2021 – Page 6 – Terry Family Shenanigans

The Results

Once the sample had been sent in there wasn’t much to do but wait. Other then the surname of Turnbull and being born in Monett Missouri we didn’t really know any other information.

Kenny tried to hold true to his finding Ryan’s birth mom in 30 minutes. He had one or two people he thought were good possibilities but without the DNA he wasn’t willing to say anything with much commitment. Several weeks later after much anticipation, Ryan finally got the results. His health information came back pretty good. The things they were able to test and look for came back with no big red flags. It was nice for Ryan to have some peace of mind about some general health information. Learning more about his biology made Ryan realize his curiosity was definitely piqued and he wanted to know more about the ancestry side of his DNA. However, when he looked at those results there wasn’t much to see.

Kenny’s words.

Sitting on the couch at Ryan’s house while the girls were out shopping we somehow got on the topic of DNA/his biological mother. Ryan mentioned that he had looked on classmates.com at yearbooks torying to find a picture of her in Monett. Considering myself an amateur sleuth of sorts I offered my help and said I could probably find her in 30 minutes. Little did I know the task ahead of me. After researching for 2 weeks I thought I had found her (based on what we thought we knew). We decided to wait for 23&me DNA results to confirm, deny or shed any light on the subject. I remember it like it was yesterday. We were out to dinner with friends at Longhorn steakhouse when Ryan texted me with a picture of his closest DNA relatives. I looked at the list in disbelief! His CLOSEST match was 2%! I will never never forget Ryan’s next text to me. He simply wrote ‘work your magic’.

The lack of information available almost made the task of finding his birth mom more intriguing . Kenny and Ryan spent a lot of their free time looking and trying to find links to possible relatives. Ryan sent a few emails to relatives 23&Me said he was related to but never heard anything back. They both continued to talk and look into things together but Kenny made it a personal mission to figure this mystery out.

Too be completely honest I felt like I’d need some real magic to get anywhere. My next move was distinct, I looked at the list of relatives and prayed. I prayed that I would be able to know how to connect the dots. After the prayer I turned to google. I decided that if I could find one of these individuals family history pedigree charts I would have a better chance of finding either of Ryan’s biological parents. The first name was just initials so I moved to the second one immediately. The name was Reba Keele and it said she was from Utah. Turns our she is a professor of sorts and an author. One of the first pages I found on her actually listed her family info including parents names. With this info in hand I turned to family search. Knowing that only deceased ancestors appear on family search I put her parents names in. I got an immediate hit! Turns our the Keele family are LDS pioneers and have kept great records!! 23&Me had said that Ryan was a second cousin to the first 2 matches. I had an immediate sense of relief thinking I would close this case in a day!!!!!!! My excitement soon faded as I saw the number of relatives in this line. It seemed like every marriage had 10 kids! I hunted through this info everyday! Some nights I found myself unable to sleep or waking up with a new idea on where to look at 3am. I had searched all the second cousins!!!! No matches that fit.

Kenny spent weeks and hours of his time doing research for Ryan. The four of us would often talk together and there were several theory’s starting to form in our minds as we continued to run into dead ends. The biggest frustration was that we could not find the link in any of his known relatives to the Turnbull line. Kenny had looked through hundreds maybe even thousands of names and the Turnbull name never appeared. Was it a misdirection or a flat out lie? Maybe it was a single child of a single child and the line died out? Maybe Monett was not the right place…where would we even start to look if it wasn’t though? We were almost out of possibilities. Kenny suggested that Ryan get his DNA tested through ancestry.com because they had a bigger database to search. Ryan requested the kit and Kenny kept looking.

This continued for weeks. I decided to once again pray for direction as it seemed like I had lost traction. Shortly after the prayer I stumbled on an article discussing family DNA and how the DNA match percentages add up. It mentioned that at 2% someone might be a much more distant relative to these people then 23&Me indicated. I returned to family search with a renewed determination and decided to read all of the obituaries of the most recently deceased ancestors of Ryan to see if I could find any matching info (we had a last name and an approximate location). I started reading obituaries about 7:30pm. At 1:30am I was exhausted, I had read so many obituaries they were all blending together. I was reaching the end and had no new info. Just as I was about to call it a night I read one last obituary for Winifred Olsen. In the text it listed all of her children. The name hit me like a ton of bricks. Vanitta Turnbull of Arkansas! The location was close enough and the last name was a match!!! I couldn’t believe what I was reading! Had I really just found them??! My eyes began to swell with tears as I knew in my heart I had found Ryan’s biological family! The fact that is was 1:30 am was so irrelevant given the exciting news I decided I had to call Ryan. I texted him first and to my shock he responded back immediately letting me know he was still winding down from a basketball game he played earlier or he would have been asleep. I texted him the following in all caps “I FOUND YOUR MOM!” He immediately called me in disbelief but the more we talked it became more and more real. This was her! I hadn’t been able to sleep for 2 months! I found my head constantly running through new scenarios of where to look but now it was done! As I slept that night I found myself in a very emotional state. I could only imagine what Ryan was going through but even being involved on just the search side had given me a little glimpse of it. The next day brought MANY phone calls between Ryan and my myself. Who do you call to reach out too? Which family member? The events that have transpired from all of this are nothing short of wonderful!

Ryan and Janae have talked several times since then about how without Kenny’s help and sleuthing skills and the dozens and dozens of hours he spent researching we may never have found the link we needed to lead us to his biological family. As they have shared this story with others many have commented on what an amazing true friend and brother Kenny is to dedicate so much of his time and energy to helping Ryan. He is the hero in this story. Ryan and Janae couldn’t agree more.

Easter

We had a wonderful Easter and General Conference weekend. We tried to keep the weekend clear from any extra curricular activities, and it worked! It seems like October General Conference is always harder to do that, but sometimes we don’t get our wish in April either. I am glad it was successful this year.

Conference was really good. The kids didn’t listen with rapture or anything but they stayed within hearing range without any complaining. With any luck hopefully a few things soaked into their heads.

Our cousins and Grandpa came over after the first session on Sunday. Grandma was going to try but she was having a rough day so she didn’t come. Ryan couldn’t decide what to smoke- ham with traditional cheesy potatoes, rolls, and salad. Or pulled pork tacos with fresh slaw and strawberries. So he did both. We had a lot of yummy food, and my favorite, we have a lot of yummy leftovers so I don’t have to cook the next day or two.

We watched the last conference session after we ate then Ross and Ryan went over to see their mom and played a game at her house while the rest of us hung out at our house. The weather was a beautiful 75 degrees. The kids wanted to get out the slip-n-slide. I was a mean mom and nixed their idea though.

The Easter Bunny was slacking this year and fell asleep early before getting the job done. Luckily Emilee came in to our room and woke us up first so I could go get the Easter Bunny on the job without her noticing.

It was a great Easter weekend. I enjoyed remembering and celebrating Easter. I am grateful for my Savior, His sacrifice, and His resurrection.

Stay Calm

My son is coming up with new ways to stress me out the past few months. He has had an unofficial girlfriend (whatever that means) for a while but it is still new for me. I’d rather him not have a girlfriend at all until he is 25 but since it isn’t all my decision, I will make the best out of it. She is a sweet girl and they are really good friends. I picked up his phone and saw this as his screen saver the other day and had a combination ‘What the #@%$!’ and ‘Oh that’s sweet.’ moment. Be cool mom. Be cool.

Its Baseball Time!

Once again Ryan and Matthew feel like life makes sense and is complete again. Baseball started. Matthew was able to finish he physical therapy for his leg/ankle about two weeks before the first game. He was very glad he made it in time to play, he is still a little behind because he didn’t get to practice as hard or as much as everyone else but he is working at getting back to 100%. There is two teams that work out and practice together. For the opening season tournaments both teams ended up in the final game. Matt’s ended up coming in first officially but both teams had a great opening weekend.

Matthew and Jake walking off in the sunset. 🙂

This is another tournament they played in a few weeks later. They ended up winning the tournament for their division. Matthew has had a bit of dry spell for hitting. This tournament he got two doubles and he was pretty happy about it. We all were.

The Decision

The following is the beginning of several posts that I want to write to help remember an important part of Ryan’s life. Ryan was adopted at birth. He always new he was adopted, it was never a secret, just a fact. He also knew that he was meant to be with his adopted parents. Roger and Rhonda were always supposed to raise him, for some reason Heavenly Father chose to get Ryan to them in a more round about way, but Ryan always felt and always knew they were supposed to be his parents. He was sealed to them shortly after his first birthday in the temple and Roger and Rhonda, his siblings, and all his aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins are sealed together for eternity. He has always felt loved and cared for and known he was where he was supposed to be. He has also felt a piece of him missing or not complete, a small wondering that sometimes grew. He had similar features as his dad and brother but he didn’t know his biological history and ties. He couldn’t say he inherited traits or personality from his mom or a grandpa, or had the same features as a cousin or sibling. A few months ago Ryan decided to make the decision to dig in and see where his DNA led him. This is his story to the best of my recollection. I wasn’t there for all of it so some are stories other have shared with me. I want it to be as accurate as I can so as I learn more things or talk with others I will add and change things if I need too. It is an amazing story and it is full of many small and large miracles and tender mercies that have guided and directed Ryan and his family (adopted and biological) throughout their lives. With new events of the past few months some of these miracles can now start to be discovered and realized. Ryan’s story is a testimony to me that Heavenly Father is actively involved in each of our lives. He knows and loves us as individuals and has a plan.

On June 19, 1979 a little boy with fiery red hair was born in Monett Missouri. His birth mom loved him fiercely but her life wasn’t on the path that she wanted it to be to guarantee him a happy, stable, gospel centered home. Despite the inability to guarantee any outcome with any choice she made, with confirmation from the Holy Ghost, she made the hard, heartbreaking decision to give the little boy up for adoption. After being born, she signed the final paperwork and Baby Boy Turnbull was turned over for adoption. For the rest of her life she would not know what happened to her child. His location, hair color, likes, dislikes, strengths, talents, struggles, favorite foods, even his name, would all be a mystery and an ache in her heart.

That same day Rhonda Terry was at work going about her day. She and her husband, Roger, had been trying to have children for several years. Several months earlier after tests, doctor visits, and many prayers they decided to begin the process to adopt a baby through LDS Adoption Services. Once the numerous and long steps were complete, they were told to wait, they would be contacted when they had a baby for them to adopt. That particular day in June while she was sitting at her desk she had the thought come to her mind, “Your son is here.” She immediately called the social worker assigned to her and said, “My son was born today. When can I come get him?” This initially caused a bit of chaos. At that time the adoption process was closed, which meant everything was private and personal information was kept secret from all involved parties, except the social worker. The social worker was more then a little concerned that someone had leaked information to Rhonda and voiced that he could lose his job over this. Rhonda was, and still is, a very religious person and told the social worker that the Holy Ghost, not another social worker had told her about the birth of her son. He was very relieved and told her that in fact a baby boy had been born and the paper work was in process for him to be given to her and Roger. There was a slight hold up with paperwork due to the fact the baby would be crossing state lines from Missouri to Kansas.

The paperwork snag took six weeks to resolve. In the mean time Baby Boy Turnbull was taken from his birth mom and given to a sweet lady in a foster home to watch him until Roger and Rhonda could take him permanently. When the day finally arrived Roger and Rhonda anxiously met the social worker to bring home their baby for the first time. They were loving, happy, excited parents. Rhonda immediately began making up for lost time and embraced him as her son and began healing the loss of losing his first two earthly connections his birth mom and the foster parent of six weeks. For a time Ryan was not content with anyone holding him but Rhonda. After finishing the full adoption process and jumping through all the legal hoops and check lists, Baby Boy Turnbull was legally adopted and given his name of Ryan Evert Terry. His wife still remembers reading his adoption papers for the first time and getting chills at the very last sentence when is says his name is hereby changed from Baby Boy Turnbull to Ryan Evert Terry.

Ryan grew up in Manhattan Kansas. His parents adopted a baby girl a few years later. Then to their surprise ended up getting pregnant and having two more biological children. It was never a secret that he or his sister were adopted, it was something that he always new. He always felt like he was a part of his family and he loved and was loved by all his family members, immediate and extended. Around 5th grade her remembers when the teacher asked if anyone in the class was adopted. He raised his hand and then remembers being a little shocked to see that he was the only one. He didn’t realize it was something different about him from most other people.

Throughout his life people would ask him about being adopted. It just was what it was for him and he didn’t give it to much thought. As he got older people began asking him if he ever wondered about his birth mom. His inward thoughts varied from slight curiosity to a tinge of bitterness in not being wanted to gratitude for his family and the life he had and was grateful for. His out loud answer was usually along the lines of, “Mmmm not really.” At large family reunions he would occasionally notice and think that while he knew these people were his family, he wondered what it would be like to look like someone, and have a biological connection to someone.

He lived in Manhattan Kansas and made life long friend ships and memories there until he left for college in the Fall of 1997. His family, himself, and most of his extended family were all faithful devoted members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. About a year after bringing Ryan home he was sealed to his parents for time and all eternity in the temple on May 30, 1980 in the Idaho Falls, Idaho Temple. He was an active, happy boy. He loved to play with friends and ride bikes and explore the neighborhood. His dad was active in Boy Scouts and helped Ryan and his brother, Ross, get their Eagle Scout Award. As he got older he played basketball, baseball, and football. He also learned to play and was pretty decent at the trumpet for several years. He was a good student and decided he wanted to go to college to become an engineer.

Ryan was blessed to know his mind and self pretty early. His parents taught him right from wrong and he developed his own testimony of The Gospel and Heavenly Father and his Savior. He has a very logical mind and has always been a confident decision maker. After attending Ricks College for a year in Idaho, he went on a mission for his church to Bolivia in South America for two years. When he finished his mission, he went back to Ricks College in the Fall of 2000 to finish another year before transferring to Utah State to complete his engineering degree.

Ryan and Janae met in August 2000 and started dating in October of 2000. After several months of dating and getting to know each other they were spending another evening talking about anything and everything they could think of. At one point Janae asked Ryan to tell her something about him that she didn’t already know. He told her that he was adopted. She asked him the typical follow up questions people tend to ask when they find out someone is adopted. How old were you when you were adopted? (at birth) When did you find out? (I’ve known as long as I can remember) Have you ever wanted to find your birth mom? (Not really) After a few minutes we moved on to another topic.

Ryan did go to Utah State for a year (2001-2002) but when he and Janae got married in May 2002 they moved back to Kansas to finish both of their schooling.

Over the years after they were married, occasionally the topic came up between them, or with his parents, or by other people that new or found out and wanted to ask questions. Other than his mom telling the story of his adoption the questions were usually the same as the ones Janae asked when they talked about it the first time while they were dating. With the progression of his life from child to adult to husband, to father, some of his thoughts about his own birth started evolving in his mind too. He found himself thinking and occasionally voicing different thoughts about his adoption like;

“Sometimes I’m curious but I don’t want to look.”

“I wonder if I have siblings, or half siblings.”

“My kids are the only DNA relatives I know.”

“I’m curious about my health history.”

“I’ve started to wonder about her sometimes. I’m grateful for my life and glad I have it. She could have made a different choice then adoption.”

When COVID started in 2020 Ryan worked from home but it was a little slow. Everything was slow. Like most people all the projects that had been put off forever were finally done and then they had to start getting creative with things to keep them busy. Ryan new very little about his biological mom other then where he was born and the last name Turnbull. Which is a Scottish name. One of the shows that was binged watched during this time had a lot of Scottish ancestry in it and it kind of piqued their curiosity about Ryan’s ancestry. One afternoon the topic of looking into his health history came up. There was a flurry of investigating to figure out what is would take to look into finding out who his birth parents were. Janae even printed off a request for sealed documents for Ryan to fill out and send in to the State of Missouri if he wanted. Work began picking up again and it was left on his dresser in a pile of papers that got deeper and deeper.

Over Christmas that same year, Kenny and Sherri came to visit. It wasn’t the first time Kenny had asked Ryan about his adoption but the topic came up again. Kenny loves solving a good mystery and considers himself a good internet sleuth. When Ryan mentioned he was more and more curious about his healthy history Kenny was all over him to send in a DNA test. This particular conversation, Ryan’s curiosity got the best of him and he decided to do it. Kenny also told Ryan when he was ready to let him know and he bet him he could find his birth mom within 30 minutes. Ryan decided instead of hovering around the door and wondering he would finally open it and see where it lead him. He ordered the kit from 23 and Me. It arrived a few days later. He filled it out and submitted his sample.

About 42 years earlier…When Baby Boy Turnbull’s mom was about 6 months pregnant, she went and stayed with a foster family for the last few months of her pregnancy. She was only with them for three months but developed a strong friendship with the wife of that family and kept in contact with her for years afterwards. Eventually their contact lessened and then stopped. Around Christmas in 2020 after years of not speaking with each other, the foster mom called Baby Boy Turnbull’s mom and said she had been on her mind and she wanted to see how she was doing and they reconnected.

Truth vs. Right Ponderings

The Book of Mormon and the Prophets and apostles have told us the closer we get to the second coming the harder it will be to determine right from wrong. Even from looking at society values and morals thirty years ago up to now, which seems like a long time but it isn’t, I can see how quickly something can crumble and change and people can be used and turned against each other. Satan is trying to make us see people not as people but as a threat or inconsequential, and turn us against each other and he is getting more and more successful at it.

In the past few years I’ve seen friends and family that I thought were rocks in their beliefs and knowledge of God and The Gospel, crumble and fall. It has been on my mind a lot lately. In the church it is mentioned a lot that the children and upcoming generations are going to have to be stronger and more firm then ever before to be able to navigate their futures and keep their testimonies and relationship with God strong and unbreakable. As a mom that is often on my mind, along with the worries am I teaching my kids enough. Ryan and I have had many conversations (and will have many more) and drive the kids crazy sometimes with out talks about knowing their responsibilities to learn, apply, search, study, strengthen and then repeat over and over to maintain a strong unshakable testimony of the gospel and their purpose in their lives on earth. Lately, I’ve had the desire to write it down for them to hopefully read later when I am not as present in their lives as I am now and remind them again.

The words true/right, and wrong/false, are often used interchangeably in conversation. I believe there are truths, rights, falsehoods and wrongs, and we make our choices based on what we believe those to be. However, I don’t believe those words are interchangeable. Recently, when I was reading the Book of Mormon I noticed that the word truth is used almost exclusively, instead of right or wrong. I say ‘almost exclusively’ because since pondering this thought I haven’t re-read the entire Book of Mormon to compare and see how often each word is used but what I have read specifically uses the word truth when referring to the correct way, instead of right. I think the Lord is very intentional on what words are used in the scriptures so I started thinking about that choice of word, truth verses right.

There is generally an agreeing consensus among the majority of a group of people on what is right and what is wrong. These consensuses are somewhat firm but right or wrong can change and even have some grey area, due to new information, discoveries, circumstances, societal pressure and so forth.

Then there are truths. Truths are absolute. Truths are not changeable based on political, societal, personal or even religious beliefs. Truths can not be changed but they can be accepted or rejected. Accepted or rejected truths define political, societal, personal, and religious decisions for a person. They make us what we are. Truths don’t change based on whether you believe them or not and full or partial understanding of a truth does not change it as truth. Truths are not fluid like decisions and even right and wrong. For something to be a truth does not mean it is perfectly or completely understood. Truths can have varying degrees of consequence or influence. In my life my list of absolute truths is not very long but it caries more weight and influence then any other aspect of my life. It helps provide clarity in areas of my life that can get murky. Accepting or rejecting a truth leads to accepting or rejecting other related truths.

Decisions (aka choices) are made based on information, facts, emotions, opinions, knowledge, ignorance, life experiences, right, wrong, truths, or the complete lack of some or any of these things.

In my head I envision a giant net made of all truths. Individual truths form a chain and link with all other truths, creating the net. God has a perfect complete net and knows ALL truths. We don’t. I don’t.

As individuals, we are each aware of different truths and learn and expand on different truths throughout our lives. Some have more truths then others. We are each forming our own net of truths throughout our lives. When a truth is learned, or accepted that link is galvanized and strengthened and can lead to other truths. Some truths we learn might start in the middle of the chain, and links can be made going in multiple directions. Chains can be stronger and more complete in some areas then others. Multiple parts or chains can be growing at different times and eventually they will all come together and form a giant net of truths. I think there are some critical links we can connect and grow during this life but I don’t think it is possible to have a complete perfect net in this life. I also think faith can be used as a link to connect parts of our nets when our understanding and knowledge of truths are not complete. Facts are often considered truth-especially from a science perspective. The flaw with assuming facts are absolute truths is it is not always possible to know when a complete truth is known. Sometimes facts can change if more truth is found or revealed.

This is some of my chain of truths in relation to God.

God exists. He is real, He created me. He has a purpose and a plan which is to bring about the immortality and eternal life of mankind. My truth is God is the Father of Jesus Christ and His teachings and plans were brought to the earth and fulfilled through Jesus and will continue to be.
After Christ’s death, God’s truths and power were eventually lost on earth until it was restored by God again through Joseph Smith. Joseph Smith was given the charge to translate the Book of Mormon and restore the gospel and Gods power to the earth-completely. My truth is that Joseph Smith was not perfect but he was called by God to do the things he did. Joseph did what God asked him to do and His gospel was restored and is on the earth now.
Because of the first two truths, my truths include the 13 Articles of Faith including number eight that states The Book of Mormon is the word of God. The prophets in the Book of Mormon repeatedly say it was written for our day-MY TIME. Therefore lessons and teachings in it were meant to be learned, used, and applied, to my life now.
Since God restored the priesthood to Joseph Smith, the priesthood has been organized and passed through a consecutive unbroken line of modern day prophets up to President Nelson and will continue and not be removed from the earth before He comes again.

A persons truths are the pillars of who they are. If a person accepts a truth and later rejects it (or vice versa), any decision or choice previously made based on that truth has to be remade. Some truths have more of an impact on our lives then others.

Girls Trip!

Sherri is having a baby boy at the end of April so we decided to have a girls get together while we had the chance. We kept it close to her this time. DeAnna and I flew out to Tampa and stayed at Sherri’s and my mom lives there now too so we got to all hang out together.

I was the last to arrive so the three of them picked me up and we had a great lunch at a Cuban restaurant when they picked me up from the airport. We caught up on all the latest happenings in our lives and walked along the river walk afterwards.

Love these lovely ladies!

We went on an air boat for a swamp tour, did some shopping, got our nails done, and painted some pottery. The time in between we spent getting some sun around Sherri’s newly finished pool, playing games, watching a movie, and talking. It was a wonderful weekend. The weather was 85 and perfect the whole time, I am so excited for Spring to get to Kansas. Their company was what made the weekend though. It was a great time as usual.

Captain Jack in the back. He has a perfect deep gravely voice like a Captain should.

March Madness

This post has nothing to do with basketball. The title is just referring to our regular lives and happenings.

Allison has wanted to have colored hair for a while so we finally got around to it. She loves it and the attention she gets with it.

We caught Grandpa surfing his phone…I mean taking a nap while he thought he was surfing his phone.

Ryan and I booked our 20th anniversary cruise for next May 2022. We are pretty excited! We decided on our 10th anniversary this is what we wanted to do. It is going to be awesome!

I was out of town and Ryan had the pleasure of taking the kids to church on his own. Whenever this happens he makes a point of getting the kids there 20 minutes early and rubbing it in my face because we usually screech in right on time. He did it again this time, but stepped up his game by having the Bishop send me the picture of my smiling family arriving to church 20 minutes early, instead of him. I think he is implying that I am the reason everyone is late but that is a bunch of garbage. He also sent me a picture of Emilee and her decision of what to wear to church that day. The girl rocks her own style.

I met Ryan at a parking lot the other day and noticed a new addition to his car. This is his required license plate cover for the next month or so. He forgot to mention it to me, but like I said, I noticed, and have made sure it is now documented. What a good sport he is! I will also note that it had recently snowed and there was still snow on the roads so that is the reason for the atrociously egregious filthy condition of his beloved car. Under usual conditions it is spotless.

Another first for our family. Matthew went into have some tests done to check out his growth hormone levels. He had to get an IV that he was trying to play cool for but he was pretty nervous. When he was six and had to have some blood drawn it took me (7 months pregnant with Allison) and two male nurses to hold him still enough for the third nurse to draw the blood. His self control and braveness have improved a lot in the past 8 years as you might expect. He handled it like a champ.

I saw this little meme somewhere on my phone the other day and screen shot it because it is true and a good reminder.

Allison and dad got their garden started. They planted a salad/salsa garden. There will be lots of peppers, lettuce, tomatoes, onions, cucumbers, and pea plant just for me.

Rhonda

The Straw

About a week and a half ago Ryan went over and to see his parents. Rhonda was not making a lot of sense and said she didn’t feel well. Everyone came over for dinner to our house on the next day and she was still acting a little weird. Both Roger and Rhonda kind of blew it off and said she would be ok. The next day we texted them and they said she was better. Tuesday night after we had dinner Ryan said he wanted to go and check on her in person so we went over to say hello. She was not doing better. Roger was flustered because he had just found out she had taken her morning pills for morning and night for the past several days and had not taken any of her night pills. He kept asking her why and what she did and she was caught in the same loop of a thirty second story that ended with her staring at the pills in her hand and trying to count them. Roger thought if she took the pills everything would be fine. Rhonda thought she had taken the pills. Ryan was trying to explain that the pills had nothing to do with it, she had been loopy long before the pill mix up and she needed to go to the hospital because he thought she was having a stroke. It got a little awkward especially when Ryan said either we take her to the hospital or call an ambulance to come get her. They kind of threw up their hands and said fine they would go.

Week One.

She ended up spending a week in the hospital. She was not having a stroke. That was a relief to know. She would have likely gone into kidney failure and died if she had waited to much longer to go to the hospital. The initial tests showed her calcium levels were way to high and her kidneys weren’t working as great as they should be. She was also severely dehydrated. The first few days were spent trying to balance here mineral levels and rehydrating her with a constant IV. The calcium levels being so high is what was making her not be able to think clearly. They figured out what the problem pretty quickly was but weren’t sure what was causing the problem in the first place.

Several Months Previously

Rhonda noticed that she had a lymph node in her neck that was swollen. She had recently had an ear infection so she thought it was residual from that but after several different antibiotics and several weeks it hadn’t changed much. She went in and had an ultrasound done and they were planning on removing it. When she went into have it removed the ENT said he didn’t think they needed to remove it, they would just continue to monitor it and in the mean time, she should try some coconut herbal toothpaste to see if it helped. (This doctor is now referred to as The Lazy Moron).

Back to the hospital.

After a few days in the hospital Roger and Rhonda mentioned the incident with the swollen lymph node to the doctors. They did an exam and found that she had enlarged lymph nodes in her neck, under her arms, and in her groin. They scheduled a surgery to remove a piece of her lymph node for biopsy. The doctor who did her surgery asked to say a prayer with her before they went in. Roger mentioned that this brought him comfort and he appreciated the doctors genuine concern. Then the waiting for results started. The doctor who did the surgery told them that from his experience and what he saw he thought it was most likely lymphoma but results would need to be verified. Because he thought this, he removed a larger portion so they could do follow up tests they would want to do if it did turn out to be lymphoma. By doing this the doctor moved the treatment process forward at least two weeks. I personally appreciated the doctors efforts and concern but was a little upset that he would throw out the ‘C’ word without an official diagnosis. We all prayed that he was wrong.

Waiting

The results took several days to come back. In the mean time, Rhonda stayed in the hospital and they continued to monitor her mineral levels-specifically calcium and vitamin D, and her kidneys. Another possible diagnosis of sarcoidosis was mentioned. We hoped that this would be the case, her symptoms checked the boxes for sarcoidosis more than lymphoma symptoms and treatment and management seemed more manageable. Results were said to come in on Monday or Tuesday. We had about four more days to wait. Roger stayed at the hospital with Rhonda during the day and then came home to sleep at night. Ryan, Ross and I went to the hospital as often as we could to offer company or give Roger a chance to take a break for a few hours. Roger and Rhonda were both scheduled to get their COVID vaccine on Friday but Rhonda had to cancel her appointment which caused both of them more stress. Roger was able to get his first one though. On Monday I went to spend the afternoon with them. Rhonda was doing pretty good, her mind was clear and she was annoyed at all the poking and prodding and constant interruption from nurses, doctors, physical therapy, cleaners, lab technicians, and having to use the restroom every hour because of all the fluids they were putting in her. She had been there long enough that there was a sense of routine. Roger likes to have a plan and be helpful. He has cared for and helped Rhonda for decades since they have been married. That care has gotten more intense for him the past twenty years as different parts of her health have declined and her body struggles in different ways. It was sweet to watch him brush her hair and rub her head. He knows how to help her move and reposition herself so she is as comfortable as possible.

Results

Roger had an appointment at the same hospital Rhonda was staying and was going to be gone for an hour or so. Rhonda was feeling tired so he helped her use the restroom and got her all tucked in for a nap before he left. I got comfy and started reading a book. About two minutes after she fell asleep they came in a woke her up to take her vitals. She fell back asleep then someone came in to clean her room. Just as she dozed off again the nurse came in and woke her up because she had a phone call and handed the phone to Rhonda. I asked the nurse who it was and she said it was her doctor. Since Rhonda was having some memory issues I went over and listened so I could hear in case she couldn’t remember everything he said. I heard him say, “I’m sorry it isn’t better news. The Oncologist will be there to talk with you in the next few hours.” Then he hung up. Rhonda just looked at me. I asked her what he said. She said, “I have malignant lymphoma.” Just like that the world went silent and crashed in around us. Our lives were changing forever and Rhonda was in a fight for her life. I told her I was so sorry and gave her a hug. She told me she didn’t want to die. I curled up next to her in her bed, held her and we cried together. After a few minutes I sent Roger a text telling him to come back as soon as he could and I texted Ryan. He left work and came to see her. We spent the next 45 minutes crying and talking. She was shocked and overwhelmed. We both were, I didn’t know what to do for her. It was hard being the one to get the news with her but I was so glad she wasn’t alone. I was angry the doctor told her the way he did. What if she had been alone or foggy and didn’t remember. I mostly just held her and we cried together. She wanted to know if she was going to make it another Christmas, how long she had, what to do next. She wanted her purse to give me some money to pass on to Ethan because it was his birthday that day. She wanted me to promise her things I would do for her. Ryan got there not to long after I called him. He came in and joined us on the bed. It wasn’t easy to fit three adults and all her cords and equipment on a single bed so I gave him my spot and moved to a chair and held her hand. Right after that the oncologist came in. Roger wasn’t back yet so we asked her to come back, she said she would in 45 minutes. Roger came back about 5 minutes after she left. He hadn’t seen my text so we told him the news. There wasn’t a lot to talk about. We all just sat there together and waited for the 40 minutes to pass until the oncologist came back. It felt like a week.

The Oncologist

I think we were all silently willing her to come back. Doctors say they will come back in a ‘few minutes’ all the time and its hours or even days. The whole process is enough to drive you insane. She did come back when she said she would to our relief. She said it was Large B Cell Lymphoma. She was ordering some additional tests to be done so they could narrow in on the specific treatment that would be best for her. This type of cancer is considered aggressive but the positive side to that is aggressive cancers respond well to chemotherapy. The negative side is that they have to treat it aggressively. Reading between the lines the biggest obstacle for Rhonda will be handling and surviving the treatment. It will take a lot out of her and her body is already dealing with a lot with all her other health conditions aside from the cancer. Lymphomas are considered curable though and her chances are good. I asked about what stage it is in. Lymphoma is different from other cancers in relation to what the stages mean. In localized cancers the stages refer to the level of cancer. The higher the number the worse the chances of recovery. With Lymphoma, the stage refers to the number of areas the cancer has spread in the body. They know there are two areas for sure (neck and under arms) the tests/scans will show them if its in her abdomen(stage 3) and legs(stage 4). However, chances for success are the same for stage 1 as they are for stage 4 with lymphoma. We didn’t felt like we knew a ton more after we talked with the oncologist but the plans were set in motion to define and start the treatment Rhonda will need.

Now What.

At drastic events in my life I often have a weird feeling of time freezing. The shock forms a little bubble around me and it seems like everything else just stops. Eventually it pops and you are startled that the world still exists and is moving on. When Rhonda got the news and told me I felt like we were in one of those bubbles. When the oncologist finished talking to us and left the room the bubble popped. Everyone is left with a ‘what do we do now’ feeling. It is all a little surreal, emerging from the bubble puts a slightly different hue and feeling to life and what was familiar just hours before is now a little different. Ryan and I wanted to give Roger and Rhonda time to digest and talk about everything. Ethan had a birthday dinner, Roger and Rhonda were not going to come obviously but the rest of us wanted to attend and prolong life the way they new it, before finding out, a little bit longer. Ryan and I were in separate cars so I left to get the kids. He left a few minutes later and met us at the restaurant. I don’t remember the drive or the rest of that night very much. My mind was trying to reconcile the my old and new reality. I also kept thinking I couldn’t fathom how Rhonda was feeling.

Home.

They let Rhonda go home the next day. She was stable but still weak and now had the added emotional and mental burden of knowing her condition. She did want to get home and was happy to sleep in her own bed. She has been given several blessings. Her and Roger spent the next week adjusting and getting the tests done to see what treatment will work best. They had the appointment to find out what the plan was and start it scheduled on a Friday. Right before they left for the appointment they found out it had been rescheduled to Monday. They had been in good spirits and had a positive outlook when I had seen them up to this point. I think rescheduling the appointment was a discouraging blow for them. If it were me, everyday of waiting would feel like one more day of letting the enemy cancer cells in my body entrench themselves even more. Ross and Ryan have been stopping by to visit and help almost everyday.

The New Normal

Roger called Ryan last night and he helped take her to the hospital again. She was really weak and tired and Roger was worried about her. They didn’t admit her but gave her more fluids and checked her mineral levels. Sleep would be best for her, she doesn’t sleep more than an hour or so without getting up to use the restroom. Roger has to help her so this means he doesn’t either. Roger had high blood pressure before all this happened. He admitted that he has some tightness in his chest now too. We are worried about him too. He does a great job caring for Rhonda but that is the only thing he is doing. He needs to find something to give him a break and let out his own stress and frustrations. So far he hasn’t been interested in any of our suggestions but we will try again once they have her treatment started. Ryan and I are glad they are close and can call anytime. This is going to be a marathon, not a sprint and it will take lots of support and help from lots of people to get through it.

Our Kids.

The kid knew Grandma had been in the hospital. They all made her cards and sent her pictures but because of COVID they couldn’t go to the hospital to visit her. Rhonda wants them to be around and still see them, she thinks it will help her stamina and emotionally to see and interact with them. Ryan and Ross and I agree. Roger is concerned about COVID and stressed that having grandkids around might cause more stress than good. We are working on a happy solution for everyone. We had a little family meeting this week and told our kids about Grandma and what the doctors found out. Emilee is young enough that she doesn’t quite grasp the gravity of it and seems to be doing ok. Matthew asked some questions and is worried and willing to help anyway he can, he seems to be doing ok also. Allison is a little more concerning to me. She knows what cancer is and that you can die from it. She is really close to Rhonda. She didn’t say much when we told them and hasn’t gone over to see her since. I have tried to talk with her a little but I think the best thing for Allison is to give her some time to digest the news then she will be ready to support her Grandma.

We have a long road ahead of us, I hope that we can all help and do what we need to do.

Peanut Visits The Vet

Peanut took a trip to the vet this week. Allison was concerned with his foot and thought his belly was bothering him so I appeased her by taking him in for a checkup. He is doing about as great as can be expected for a guinea pig. The Doctor (who ironically is extremly allergic to guinea pigs) said she is doing a great job at taking care of him. They trimmed his nails while we were there to which I appreciated as Peanuts current nail trimmer.

She rewarded him with a new enclosure in his cage to burrow in. The old one was made of plastic. The new one is made of wood so he can snuggle in it and chew on it. He is a well loved Guinea Pig.