2021 – Page 5 – Terry Family Shenanigans

Sharing The News

Telling his parents weighed the most on him. The night after he talked to Sherrie for the first time he went over to talk to his parents. Rhonda was having a rough day health wise so he decided to wait. He went over for the next several days in a row to tell them but Rhonda seemed to be getting worse. She ended up being checked into the hospital and we found out she had lymphoma. Ryan wanted to share the news but didn’t want to stress his mom out more. He knew she would be emotional about it and was worried about the stress it would cause her. She ended up being in the hospital for over a week. One of the evenings he spent in the hospital with her they had a talk that ended up leading towards Ryan finding his birth mom at some point. Ryan didn’t tell her then because he didn’t want to tell her while she was in the hospital but he was able to talk with her and let he know that some day he wanted to meet her. He felt it was a blessing to prep her a little before he told her when she felt good enough. A few days after Rhonda got home from the hospital Ryan and I walked over to see his parents and Ross was there. Rhonda was having a good night and Ryan decided to tell them. Ryan said he thought it went as well as he expected it would. I think it went a lot better than I expected it too. Ryan did an amazing job of sharing his story with them about why he finally decided to find his birth mom and how he found her. Roger was very receptive and seemed happy for Ryan. Rhonda was sad and made a few comments about Ryan leaving her. Ryan assured her she was his mom forever and that would never change and he never wanted it to change. Over the past several weeks since he talked to his parents he has talked with them several more times about his experiences. At some point Ryan hopes that his mom and dad will be able to meet Sherrie. Rhonda wants to wait until she is better and everyone understands that. He is looking forward to their meeting and thinks they will be great friends. Sherrie has told Ryan many times that Rhonda is her hero. She has thought of her as that from the day Ryan was born and she is so happy that she is such an amazing mom to Ryan. Thinking of her taking care of Ryan over the years and loving him brought her a lot of peace.

Ryan has spent a lot of time thinking and processing his thoughts and how others might feel or react. I have been touched by his concern for others while he has been navigating all the emotions he didn’t expect at the same time. He has been open and honest with everyone and has wanted to help his family understand he loves them and finding his biological family doesn’t and won’t change any of that. He has no doubt that Heavenly Father was guiding and helping him get to the family he was supposed to be with and everything worked out the way it was supposed to. There have been many things that have happened through this whole process that have shown him that God is still watching out for him and his family and guiding him to find people and tell them at the right times. I have seen a lot of spiritual and emotional growth in him the past few months.

Shortly after Ryan and Sherrie spoke on the phone for the first time, her husband Dave sent Ryan an email. The first week after finding Sherrie Ryan was extremely emotional and had a lot of mixed feelings about things. He found Dave’s email very comforting and was appreciative of him sending it to him. It helped him know a little more about who Sherrie and he were.

Dear Ryan:

I just wanted to say thank you for your courage and boldness in reaching out to Sherrie. This was the secret desire of her heart to know that she could know that you were safe and happy, and getting to hear from you and meet you is wonderful.

I thought I’d just share a few things with you concerning Sherrie.

She is a fiercely devoted mother and Grandmother. Her children and grandchildren are constantly calling her. The grandchildren are always asking “Meme are you going to be at my…(birthday party, school lunch, sacrament meeting, tomorrow…)?” It is really delightful the way they seek her out.

We live in a somewhat economically depressed area of Arkansas in Yell County. The county covers 927 square miles. In 1992 we were formed as a Branch and started with a regular attendance of about 18 people. There have been times when our attendance was only 11. That said, we are still a very small Branch, and as you can imagine, the few active members have always had multiple callings and assignments. Throughout the years, Sherrie has held every possible calling and has been enthusiastic in serving in whatever calling she had. In our Branch we have seen a lot of people join the Church, embrace the Gospel, improve financially, then move on to better opportunity. We have birds that regularly build nests on our windows. They build, raise their babies, then fly off. We often feel that’s the way our Branch operates.

in July 1998, Eric, our middle son, was diagnosed with cancer. On April 7, 2000, just 3 days before Sherrie’s Birthday, Eric (10 years old) passed away in Cardinal Glennon Hospital in St. Louis. We buried him on April 11, 2000, the day after Sherrie’s birthday. That was a very difficult event for our entire family, but especially for Sherrie. However, we know that families are eternal, and we will be with Eric again.

Sherrie and I met in August 1979, and were married January 18, 1990. She was a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints and I was not. Shortly after we met, she told me that she had a child and had delivered the child for adoption. I know that it hurt her tremendously, but we couldn’t discuss it. I know that it was always her desire to be assured that you were safe, that you would have grown up strong with Faith in Christ. However, she knew that she couldn’t seek you out and threaten the family and your mother by just popping up. So she silently hoped the best for you in her heart.

Imagine the joy that you have brought her by reaching out. Imagine her joy in knowing you have a strong family, and you have a wife and children of your own. By your reaching out to Sherrie has freed her to be able to openly and honestly discuss this with her children, parents, brothers and sisters.

I want you to know that this is a great blessing you have given us by reaching out to Sherrie.

Thank you.

May Heavenly Father Bless your Mother and Father, your sisters and brothers, your wife and your children. May your children’s children remember your gift and blessing.

Respectfully, and Sincerely

David E. Torgerson

The day Sherrie found out about Ryan, she immediately wanted to tell her kids. She told Giselle and Austin together at Giselle’s house. After she told them Sherrie called David and said she had something she needed to talk to all of them about and they were all coming over to his house that evening. When David hung up the phone, he told his wife he had something to tell her. He said he had an older brother that his mom gave up for adoption before he was born. He said his mom was coming over and he knew it was about his brother. She either found him, or found out that he wasn’t alive. While David was waiting for his mom he then got to explain to his wife of 17+ years of marriage why this was the first time she was hearing anything about an older brother that had been given up for adoption.

Sherrie and Dave’s oldest son is named David too. He first learned about Ryan on his mission when he wrote her a letter and said he wanted to know, not if, but who his older brother was because he knew he had one. Sherrie told him about Ryan through letters. She didn’t know anything other than he was a boy so other than her experience she didn’t have much to share. When David was talking with his mission president at his exit interview from his mission he told his president about Ryan and that he was planning on going to find him and meet him. His mission president told him that while he understood his desire, he didn’t think it was best for him to find Ryan. He told him Ryan had his own life and they didn’t know anything about it and it wasn’t fair to disrupt it. Ryan might not even know he was adopted. David decided to not try and find his brother at that time. When Sherrie called David the day she found out about Ryan and said she wanted to come over and talk with him and his family, David said he immediately knew it was something about Ryan. He knew Sherrie had found him and he was reaching out to her or she found out he had passed away. Once Sherrie confirmed that Ryan had reached out to her and wanted to connect with her and her family, David immediately texted Ryan and said he had been hoping to meet him for years and was looking forward to getting to know him.

Giselle and Austin had no idea about Ryan. The first they heard was the day Ryan contacted Sherrie. It was a shock to them but they seemed to take it in stride.

Austin said hi over text but there wasn’t much more communication until they met in person a few months later. Being 25 and not married his perspective of the situation was a little different then everyone else. It might be a while before he realizes and processes all the baggage that goes with this. They have a similar sense of humor and many interests that are the same. I think they will have a comfortable relationship in the future.

Giselle went through shock and acceptance of having a ‘lost brother’ pretty quick and reached out to Ryan and zoomed with him pretty quickly. Shortly after they talked she had a lot of emotions set it and has been a little overwhelmed sorting through them. She is excited to meet and get to know Ryan but feels a sense of loss at the same time. She told him she missed him after they talked and was sad that she had missed out on his life even though she didn’t know about him. She had the most trepidation in meeting Ryan. Sherrie and David have a son named Eric that passed away when he was ten years old from cancer. Eric was a few years older than Giselle and Austin. I think a lot of the feelings of losing her brother Eric have resurfaced since finding Ryan. Everyone agrees that Ryan looks the most like Eric and it would be strange to have a brother that entered your life years later that looked so much like a brother you had lost. It is a lot to process. I think they will be able to have a good relationship at some point but it will take a little time.

Genevieve, like David, somehow new that she had an older brother besides David when she was younger. When she was 13 she cornered her mom and said she wanted to know about him. She never knew if she would meet him but she hoped someday it might happen. When Sherrie told her about Ryan she asked where he was and immediately wanted to meet him. Several weeks later it worked out that she came to visit our house with Sherrie and was able to meet Ryan. She is a sweet person and seemed to immediately be ready to have Ryan in her life.

Ryan had been talking with Ross and keeping him updated on the search and finally finding Sherrie. He was excited for Ryan but also had a little worry for a minute when he found out because of the possibility of change. He was at Rhonda’s house when Ryan told his parents and helped her understand that finding his birth mom didn’t mean she was losing or even changing the relationship Ryan had with his family. I was glad he was there, Ryan told me later that he was glad he was there too.

We waited to tell our kids until after Ryan had talked to his parents. We didn’t want any chance of one of them letting it slip before Ryan could talk to them first. We were unsure how they would react and nervous about telling them. Our concern was unfounded though. They new Ryan was adopted and seemed to take it completely in stride when we told them that he had found his birth mom. Emilee in particular was tickled pink that she would have even more cousins to play with. Allison told us that she wasn’t going to call Sherrie grandma because she had two grandma’s already but didn’t seem opposed to someday possibly meeting her. Matthew was a typical 14 year old teenager and said. “Ok, can I go back to playing basketball.” It was a relief to know (other than Allison stating her loyalty, which we told her was just fine and her grandma’s would appreciate her devotion) they didn’t seem to be rocked or concerned when we told them. Kids are pretty great at accepting and embracing changes.

When Ryan found out about Sherrie and contacted her it was a crazy overwhelming experience. He was able share it with a lot of his family and close friends over the next several weeks. I am writing this to help him remember the experience and feelings he had. He recorded some on his own as well. Some people have said what amazing coincidences have happened over the years but we know it isn’t coincidences. This whole experience has been and continues to have amazing little miracles happen that confirm to us that Heavenly Father is so aware of each of us. It has left Ryan without a doubt that his mom and dad were meant to be his parents and the way he got to them wasn’t the conventional way but Heavenly Father guided everyone to help not just Ryan but Sherrie, Roger, Rhonda, and their families. It is a pretty amazing story.

I am so grateful for the family and friends that have shared the excitement, concern, and dozens of other emotions that have taken turns at the front of the line the past few months. Kenny spent hours and hours finding the right person that linked Ryan to Sherrie. Ryan followed the prompting to reach out to Perry who facilitated and prepared Sherrie to find Ryan. My family, Ryan’s family, Sherrie’s family, and our amazing friends the Dunn’s, Johnson, Sam, the McDonald’s and a lot more have been nothing but supportive of Ryan as he has started navigating through all of this. It is pretty incredible how everything has turned out.

Truth

Bixby, Oklahoma

Matthew had a baseball tournament in Oklahoma a few weeks ago. It was actually for the sister team he plays with but they needed a few extra players so Matthew went. Long story short they ended up changing the rules for the tournament in the middle of one of our games-totally ridiculous I know- and our coaches decided that we were going to withdraw instead of let them just change things to make a point. So the tournament was a bust, but we had fun going to other games and were able to get back home earlier for Mother’s Day. Matthew’s main team has several siblings that Emilee plays with, there weren’t any that came on this team so she did a good job being a trooper even though she was bored most of the time. Allison stayed home with Grandma and Grandpa Terry instead of coming for the weekend. We are really glad that they live here. We all needed a break from each other and she loves spending time at their house.

Emilee’s I’m not having fun but fake it till you make it smile.

Ryan’s Phone

My pictures from my phone automatically download to my computer and I can add them to wherever I want them. Ryan’s pictures stay on his phone and are never seen again, so I occasionally try to look through his pictures and get the ones from him that I want to make it into the memory books. Its been a while but I found a few cute random pictures yesterday.

These next few are from our Colorado vacation with my family a few years ago.

This is from this past Christmas. Ross photo bombed us. We were going for attempt #2 but I like the first attempt better.

This last picture is one I took of the two ducks that are at the barn Emilee does her horse lessons. They make us happy. They have their own stall and during the day they wander around and entertain themselves. They like to play tag with people. They will be the chaser or the chasey.

The barn ducks at Emilee’s horse riding lessons.

Found A Gem

Every now and then when I am walking around the house I come across my kids being kids in such a cute way it makes me smile. Sometimes I am lucky and get a picture of it.

Allison will organize something or make a list or possible outfits to wear in the morning. Emilee watching her stuffed animals getting washed in the washer with concern they are not enjoying it. Matthew talking to Peanut and telling him he is the cutest. I love little moments like that.

We have a white board on the wall in our basement. I see it often when I am on the treadmill. It has had writing on it for a while but I didn’t take the time to read what it said until recently and it made me smile.

A few weeks ago when our cousins were over at our house, Jovee and Emilee decided to make an outline of their plan to shoot Ethan and Matthew with the Nerf Guns. As you can see they put a lot of thought into it.

There are symbols for Ethan and Matthew instead of their names.

There is a list of needed supplies…or ‘geer’.

A detailed plan of action.

And of course, a plan to regroup after the plan is completed and plan the next plan.

I LOVE IT!!

The Chair

We have had some work done on our basement lately so I have been going through things and cleaning out closets and storage areas. I have never been attached to stuff. I have things that would make me feel sad to lose but for the most part if I don’t have a spot or a space for it I am all for getting rid of it or giving it to someone that can use it. My sentimental side is put into photos and journals.

So as I was cleaning things out and discarding things, one of the items that was left sitting in the middle of the floor was my blue rocking chair. This chair was purchased a few weeks before we had Matthew. I wanted a chair in his room to sit in when he nursed or at night for story time. At the time we bought this chair I really liked the look of the popular rocking chairs that had a matching rocking ottoman. We had looked at and tried several of that style, they were cute but when I sat in them I was less than impressed. They were not comfortable, they didn’t recline, and they were ridiculously expensive too. So other then looking cute in the nursery pictures at stores it seemed useless to me.

One of the weekends before Matthew was born Ryan and I were looking at couches at a store for our house in Wichita and noticed they had a room full of consigned furniture for sale. I walked through it and found this little blue reclining rocking chair. It was a smaller one so when I sat in it the arms were close and easy to reach and would work perfect to rest my arm on when holding a baby. It was cushioned everywhere so it was nice and comfy. It rocked, or could be reclined with a foot rest in many different angles. I pictures a nice little grandma or grandpa that had it in their home for a few decades. It was in really good condition and clean. I thought it was perfect! We bought it and brought it home and put it in Matthew’s room.

It worked perfectly for me over the years. I rocked and snuggled all my babies in it. It didn’t creek or make noise when you rocked in it. I read thousands of books, took hundreds of naps, and spent many nights comfortably sleeping in it with a sick baby or toddler sleeping on my chest. I thought about recovering it sometimes but never got around to it. It stayed in the youngest kids room up until we moved to our new house in 2015. In our new house we didn’t really have a spot for it but I put it in all of our kids rooms for awhile until they wanted to fill the space with something else. I even had it in my room for a bit. Then it ended up in the basement and Matthew spent countless hours in it when he broke his leg.

When we had the last of our built in work put in the basement I was all out of spots to put it. I moved it to the garage and it stayed there for a while. I asked around a bit with neighbors and friends and church to see if anyone wanted it. No takers. I loaded several other items and things in my van and donated them but kept leaving the chair in the garage. Finally I loaded the chair up in the van and drove it to the salvation army. Then I parked in the parking lot and debated with myself for way longer than I will admit if I should donate it or not. Then I called Ryan and ran my thoughts through him. I have no need for this chair…I seem to have some attachment to it…I feel hesitant to donate it…I am acting crazy about a chair…I want to donate it but I don’t want it to become a college kids pot smoking chair…I thought I knew what his answer would be but he surprised me. He told me that a few months ago he would have told me that I was being irrational and to donate the chair (that is the answer I was expecting) but after the last few months with discovering his biological family and dealing with buckets of unknown buried, new and overwhelming emotions he is a changed man now and understands that the chair is important to me and he will support me in keeping the chair or donating it. Whatever I wanted to do. Sweet answer, but not helpful.

I got off the phone with Ryan and talked out loud to myself in my car for a few minutes and decided I would donate the chair. I would hope someone that needed it would have it and my sweet chair would be useful to someone else, hopefully a new mom or grandparent…not a college student.

I drove up to the donation area, the man helping me said they only took furniture in really good condition. I told him the chair was in great condition, not a rip or stain on it. Someone would be very happy to have it, I rocked all my babies in it and I wouldn’t give it to him if he was going to throw it away or give it to a pot head. He put a hand on my shoulder and said he would find it a good home. Then I left and cried all the way home about a chair.

I know it wasn’t about the chair. The chair just reminded me of the memories I had with all my babies that aren’t babies anymore. It was one of the last if not the last thing I had around the house from their baby years. That man probably called me the crazy lady and gave the chair to the first person that wanted it, but I hope it found a good home.

This isn’t a fitting picture for such a special chair-stuck out in the garage. It is in many pictures in our memory books over the years though.

Fascinating Little Buggers

This is the crabs in their new home. I think it is not to shabby. Jeffrey, Crab Cakes, and Georgia are pretty lucky crabs. We have the humidity and temperature where they like it and they seem to be pretty happy and active. They explore, swim, climb, sleep, eat, and dig in the sand. We think one of them is in the molting process because she has tunneled deep into the sand and we haven’t seen her for a few days. We watched another one switch shells. Crabs outside of their shell or pretty creepy looking. It is like alien creepy. We often find ourselves just watching the crabs crawl around. I would never have expected them to be so interesting. I would even say they are a little cute…when they have a shell on their back.

First Conversations

It was 1pm on Friday and Ryan had another meeting at 2pm. He decided that he couldn’t wait that long so he called Perry back. Perry answered the phone and Ryan said, “Hi, this is Ryan. This is kind of crazy.”

Perry said, “Hi Ryan, we know who you are and we have been praying for you, your whole life. My sister Sherrie is your birth mom. She would love to connect with you if you want.”

They talked for most of the next hour on Ryan’s way to his next meeting. Perry told him that he had gotten his Facebook Message and his email right away. He was pretty shocked but immediately contacted his wife. She is one of their family experts on family history so she started doing a little fact checking on Ryan to make sure he wasn’t a weirdo. She googled him, searched him on Linked In, and Facebook. They were able to find some pictures of him. They could see the family resemblance right away and Ryan’s birth date and place matched the information they knew about his sister giving up her baby. They showed a picture of Ryan to one of their sons and asked him who he looked like without any explanation. He looked at it for about two seconds and said, Austin. Austin was his cousin and Sherrie’s youngest son, which would make him Ryan’s half brother, if Sherrie was Ryan’s birth mom. She followed the family history Ryan and given them based on his DNA with their own family history and confirmed that they also thought they were related. His wife said she thought Ryan was a legit person and didn’t give off any big red crazy flags so with a cautious concern to Perry to remember we have a mother’s (Rhonda) feelings to protect and consider as they moved forward. They decided to proceed and contact Sherrie and let her know Ryan had contacted them and then contact Ryan back and tell him he had found his biological family.

Sherrie now lived in Arkansas about an hour away from Perry. She has a son at BYU, and a married daughter and son that lived in Utah with their families. She had gone out to see them for a little bit and was supposed to fly home that Friday. The airlines had contacted her and told her that her flight had been canceled so she ended up staying an extra day or two in Utah. Instead of being on an airplane when Perry called, she was helping her daughter pick up one of her kids from school. When she answered Perry’s call he told her he’d had an amazing experience that he wanted to share with her. He told her he wanted her to sit down. Perry told her that a young man had reached out to him and said he was looking to find his biological family. He told her they had confirmed it the best they could and were pretty positive that it was the baby she had given up for adoption in 1979.

Sherrie was beyond shocked. Of all the possible things that ran through her mind when Perry said he needed to tell her something, this had not been one of them. She was immediately overwhelmed. Perry told her all the information he had and asked her if she wanted him to contact Ryan back and if she wanted to talk to him. Sherrie said she definitely wanted to talk with him but needed a bit to process and get her emotions under control and tell her kids. Perry told her he would be in touch and hung up to call Ryan.

Here are some of the things Perry and Ryan talked about on their first phone call together.

Perry told Ryan he was really glad that he had reached out to him first so he could contact Sherrie first. Later on everyone in the family told Ryan he picked the perfect person to contact first in the family. That was a confirmation to Ryan that he had definitely been lead by The Spirit to contact Perry first instead of Bill Bertelson.

Perry told Ryan that his sister had gotten pregnant and he found out while he was on his mission so she had already had the baby and given him up for adoption and moved out to Utah before he came home from his mission. He said they didn’t talk about it a lot over the years but there were a few occasions they did. It wasn’t a secret but it was very painful for Sherrie to discuss and think about. They always hoped he was ok and happy and with a good family and prayed for him.

Sherrie was now married and had 5 more children after Ryan. David was married and lived with his wife and six children in Herriman Utah. Their next oldest Genevieve was married and lived with her husband and son in Arkansas about an hour from Sherrie. Their third child was a daughter that lived in Herriman Utah as well, and her and her husband had two boys. They had another son named Eric that got cancer when he was around 10 years old and passed away. Their youngest son was named Austin and he was finishing up his last semester at BYU.

Perry asked Ryan if he wanted him to have Sherrie contact him. Ryan was feeling pretty overwhelmed. At this point it had barely been twelve hours since Kenny had contacted him telling him he found his biological family. Now he had it confirmed and knew not only his biological mom which was mind blowing in itself but also aunts, uncles, nieces, nephews, grandparents, and four living half siblings. He told Perry that he did want to talk with her and when she was ready he would like to talk on the phone. Perry gave him Sherrie’s phone number and passed Ryan’s on to her.

After Ryan’s call ended with Perry he took a few minutes to group call Sherri, Kenny and I and fill us in on as much of the conversation as he could in about 5 minutes before heading into his next meeting even though his mind was on nothing but the conversation he had just had with his new found Uncle. After his last meeting of the day he was finally able to come home and sit down and try to digest everything he had discovered in the last few hours.

The rest of Sherrie’s day after her phone call from Perry.

Sherrie had a lot of difficult emotions she had wrapped up in a tight little box over the years around discovering she was pregnant and going through the process of giving Ryan up for adoption. Some of the bigger players being guilt and regret. When her two oldest children David and Genevieve were growing up there were a few times they asked about their older brother. Sherrie didn’t know if someone else had told them, or she said something about it she didn’t remember but to her knowledge she had never told them about their older brother. Each time they asked she tried to change the subject or disregard the question. When Genevieve was about 13 years old she came to her mom and told her that she had always felt like she had an older brother besides David and she needed to know why. Sherri decided to tell her at that time she did have a son before David that she had given up for adoption. She didn’t know anything else about him and most likely they would never meet him in this life. Later on when David was in the MTC for his mission, he sent his mom a letter describing the same thoughts Genevieve had years earlier and wanted to know not if, but who his older brother was. Sherri wrote him back and told him her story. Ending with the same thing she told Genevieve, she didn’t think it was possible they would ever know who he was or meet him in this life.

Sherrie never told her Giselle or Austin about Ryan. When Sherrie got off the phone with Perry, her daughter saw her face and was concerned. She could tell something big had happened. She started asking her mom questions and trying to figure out what happened. Sherrie told her she needed all three of her kids that were in Utah to get together because she had something to tell them, but she only wanted to say it once.

It took a few hours for Austin to come to Giselle’s house. Sherri stuck to her guns and wouldn’t say anything until he got there. She called David and told him she would be coming over to his house after she talked to them and he was done at work to tell him something important. When Austin got to Giselle’s they sat down and Sherri told them about giving Ryan up for adoption and that he had reached out to Perry and wanted to talk with her. They learned they had a half brother. Obviously they were shocked. They spent some time talking about it and then went over to David’s and told him the brother he thought he would never meet had reached out to Sherrie.

Later that evening Sherrie texted Ryan for the first time. She said she was very nervous and would probably be weird and awkward but when he was ready she would like to call him. Ryan texted her back and said he was going to be weird and awkward too but her was ready to talk when she was. Sherrie called him back almost immediately. I listened long enough for them to get through their hellos and hear Sherrie’s sweet Arkansas accent then left the room. They talked for about an hour and started to get to know each other. They talked about their day and the emotions they had experienced and started to share the stories of their lives. At the end of their conversation they decided they would try a zoom call the next evening. The next night they saw each other through their computers and talked for several more hours.

Gulf Shores Alabama 2021

The kids had spring break in March like usual this year but we decided to postpone a bit and went to Gulf Shores in Alabama in April instead. We originally invited Grandma and Grandpa Terry to go with us and Ross and Lauren and their family. Grandma and Grandpa decided they didn’t want to go in case Grandma wasn’t feeling good. She had her second chemo treatment the day before we left. So it was the Terry cousins and us. We left a Friday after school and drove the first 4 1/2 hours then stayed the night at a hotel. Driving wasn’t bad at all. The kids and adults swapped around between the two cars so we seemed to have more peaceful traveling. When we headed out the next morning we had about 10 hours left to drive. We stopped at Mammoth Springs and walked around the lake and saw the waterfall. Uncle Ross stood on one side of the bridge and dropped a leaf and then hurried to the other side to watch it fall down the waterfall. The kids thought is was great fun and spent the next 15 minutes tossing sticks and leaves and watching them go over the falls. They would all yell in excitement every time. It was hilarious. They would have done it a lot longer but we dragged them away to get back on the road. We saw a muskrat or beaver (there was a debate we settled by letting everyone call it what they wanted since there was no clear view of its tail). We also saw lots of pretty birds, including two that were right on the trail and were not interested in moving out of the way at all.

After that, we stopped to eat and pee until we arrived at Gulf Shores. We grabbed some groceries. Shopping with six kids is always a treat. We had enough sugary cold cereals to last the week plus the next month. When we got to our condo it was about 8 pm so it was already dark, we moved in and got settled and enjoyed the view of the ocean from the patio. It was a nice little spot for us. Each couple had a room, the boys shared a room and the girls shared a room. The weather looked like it would be a little dicey but Sunday-Wednesday afternoon was pretty gorgeous weather. Our condo opened right to the beach. If the weather was sunny that’s where the kids wanted to be. Gulf Shores has a little bigger waves then Florida beaches we have gone too. We brought boogie boards and that was one of the favorite pass times at the beach. We spent all the sunny days building sand castles, playing catch, body surfing, shell and crab hunting, swimming, sunbathing, flying kites, reading, napping, playing bocce ball, all the fun beach things you can think of. If the sun got to be to much the kids would walk into the pool at the hotel and swim in fresh water for a bit then come back to the beach. Lauren and Leah and I decided to walk to the pier that was ‘just down the beach’ one of the days. It was a much longer walk then we thought. Uncle Ross ran it the next day with his watch to tell how far it was and it was a 2 1/4 miles to the pier. We did a 4 1/2 mile walk in the sand that we thought was maybe a mile. We were all a little sore and chaffed the next day.

I think it was Tuesday we took a break from the sun and went to explore one of the Forts nearby. Ross and Ryan went golfing after that and Lauren and I took the kids on a Ferry to Dauphin Island. We ate lunch and went to the aquarium on the Island then road the Ferry back home.

In the evenings we played games and watched movies. Sometimes the kids went down to the beach after dark to see if they could find crabs. Wednesday was back to the beach but the nice weather only lasted until about noon. Then it started to rain. We ended up going mini golfing and stopping by an ice cream shop. Thursday was a rainy day. We went to the souvenir shop and hung out at the condo. My kids ended up pooling their money and getting hermit crabs for their souvenirs. Matthew agreed to supply most of the funding on the condition he got to keep them in his room but the girls could take care of them. We added Jeffrey, Georgia, and Crab Cakes to our family. Once we got home we did a little research on how to take care of them. We turned our old aquarium into a new house for them with sand and a pool and a little forest and hut for them. They seem to love it. At least more then the plastic cage with a few rocks in it they were living in when we got them. We also discovered in our research that crabs can live up to thirty years in the wild. We told the kids that they could plan on taking them with them when they got married.

Friday was time to head back home. We swapped around a lot on the way home. The weather was rainy most of the time and we drove it in one stretch. It was a little before one in the morning when we got home. Ryan and I decided we are to old to drive at night anymore. Neither one of us can see very well and we like to sleep instead of stay awake. We were chugging soda, eating snacks and pinching each other to stay awake. The last hour and a half was pretty painful. We really debated stopping and getting a hotel an hour away from home. We made it though. It was nice to have the rest of the weekend before jumping back into school and work.

It was an awesome vacation. The kids were all feeling a little cabin fever and liked getting out of the house and going somewhere. I am glad we got to make some memories and have a good week together.

Reaching Out

When Kenny found the link to the Turnbull’s he woke up his wife and showed her the obituary and contacted Ryan. As the three of them were talking Sherri noticed another name in the same obituary that she recognized, Bill Bertelson. She remembered knowing someone by that name from a family that she knew when she lived in South Dakota with my parents. She remembers thinking it wasn’t a very common name but it was probably a coincidence.

Once they had Vanitta’s name they started trying to find more information about her. They assumed she was likely Ryan’s mom but they didn’t know for sure. One of the ways they looked her up was on Facebook. Since they weren’t friends with her, only her public pictures were available to see. They looked through several available pictures and tried to glean any information they could. As they were looking through the pictures, Sherri saw a picture of Vanitta with her brother Bill Bertelson. She pointed it out to Ryan and they were both shocked. Ryan and her both recognized the Bill in the picture with Vanitta. It was the same Bill they had met together nineteen years earlier.

Christmas 2002. Ryan and Janae were married in May 2002. At the time her parents and other three siblings lived in Rock Springs, Wyoming. Later that year her dad was transferred with his job and the family planned to move to Sioux Falls, South Dakota. With the timing of the move they arrived in South Dakota the week of Christmas. They couldn’t move into the house until shortly after the New Year so they planned to stay in a hotel until then. Ryan and Janae decided to come up and join them and they had a hotel Christmas in Sioux Falls South Dakota their first Christmas together with Janae’s family. A day or so before Christmas was Sunday and the family attended the new church they would be going to and met some new friends. One of the families that introduced themselves to Janae’s parents was the Bertelson family. Bill and his wife Barbara. When they heard they were staying in a hotel over Christmas they invited us to join their family for a Christmas breakfast. They were a very kind and thoughtful family. My parents got to know them well and became good friends. Whenever Ryan and Janae went up to visit her family they would always come and say hi at church and ask how they were doing.

Along with discovering Vanitta and her brother Bill, the three of them were able to figure out that Vanitta was about 85 years old which would have made her in her mid forties when Ryan was born. They also pieced together that she had several children that would be older than Ryan and one that would be younger. At this point their best guess was Ryan was most likely conceived from an affair or maybe rape then given up for adoption. After talking and speculating and living on a wave of excitment from finding a strong lead, the three of them decided to call it a night and pick up the search in the morning. A few short hours later Janae woke up at 7am on Friday morning not knowing any of the exciting news from the night before. When Ryan filled her in on everything they had discovered she told him he would never live down not waking her up when he found out. Then they called Kenny and Sherri and picked up were they left off the night before and started making a plan to figure out who to contact. Through Facebook stalking they were able to figure out a few more of Vanitta’s family members. Kenny, Sherri and Janae were pushing for Ryan to call or email Bill. They thought that would be the easiest link. He probably wouldn’t remember Ryan but he would know Janae’s parents. Ryan didn’t want to contact Vanitta directly, but instead of Bill he kept coming back to a guy named Perry Turnbull that we thought was Vanitta’s son. Ryan said he felt like that was the right person to contact, he looked like a good guy and maybe even a Bishop in our church. Within 5 minutes Kenny has Perry’s email and phone number and found out he actually was a Branch President of a Young Single Adult Ward. Ryan decided that is who he would contact. At 9am he sent a Facebook Message and an email to Perry with the following message:

Perry, I don’t believe we’ve ever met, my name is Ryan Terry. This is probably going to sound strange so I’ll jump right into it. I was born in 1979 and was adopted via LDS family services, but I think we might be related! A few months ago I got a 23andme DNA test, mostly to check for health concerns as I have no family history, but also out of curiosity of my biological lineage. Literally the only piece of information I have about my biological parents is on adoptive court papers that had my surname of Turnbull before legally changing my name to Ryan Terry when I was a few months old. In 23andme I have only a few 2nd and 3rd cousins, and did not see any Turnbull surnames. Until last night. I was looking at the Keele family line, which DNA says I have relations to, and found through Ancestry.com and Family Search where the Turnbull name actually popped up – with Vanitta. Through some light Facebook investigation, it looks like that is your mother or you are related to her in some way.

Anyway, maybe this is super weird, but I think we may be closely related and I thought you could maybe help me connect some dots. I considered reaching out directly to Vanitta, but figured she may not be super Facebook savvy and not even know I sent a message. Or maybe it would be a shock to her if I directly contacted her. So since you seem to be active on Facebook and connected to her I wondered if you could help me. I sent you a message in Facebook Messenger too but I often forget to check those messages, so thought I’d send you an email.

Putting myself in your shoes, I can see this might be really weird and out of the blue. But now my curiosity is peeked! I would love to connect some dots and perhaps express gratitude to my biological mother for following what I believe to be a divine plan. I have always felt like I was meant to be with my adoptive parents and am happy for eternal families.

Sorry for the long, random, rambling message! Would love to chat with you if you get the message and would like to talk.

Ryan

Ryan had sent several emails to other possible relatives at this point but had never heard back from any of them. This time felt different but no one knew what to expect. At some point that morning while they were all looking at pictures and trying to piece connections together someone said that maybe Vanitta was not his mom but his grandma. That seemed to fit time lines a little better. They were able to find a picture of one of her daughters that they thought was a possibility but they just didn’t know and wouldn’t know unless Perry contacted Ryan back. All four of them tried to go about their day and impatiently waited to hear something back.

Ryan had several scheduled meetings that day at noon, two and four. He left shortly after sending the email and went to his first meeting at noon. At 12:15 his phone rang and caller ID said Perry Turnbull across the top of his phone. He new it probably wouldn’t be a short conversation and was already in his meeting with a client so he sent it to voicemail then tried but utterly failed to focus on the next 45 minutes of his meeting.

Perry left a message. At 1pm Ryan walked out to his car to listen to the voicemail.

Transcription of Perry’s Message:

Hi Ryan, my name is Perry Turnbull and you sent me an email and a Facebook message today regarding your heritage and thanks so much for that message that was very thoughtfully written and sincere and um I believe Ryan, there is a very high likely hood that there is a direct connection between you and my sister and I would just love to talk to you about that and to fill you in with as much as I know and connect the dots as much as I am able. SO feel free to give me a call back at … and I will also respond to your email as well with some personal contact information and look for ward to chatting with you. Hope you have a great day and thanks for reaching out, take care. Bye.

Ryan was obviously emotional when he heard Perry’s message. He had just found out who is biological mother was! He had one hour until his next meeting but he new he couldn’t wait until the end of the day to call him back so he decided to call on his drive to his next meeting. He hit send and called Perry Turnbull back.