrived Roger and Rhonda anxiously met the social worker to bring home their baby for the first time. They were loving, happy, excited parents. Rhonda immediately began making up for lost time and embraced him as her son and began healing the loss of losing his first two earthly connections his birth mom and the foster parent of six weeks. For a time Ryan was not content with anyone holding him but Rhonda. After finishing the full adoption process and jumping through all the legal hoops and check lists, Baby Boy Turnbull was legally adopted and given his name of Ryan Evert Terry. His wife still remembers reading his adoption papers for the first time and getting chills at the very last sentence when is says his name is hereby changed from Baby Boy Turnbull to Ryan Evert Terry.

Ryan grew up in Manhattan Kansas. His parents adopted a baby girl a few years later. Then to their surprise ended up getting pregnant and having two more biological children. It was never a secret that he or his sister were adopted, it was something that he always new. He always felt like he was a part of his family and he loved and was loved by all his family members, immediate and extended. Around 5th grade her remembers when the teacher asked if anyone in the class was adopted. He raised his hand and then remembers being a little shocked to see that he was the only one. He didn’t realize it was something different about him from most other people.

Throughout his life people would ask him about being adopted. It just was what it was for him and he didn’t give it to much thought. As he got older people began asking him if he ever wondered about his birth mom. His inward thoughts varied from slight curiosity to a tinge of bitterness in not being wanted to gratitude for his family and the life he had and was grateful for. His out loud answer was usually along the lines of, “Mmmm not really.” At large family reunions he would occasionally notice and think that while he knew these people were his family, he wondered what it would be like to look like someone, and have a biological connection to someone.

He lived in Manhattan Kansas and made life long friend ships and memories there until he left for college in the Fall of 1997. His family, himself, and most of his extended family were all faithful devoted members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. About a year after bringing Ryan home he was sealed to his parents for time and all eternity in the temple on May 30, 1980 in the Idaho Falls, Idaho Temple. He was an active, happy boy. He loved to play with friends and ride bikes and explore the neighborhood. His dad was active in Boy Scouts and helped Ryan and his brother, Ross, get their Eagle Scout Award. As he got older he played basketball, baseball, and football. He also learned to play and was pretty decent at the trumpet for several years. He was a good student and decided he wanted to go to college to become an engineer.

Ryan was blessed to know his mind and self pretty early. His parents taught him right from wrong and he developed his own testimony of The Gospel and Heavenly Father and his Savior. He has a very logical mind and has always been a confident decision maker. After attending Ricks College for a year in Idaho, he went on a mission for his church to Bolivia in South America for two years. When he finished his mission, he went back to Ricks College in the Fall of 2000 to finish another year before transferring to Utah State to complete his engineering degree.

Ryan and Janae met in August 2000 and started dating in October of 2000. After several months of dating and getting to know each other they were spending another evening talking about anything and everything they could think of. At one point Janae asked Ryan to tell her something about him that she didn’t already know. He told her that he was adopted. She asked him the typical follow up questions people tend to ask when they find out someone is adopted. How old were you when you were adopted? (at birth) When did you find out? (I’ve known as long as I can remember) Have you ever wanted to find your birth mom? (Not really) After a few minutes we moved on to another topic.

Ryan did go to Utah State for a year (2001-2002) but when he and Janae got married in May 2002 they moved back to Kansas to finish both of their schooling.

Over the years after they were married, occasionally the topic came up between them, or with his parents, or by other people that new or found out and wanted to ask questions. Other than his mom telling the story of his adoption the questions were usually the same as the ones Janae asked when they talked about it the first time while they were dating. With the progression of his life from child to adult to husband, to father, some of his thoughts about his own birth started evolving in his mind too. He found himself thinking and occasionally voicing different thoughts about his adoption like;

“Sometimes I’m curious but I don’t want to look.”

“I wonder if I have siblings, or half siblings.”

“My kids are the only DNA relatives I know.”

“I’m curious about my health history.”

“I’ve started to wonder about her sometimes. I’m grateful for my life and glad I have it. She could have made a different choice then adoption.”

When COVID started in 2020 Ryan worked from home but it was a little slow. Everything was slow. Like most people all the projects that had been put off forever were finally done and then they had to start getting creative with things to keep them busy. Ryan new very little about his biological mom other then where he was born and the last name Turnbull. Which is a Scottish name. One of the shows that was binged watched during this time had a lot of Scottish ancestry in it and it kind of piqued their curiosity about Ryan’s ancestry. One afternoon the topic of looking into his health history came up. There was a flurry of investigating to figure out what is would take to look into finding out who his birth parents were. Janae even printed off a request for sealed documents for Ryan to fill out and send in to the State of Missouri if he wanted. Work began picking up again and it was left on his dresser in a pile of papers that got deeper and deeper.

Over Christmas that same year, Kenny and Sherri came to visit. It wasn’t the first time Kenny had asked Ryan about his adoption but the topic came up again. Kenny loves solving a good mystery and considers himself a good internet sleuth. When Ryan mentioned he was more and more curious about his healthy history Kenny was all over him to send in a DNA test. This particular conversation, Ryan’s curiosity got the best of him and he decided to do it. Kenny also told Ryan when he was ready to let him know and he bet him he could find his birth mom within 30 minutes. Ryan decided instead of hovering around the door and wondering he would finally open it and see where it lead him. He ordered the kit from 23 and Me. It arrived a few days later. He filled it out and submitted his sample.

About 42 years earlier…When Baby Boy Turnbull’s mom was about 6 months pregnant, she went and stayed with a foster family for the last few months of her pregnancy. She was only with them for three months but developed a strong friendship with the wife of that family and kept in contact with her for years afterwards. Eventually their contact lessened and then stopped. Around Christmas in 2020 after years of not speaking with each other, the foster mom called Baby Boy Turnbull’s mom and said she had been on her mind and she wanted to see how she was doing and they reconnected.

Truth vs. Right Ponderings

The Book of Mormon and the Prophets and apostles have told us the closer we get to the second coming the harder it will be to determine right from wrong. Even from looking at society values and morals thirty years ago up to now, which seems like a long time but it isn’t, I can see how quickly something can crumble and change and people can be used and turned against each other. Satan is trying to make us see people not as people but as a threat or inconsequential, and turn us against each other and he is getting more and more successful at it.

In the past few years I’ve seen friends and family that I thought were rocks in their beliefs and knowledge of God and The Gospel, crumble and fall. It has been on my mind a lot lately. In the church it is mentioned a lot that the children and upcoming generations are going to have to be stronger and more firm then ever before to be able to navigate their futures and keep their testimonies and relationship with God strong and unbreakable. As a mom that is often on my mind, along with the worries am I teaching my kids enough. Ryan and I have had many conversations (and will have many more) and drive the kids crazy sometimes with out talks about knowing their responsibilities to learn, apply, search, study, strengthen and then repeat over and over to maintain a strong unshakable testimony of the gospel and their purpose in their lives on earth. Lately, I’ve had the desire to write it down for them to hopefully read later when I am not as present in their lives as I am now and remind them again.

The words true/right, and wrong/false, are often used interchangeably in conversation. I believe there are truths, rights, falsehoods and wrongs, and we make our choices based on what we believe those to be. However, I don’t believe those words are interchangeable. Recently, when I was reading the Book of Mormon I noticed that the word truth is used almost exclusively, instead of right or wrong. I say ‘almost exclusively’ because since pondering this thought I haven’t re-read the entire Book of Mormon to compare and see how often each word is used but what I have read specifically uses the word truth when referring to the correct way, instead of right. I think the Lord is very intentional on what words are used in the scriptures so I started thinking about that choice of word, truth verses right.

There is generally an agreeing consensus among the majority of a group of people on what is right and what is wrong. These consensuses are somewhat firm but right or wrong can change and even have some grey area, due to new information, discoveries, circumstances, societal pressure and so forth.

Then there are truths. Truths are absolute. Truths are not changeable based on political, societal, personal or even religious beliefs. Truths can not be changed but they can be accepted or rejected. Accepted or rejected truths define political, societal, personal, and religious decisions for a person. They make us what we are. Truths don’t change based on whether you believe them or not and full or partial understanding of a truth does not change it as truth. Truths are not fluid like decisions and even right and wrong. For something to be a truth does not mean it is perfectly or completely understood. Truths can have varying degrees of consequence or influence. In my life my list of absolute truths is not very long but it caries more weight and influence then any other aspect of my life. It helps provide clarity in areas of my life that can get murky. Accepting or rejecting a truth leads to accepting or rejecting other related truths.

Decisions (aka choices) are made based on information, facts, emotions, opinions, knowledge, ignorance, life experiences, right, wrong, truths, or the complete lack of some or any of these things.

In my head I envision a giant net made of all truths. Individual truths form a chain and link with all other truths, creating the net. God has a perfect complete net and knows ALL truths. We don’t. I don’t.

As individuals, we are each aware of different truths and learn and expand on different truths throughout our lives. Some have more truths then others. We are each forming our own net of truths throughout our lives. When a truth is learned, or accepted that link is galvanized and strengthened and can lead to other truths. Some truths we learn might start in the middle of the chain, and links can be made going in multiple directions. Chains can be stronger and more complete in some areas then others. Multiple parts or chains can be growing at different times and eventually they will all come together and form a giant net of truths. I think there are some critical links we can connect and grow during this life but I don’t think it is possible to have a complete perfect net in this life. I also think faith can be used as a link to connect parts of our nets when our understanding and knowledge of truths are not complete. Facts are often considered truth-especially from a science perspective. The flaw with assuming facts are absolute truths is it is not always possible to know when a complete truth is known. Sometimes facts can change if more truth is found or revealed.

This is some of my chain of truths in relation to God.

God exists. He is real, He created me. He has a purpose and a plan which is to bring about the immortality and eternal life of mankind. My truth is God is the Father of Jesus Christ and His teachings and plans were brought to the earth and fulfilled through Jesus and will continue to be.
After Christ’s death, God’s truths and power were eventually lost on earth until it was restored by God again through Joseph Smith. Joseph Smith was given the charge to translate the Book of Mormon and restore the gospel and Gods power to the earth-completely. My truth is that Joseph Smith was not perfect but he was called by God to do the things he did. Joseph did what God asked him to do and His gospel was restored and is on the earth now.
Because of the first two truths, my truths include the 13 Articles of Faith including number eight that states The Book of Mormon is the word of God. The prophets in the Book of Mormon repeatedly say it was written for our day-MY TIME. Therefore lessons and teachings in it were meant to be learned, used, and applied, to my life now.
Since God restored the priesthood to Joseph Smith, the priesthood has been organized and passed through a consecutive unbroken line of modern day prophets up to President Nelson and will continue and not be removed from the earth before He comes again.

A persons truths are the pillars of who they are. If a person accepts a truth and later rejects it (or vice versa), any decision or choice previously made based on that truth has to be remade. Some truths have more of an impact on our lives then others.

Easter

This past Sunday was Easter. It was a very nice day. The kids woke up and found their baskets and eggs and enjoyed those for a bit. Then we had breakfast together and got all cleaned up and ready for church. We had a good at home sacrament meeting. Sometimes we have more of a discussion, other times more someone talks and everyone listens. For Easter we had a good family discussion about why we have Easter and the kids asked some good questions. Then we all sang some songs together, including Gethsemane which is a favorite of mine.

After church Ryan and Matthew took naps and the girls were playing happily so I decided to start on dinner. We usually just have two meals on Sundays. A late breakfast and lunch then a snack before bed if we need one. Our traditional Easter meal is ham and cheesy potatoes. We had that and I made scones with honey and a veggie to go with it. We all had a nice meal together.

Afterwards, we cleaned up and then watched a movie called “The Fighting Preacher” together. It is one my mom told me about. It is about a couple that were asked to live in the Joseph Smith home in Palmyra after the church bought it in the early 1900’s. It is a good little film.

Ryan decided that he wanted to have the family learn a hymn together and sing on the parts. We worked on that after the movie. It didn’t go as well as we hoped. The kids were only semi interested and not all of them can…naturally carry a tune. I tried to teach them how to sing but it ended up just singing the same off tune note at different volumes instead of actually changing notes. Ryan and I are ok singers but neither of us were successful at figuring out how to teach and explain how to sing a certain note. We will revisit that plan later and stick with the melody for now.

It was a peaceful and quiet Sunday. Everyone got along and enjoyed being together. It was a good day. I am glad for the life and sacrifices of our Savior so we can remember and celebrate all he did for us on the last week of his earthly life.