Today I took apart my dryer and fixed it. That’s right, you read that correctly. I took it apart, fixed it, and put it back together. I didn’t have any extra parts when I was done either. Booyah! High five for myself.
Author: Janae
September Happenings.
Wow! The last few weeks have flown by. School and activities and other things are in full swing now. There is always something going on.
We finished the last weekend in August off by going to The Great Wolf Lodge for Aaron’s birthday. We had a great time! We tried all the slides, all the pools, and tried almost every kind of ice cream by the time we were done. Matthew was done around 3 after a full day of swimming. We had to drag the girls away at 4 to get back in time for baseball practice. Six hours of swimming wasn’t enough.
Allison and Matthew seem to have adjusted to school and handle their schedules pretty well. Emilee is still struggling a little bit. She seems to have a little bit of separation anxiety. She was nervous but doing okay, until last Friday I left her crying on the curb at school and thought she was going to follow me home. A teacher helped her make it to class but her teacher said it was a rough start to the day. Monday I walked her into class. The rest of this week I told her if she was a brave girl and got out of the car everyday this week and walked in like a big girl, I would come eat lunch with her on Friday. That worked pretty good. I think that will be our deal for the next couple weeks. Once she gets there and going she does great and has a good day. It is just hard to wake up and go in the mornings. We invited a friend Laney over today that she met in class. They are pretty good buddies and she lives just around the corner so that will be nice to have a friend close by.
Emilee went to a birthday party last week and was so excited to tell me that she got to fight Darth Vader with a purple sword when she got home. I love it when kids get so excited over fun simple things like that.
Last week was really rainy so football and baseball were canceled and moved to this week. That makes this week extra busy, but Matthew had his first football game last night. His coach has been talking with him about needing to be more aggressive and commit to his tackles more. He has been struggling with that and getting pretty frustrated. Last night at his game he was not going to play to much because his coach wanted him to get a little better at tackling first. Another player broke his arm at school so Matthew took his place. He is still a little timid but he did better than he has ever done at tackling. He took a couple people down and evaded a couple tackles. He was pretty proud of himself, so were we and so was his coach. His coach told him he figured out Matthew was a little surprise he wasn’t expecting.
I was going through some papers the other day and I found this little note that Matthew wrote for his dad. Every year on Matthew’s birthday they have a race because Matthew thinks he is faster than Ryan and Ryan has to prove he isn’t. Matthew wrote this for Ryan to intimidate him before their next race. Hahaha!
My birthday was nice. Ryan gave me an Apple Watch, it is pretty handy. He said I have no excuse for not answering or texting him back quickly now. I spent the day reading and relaxing and watching chick flicks. I went to lunch with some friends and we went to dinner as a family. The kids cleaned my car really well for my present. It was at my request and it is still a work in progress but they said they would get it done by this weekend. I watched a movie called, ‘All About Steve’ as part of my relaxing. It has Sandra Bullock in it, who I really like. The reviews were not good but I decided to watch it anyway and it was hilarious. It was supposed to be more ridiculous humor, and it must have been right up my alley because I was laughing a lot. It was a nice day. I did notice that most people asked me how young I was, instead of how old I am. I’ll take that as a sign that I am starting to head more towards the ‘older’ category instead of the ‘younger’ category.
I started the next phase of repainting my house. I picked the colors when we bought it and I still like them but the builders painted with flat paint. So I have been gradually repainting everything with a better paint when the wall gets so dirty that I can’t stand it anymore. I really hate painting, but I love a freshly painted wall. Especially one that I can wash when it get dirty. I also put most of my Fall decorations up. Not my Halloween yet, just Fall. I love Fall. I love being able to sit out on the porch and relax and enjoy the weather. I love that the Holidays are getting ready to start too.
Allison is really liking gymnastics. I switched where she was taking classes because she had stalled in her progression for a while. She wasn’t happy about it but I told her she had to give it a few months and she would notice lots of improvement. She has been there for about a month now, she is not complaining when I pick her up any more and she has gotten better in several areas. She is excited about it again and work on it at home a lot more. She is often doing sit-ups or arm exercises to help herself get stronger.
Genetics are strong.
Many years ago my two sisters came upon some stink bombs that they were very excited to put to good use. I was not living at home anymore but they filled me in later. I can’t remember what they did with all of them but I know one ended up in the 18 hole at a mini putt putt golf course and could be smelled from the parking lot, where they observed from afar and laughed their heads off. Another one ended up in my brothers room and I have been told many times since that was probably the maddest they had ever seen him. They still laughed their heads off, just at a safe distance.
Fast forward a decade or so and…
Allison wanted to do a little shopping with some of her money that she had recently acquired. It usually starts burning a hole in her pocket the second she gets it so she wanted to go to 5 Below and see what treasures she could find (5 Below is a step or two above a dollar store, but everything is $5 or less) She meandered around and eventually found the prank aisle and thought she had enough money to get a whoopee cushion, fake little pieces of poop, and a small aerosol can of ‘fart smell’. (Insert emoji slapping its forehead) Luckily, she did not have enough to get all of those things, but despite my efforts to find something not in the poop category to spend her money on she put back the whoopee cushion and took the other two up to the front to pay.
When she checked out she actually only had enough money for one. I again told her we could go find something else but she agonized for what I am sure the people behind us in line felt like was forever over her decision until finally deciding to just buy the stinky spray (insert emoji with fallen disappointed face) After making her purchase she then skipped out to the car pleased as punch with herself.
On the way home she decided to test it. I should have seen this coming but didn’t think through needing possible rules for the stinky spray before we even got home. She sprayed it in the car and immediately started complaining that it didn’t even stink and she was going to email the company and tell them ‘their fart spray stinks because it doesn’t stink.’ Mean while, I am driving the van and was unfortunately sitting in a location in front of the direction she sprayed the stuff. It did stink! It was foul and disgusting and unlike a ‘real fart’ it didn’t dissipate after a few seconds (actually got stronger), or by rolling the windows down. It was disgusting and of course Allison thought it was hilarious. I immediately laid down some ‘stinky spray rules’ (never saw that coming before I became a mom) and told her no more spraying it in the car or other enclosed spaces.
Allison is the worlds best negotiator though and she baked up some story to spray a little in Matthew’s room as a joke on him because he pulls little pranks on her all the time. I could tell this was the entire grand plan behind getting the stuff in the first place so I told her she could do it one time. Matthew does pull lots of pranks on her.
Allison decided to sneak in his room when he went down for breakfast on Sunday morning before church. She sprayed some stench in his room them came down to eat. Matthew went upstairs to shower. Alli was bouncing with excitement waiting to hear his yell, or gagging sound or something. Nothing. He showered and got dressed then came out. I figured he tried the ‘just ignore it’ tactic to make Allison mad. I forgot about it and finished getting ready in my room. Allison was not ready to just move on though. She went in his room and sprayed some more. She made up some excuse to have Matthew come upstairs to his room, which he did…nothing. Didn’t react in anyway. He went back downstairs. Allison was not to be deterred though. She sprayed more, a lot more. So much more that it came out of Matthew’s room and down the hall and Ryan started to smell it from his closet. (Side note, Ryan was not happy I ‘let’ her buy the stink spray. He said it was a ‘bad choice’ and he ‘wished I wouldn’t have let her do that’ (insert emoji rolling eyes)) He came out to see what was going on and was ‘assaulted’ by the horrible smell now filling the hall and floating down the stairs. I don’t know what reaction she wanted from Matthew but she got one from Ryan. All previous stinky spray rules were erased and a new one was put in place.
NO stinky smell sprays are allowed to be used, stored, or even brought into the house or they will be thrown away and destroyed immediately with no compensation to the owner.
Apparently bad smells make Ryan pretty grumpy. That isn’t a big surprise, he is always telling the kids, ‘Don’t be the stinky kid.’ By this time everyone was getting annoyed and gagging at the smell, except for Matthew who was down stairs with his nose in a book oblivious to everything. While I was opening windows and getting some Febreeze I asked Matthew if his book was so good he couldn’t smell the stench overtaking the house. He said, “No, but my allergies are so bad that I can’t smell anything.” I told Allison why her prank didn’t work and she was pretty annoyed. HAHAHA!
So we finished getting ready for church and headed out the door. When we got to church Matthew came and sat between Ryan and I. I kept catching whiffs of the smell. I guess there was some that settled on his clothes when he was in his room and hadn’t had enough time to go away yet. Alli sprayed A LOT of it. I was making a game plan to get some smelly lotion or oils from someone to help cover the smell but by the time sacrament was over the luckily the smell was gone. By the time we got home the smell was gone from the house too. I did one more round of Febreeze in Matthew’s room so that he was safe from being the stinky kid after sleeping in his room all night. Allison’s remaining spray may or may not have been misplaced. All in all though I think she felt like it was a great purchase.
The DMV
Ugg! I had the pleasure of renewing my drivers license today. I say that with as much sarcasm as possible. It is such a cliche. I prefer to imagine I have stepped onto a Parks and Rec television set and am playing a part in a ridiculous comedy about the mind numbing process of getting your drivers license renewed. It is a little less depressing and more entertaining from that perspective.
After I got tired of reading my book, doing a cross word, catching up on emails, making a meal plan for the next two weeks, then staring into space being bored, I decided to make a helpful little blog post about successfully managing the DMV while I waited.
Helpful Tips for Going to the DMV.
- Do not just wander into a DMV all willy-nilly. It is important to pick a time that tends to have the most employees working and the smallest crowds. Here are guidelines to consider when planning when to go.
- Do not go at the very beginning of the month (large crowds of planners and go-getters, or everyone that procrastinated the last month).
- Do not go at the very end of the month (large crowds of procrastinators).
- Do not go to the DMV the first hour they are open due to large crowds of ‘stop on the way to workers’. Also, DMV’s tend to have a slow starting pace and many employees are finishing their coffee, finishing conversations, setting up their work area, hanging up coats, purses, umbrellas, or meandering around looking sullen before finally taking their seat and getting to work.
- Do not go at the end of the day due to large crowds of stop on the way homers. In preparation of the end of the work day the last hour of the day, lines are closed and no more people are allowed to join the ‘waiting que’. Also at this time, half the employees begin wrapping up their day to head home and close their windows bringing the ‘waiting que’ pace from slow to almost stand still.
- Do not go over your lunch hour. If you think you can be in and out of the DMV in an hour you are sadly mistaken. Not only will you find a long line from all the other people who thought the same thing, you will also have lunches of the employees being rotated through. I am not exactly sure but I would guess that a third to half the employees are gone between the hours of 11-1. This again reduces the line to a snails pace.
- Do not go on Monday. They are not open. I assume this has something to do with employee retention, like an employee perk, since most normal businesses are open M-F, the DMV is T-F.
- Wednesdays are risky. People who have the DMV on their to do list might think it is a good time to get it done-mid week. Also, everyone that came on Monday thinking it would be open will most likely come on this day because they were to irritated to come back Tuesday.
- Fridays are also risky. People who are procrastinators will wait until this day and some employees might be ‘mentally checked out’, again, returning (or maintaining) the ‘waiting que’ to a snails pace.
- Drivers license and car tag renewals are NOT AT THE SAME LOCATION. I’m sure there is some logical reason for this like…I can’t think of any but I have been at both locations and heard several poor souls come in frustrated and on the verge of tears say they just waited in line for two hours to find out they were in the wrong place.
- If you have children, do whatever you can at all costs to find someone to watch them for you. At. All. Costs.
So to sum up, the best times to try and keep your trip to the DMV as short as possible is to arrive on Tuesday or Thursday between 8:30-9 and 1:30-2 by yourself with no kids, and nowhere to be anytime soon. No guarantees though.
2. Gather proper documentation. Most likely you will get a nice little reminder in the mail telling you it is time for renewal, or whatever reason you might need to go to the DMV. It might even have a helpful list of items to bring with you. Be wary though, somewhere the writer of this little reminder is getting a good chuckle at how unhelpful and misleading this reminder is.
- Whatever is listed on the reminder is NOT a complete list. I repeat. Whatever is on the list is NOT a complete list.
- Try and save yourself time by just bringing everything. Chances are they will ‘absolutely require’ something you didn’t bring and ‘absolutely no exceptions’ can be made, so bring it all. DMV employees are very precise rule followers-like librarians.
- These are some things to bring to help cover your bases but by no means should be considered a complete list. Current drivers license, social security card, birth certificate, utility bill with your name on it, marriage license (or divorce decree if applicable), passport, second utility bill in case the first one doesn’t qualify for some reason, and the little reminder card they sent you in the mail explaining to them why you are there (apparently looking at the expiration date on your current Driver’s License is not the preferred reason for coming to the DMV. They like you to have an ‘invitation’), and cash. Trust me, just pay cash, no cards, no checks.
3. Go to the DMV. Congratulations! You have picked a day and time, gathered your paperwork and are now ready to go to the DMV. Here are some arrival tips.
- Often there is a digital line you can get in before you even get there. That is a great start, if it is working that day. It is a high probability that the system will be down but you won’t know that until you get there and find out you haven’t been in line like you thought. No matter how prepared you think you are, clear your day and have no deadlines, appointments, kids to pick up, or any other commitments or plans for the day. Plan on being there for two to three hours minimum. Bring entertainment for you and anyone else with you for at least 4-6 hours. You will get bored of things that normally entertain you for hours quickly because you feel like you are in a time warp and time has slowed down 10 times its normal pace. You can bring food, but eat it quietly and quickly or you will have to explain to the security guard how you missed the thirty ‘No Food Allowed’ signs posted every three feet, even though you have been watching him eat his ‘lunch’ for the past hour. Other than the ‘No Food’ signs the only other posters you will see are are the ‘Become a Tissue Donor’ posters. This allows you to contemplate giving away your body parts in case of your death while you are there becoming depressed from the lack of color, noise and positive human interaction.
- When you arrive, find the ‘pre-line’. This is the line where someone is making sure you have all the necessary paperwork before you are aloud to actually get in the real line. Wait in this line for a long long long time. Try not to loose it when some schmuck comes in and thinks he can just jump in real quick and skip the line to ask one little question. Smile calmly at the person in front of you when the pre-line person leaves their position to track down the answer to the schmucks obscure question that he didn’t know, and returns ten minutes later.
- ***Special note*** To avoid the wrath of fellow DMV visitors, unless your question is “Where is the pre-line?” Get in line to ask your question.
- When you finally get to the front of the line don’t be discouraged when you are told that you do not have everything you need and will have to leave and go get something that you didn’t know you were supposed to bring then come back and get in the pre-line again. No matter what you read or where you read it, or even if you can produce the paper or website page where you found your ‘what to bring’ list, you will be told it is ‘out of date and no longer accurate’. See special note for correct exit plan.
- ***Special note*** I don’t know if it is in their training, or if it is a DMV employee personality trait or just random dumb luck but 99% of DMV employees will only offer information that is specifically asked for, nothing more, nothing less. For example when you are told you don’t have enough redundant paperwork, if you ask the pre-line employee if your social security card will work as identification confirmation and are told ‘Yes’ and then stops speaking and just looks at you, do not assume that means you don’t need anything else. Make sure to follow up with a question such as, “when I go home and get my social security card, what else might I need to get?” Continue asking this question until you are told that is everything. Repeat the entire list of documents back to the employee for verification, twice. Hopefully this will prevent you from being sent home several times.
- Go home and get what you ‘forgot’. Return to the DMV.
Hopefully on the second try you can make it past the pre-line and get to the actual line. This will depend on how well you were able to use follow up questions to make sure you really have everything. If you are successful you will get a number and get to sit in line instead of stand in line. If not repeat the above steps and try again.
4. Wait in the real line. You will get a number for your place in line. This allows you to sit instead of stand for the remainder of your time in line. Look around and find a spot that looks like a comfy place to spend the next several hours. Despite all previously mentioned ‘No Food Allowed’ signs most of the chairs will have an unknown sticky or gooey substance on it. Hopefully you have wet wipes in your purse, or you can use the handy little reminder sent to you in the mail as a barrier between you and the goo.
- Once you find your seat you might look around and see some things that get your hopes up that you won’t be there very long. You are wrong but feel free to hope. The number of desks can be deceiving, just because there are 24 employee desks does not mean they are all open. In fact based on my experience rarely if ever are more than a third of the desks open at a time. Even if you get a good estimate of how many people are actually working at the desks, it is not a guarantee that they stay working. Another deception is you will notice the cubicles are lowered for the employee and there is a raised counter for visitors. This also prevents you from seeing if someone is actually sitting at the desk and allows them to sneak away for their 15 minute hourly break. Another false indicator of your length of stay can be the people around you. If there is a digital line, every person ahead of you in the digital line will show up at the last possible second and get in front of you, people will come out of the wood work. This is the case even if the line was ‘not working’ when you tried to get in the digital line, so they just added you at the end. The point is, you will still be there for hours.
- Another false indicator is your ticket number itself. Lets say your number is R751. Shortly after you sit down they call R746. Naturally you would think that means there are five people ahead of you. You would be wrong though. The next five numbers called have a different letter like O314, T633, N548 and so on. It is several more numbers before R747 is called. Again, you might try and estimate your time left but once again you are wrong. After an hour of waiting and trying to figure out the line/number system with no success R750 is called. A few numbers later R732 makes the cut. This is the digital line jumping all over your hope of getting out of there anytime soon. Until you give up hope and succumb to spending the rest of your day at the DMV, your number will never get called. I hope you took the advice to not bring your kids. If you didn’t-good luck to you. If you did, don’t sit by the person that didn’t because it’s going to get ugly.
5. Finally! After waiting forever and having all your senses dulled by the lack of sound, color, and normal human interaction with the outside world your number is called! You have made it to the beginning of the line. You pick up your stuff and head to the desk that called your number. These next tips are critical, you are not in the clear yet.
- DMV employees can be very finicky and should be considered a flight risk at all times. They have a very strict set of ever changing rules that they will follow as if being allowed to take their next breath depends on it. Remember that they have been working in this colorless, soundless, dull room for an unknown amount of time and approach with caution. As you are walking up take in the surroundings and the demeanor of the employee as best you can. If there is the same colorlessness and lack of personality in their 5×5 space, be succinct and to the point when speaking, no small talk, have your papers ready to go and give confident but not to confident answers to questions. If there are some personal touches and a little color or flare to their cubicle (like a joke on the wall, or a colorful name tag) you can smile and appear relaxed and attempt small talk if you want.
- Never ask a question not related to what you are there for. This can irritate the employee and make the process slow way down because they have to ‘go check something’ and take a 15 minute break. Or it will send them off to find the answer because like I said, the rules are ever changing and the people on both sides of them gave a different answer to the same question. Or they will start flooding you with references to certain documents and forms and statutes and you won’t know what they are talking about anyway.
- If you are having your picture taken, when they tell you to smile be ready to hold that smile for 30 seconds straight without looking like an idiot or your picture will be horrible, and there are NO retakes. If you ask if the picture turned out the employee will always answer yes without even looking.
- When the 95 year old grandpa next to you fails the vision test seven times before finally ‘passing’ and gets his license, don’t say anything. When the person on the other side of you doesn’t speak English and the employee clearly doesn’t speak whatever language they are speaking and hands him a new drivers license anyway, don’t say anything. When the employee asks if you want a ‘Real ID’ or a ‘plain drivers license’ do not look at them like they are an idiot and say ‘Well I don’t want a fake one.’ (you do want a Real ID BTW-whoever decided to rename it from a Driver’s License to a Real ID is one funny person) AND if you are helped by an employee named Dawn and she asks if you are registered at your current address to vote, do not pause to think or you will be given a speech about taking your US Citizenship rights seriously. If you do any of those things, you will immediately be jinxed and your ‘Real ID’ will get lost in the mail and you will have to come do this whole process over again.
There are many more tips to go with the actual interaction with the employee but I’ll let you wing it and have a little fun figuring it out on your own. When you are finally done as you turn to leave you will see a stack of paper that looks like it has been stepped on, crumpled and uncrumpled 20 times, soaked in the toilet and air dried then left on the counter for 10 years collecting dust next to the exit door. On closer look you will see that it says, ‘Please rate your experience at the DMV today Survey’ at the top. There is no pen or pencil or collection box but if you want, you can take one of those papers, fill it out and wait in the pre-line to give it back.
Then vs now-Kindergarten
I think for a post every now and then I am going to pick an event that everyone (or most) of our family has done and compare them or write what we remember about those times. The first one I am going to do it kindergarten.
I’ll go first. I think these memories I have are from kindergarten…but they could be mixed with other memories and I don’t realize it. That’s the product of age plus memories I guess. Like the time when I was telling my mom about our trip to Nauvoo when I was younger and she told me I had never been to Nauvoo. I told her all about the trip and she showed me a picture book with pictures of the events that I had described. Apparently at some point I looked through the pictures and it became a memory of something I did instead of pictures I had seen. Anyway, I digress. Back to kindergarten.
I lived in Loa Utah, in a white house that I believe was on the corner of the street that was a straight shot down to the school. It would have been 1987. I want to say my teachers name was Mrs. Taft but I would have to look that up in a picture book to be sure and I am to lazy to do that right now. I remember learning our letters and she had a little blow up alphabet character for each letter and we could take turns bringing them home sometimes. I remember swinging on the swings and being ‘married’ to someone if we were swinging exactly together. I think we had a nap time. We did have snack time and it was chocolate or regular milk with something to eat. You were not allowed to blow bubbles in your milk or they would take your milk away. I remember blowing bubbles one day without really being aware of it and they took my milk away. I wondered how they even knew I was doing it. I remember wondering how adults knew a lot of things growing up. It makes me chuckle now when I can tell my kids are thinking the same thing. It is usually pretty obvious but in a kids mind you think you are being so sly. I remember our neighbor Clayton that was my age. He had a rabbit and I remember him explaining how to tell if it was a boy or girl and I had no idea what he was talking about because all I could see was fur. I remember telling my mom that I was sick one day when I wasn’t and I thought I was pretty slick because she let me stay home and lay on the couch. I was highly disappointed when everyone got home from school and I felt better and felt good enough to go play with everyone. my mom said I should probably stay on the couch for the rest of the day to make sure I didn’t get sick again. The only other thing I remember about kindergarten in that my dog followed me to school one day and was barking at people. I was worried they were going to take him to the pound but my mom came and got him and took him home.
Ryan lived in Manhattan Kansas. He would have started kindergarten in 1984. He remembers racing out to the jungle gym for recess because everyone tried to race and get the spot on top. His teachers name was Ms Crane. His mom took him to school and he doesn’t really remember anything about in the class and learning. He remembers recesses and looking forward to them. He met his friend Jake Sumners in kindergarten and they are still friends to this day. The only other thing he remembers is how to get to his class room when he got to school.
Matthew went to Scarborough Elementary in Olathe Kansas and had afternoon kindergarten with Mrs Herl in 2012. He says some of his memories are also PE and recess related. He learned how to play color tag and found out that he was a pretty fast runner. His favorite things to do were PE with Mr Simpson. Toilet tag was another favorite that he taught them to play. It is basically freeze tag but when you get tagged you have to put one knee on the ground and hold your hand out. If someone runs by you and ‘flushes’ your hand you can unfreeze and start running again. The first fire drill scared him because he didn’t understand what a drill was. He remembers cutting his knee open when he slid on the rocks at recess and thought he was so tough because he didn’t even know it and it didn’t hurt. There were only 11 kids in his class and of those 11 only 3 were boys. They had two recesses. They had a Halloween costume parade and he was Optimus Prime. When they had career day and were supposed to dress up as what they wanted to be when they grew up he dressed up as a zoo keeper. One of his favorite things when he was in kindergarten was animals. He loved to watch the Nat Geo Wild Channel and his favorite TV show was Wild Kratz. All the parents sent in a couple boxes of something for snacks and if anyone was allergic to any foods they had to bring their own snack.
Allison went to half day morning kindergarten with Ms Ryder in 2015 at Prairie Creek Elementary. For her first Halloween at school she was a Spanish dancer, mostly because she liked the dress, not because she liked dancing. They had one 15 minute recess. I have asked several times what other things she liked about kindergarten and she has repeatedly told me nothing…so this is a short paragraph.
Emilee started full day kindergarten in 2018 with Mrs Pahl also at Prairie Creek. Half day kindergarten is no longer an option. I had to sign a waiver saying any snacks I send to school for Emilee will only be eaten by her and not contain any nuts or be made in a place that has nuts. She has a morning and afternoon recess for 15 minutes each. She is making friends and enjoys it once she gets there but is still a little nervous about going in the morning.
First child vs last child. Pregnancy.
Sometimes I laugh with my friends about how parenting changes from kid to kid. I’m not talking about the differences caused by each kid because they are a different kid. I’m talking about the things that you wouldn’t see a reason for doing different from kid to kid but there seems to be a pretty steady pattern anyway, I will leave it for the reader to figure that pattern out. The reasons for the pattern as you read on are numerous and debatable. Some of the more ‘popular’ or ‘obvious’ I have come up with are; experience, inexperience, perseverance, attrition, hind sight, fortitude, wisdom, time, sanity, lack of sanity, and the amount of sleep to required effort ratio. In no way do the patterns imply or mean that one kid was loved more or less. I love all my kids and they were all cared for and loved and the day I finally got to meet them and bring them home were some of the happiest days of my life. Mostly this is just for my kids to laugh at and compare the ‘unfair’ and ‘unjust’ discrepancies in their childhoods.
Pregnancy.
- Matthew- I bought ‘What to Expect When You’re Expecting’ and read one chapter ahead each week so I would know ‘what to expect’ then read the chapter several times during the week to make sure I remember and new it all.
- Allison- got the book out in case I wanted to reference it, but ended up using it as a coaster on my nightstand instead.
- Emilee- donated the book before I was even pregnant with her because I needed the space for Harry Potter on my shelf.
Birthing Class.
- Matthew- I researched different options, got opinions from others, call or email several different instructors for their credentials. Reserved my spot for a one hour six week class months in advance in case it filled up.
- Allison- laugh that I went to one the first go around.
- Emilee- Are they still doing that?
Birth plan.
- Matthew- The above mentioned class tells me to make a written birth plan to give to my doctor so we are all on the same page when it is time to deliver on ‘how I want the birth to go’. I ask my doctor when she wants me to get that to her and she says- she doesn’t. I’m relieved because it sounds like homework and I didn’t want to do it anyway. My plan is to go to the hospital and let them take it from there.
- Allison- Silently judge people (mostly silently) that actually do this…plan all you want the baby is coming how and when they want. Go to the hospital and let them take it from there.
- Emilee- Get this baby out of me as fast and painless as possible.
Pain Management.
- Matthew- Learn everything about getting an epideral and possible side effects for me and the baby. Want an epideral but feel a little guilty that I’m not ‘tough’ enough or ‘am willing to risk’ a fore mentioned risks involved. Decide I am a fan of modern medicine and have nothing to prove or be a hero about and get an epideral.
- Allison- Request an epideral immediately after checking into the hospital.
- Emilee- tell the front desk to get the epideral on the way before I am even checked into the hospital.
Packing bag.
- Matthew- Bring way to much crap to prepare for any possible scenario to the hospital including living there for 6 months and twelve different options for a first outfit picture.
- Allison-Have one small bag packed and ready, Ryan can get anything I don’t have.
- Emilee- if the hospital doesn’t have it I’ll go without for 36 hours.
Going to the hospital.
- Matthew- Call the doctor, nurse, and hospital tell them everything that is going on and refer to book every five minutes until deciding it is really time to go to the hospital.
- Allison- Schedule and induction date leave Matthew with grandma and check in and out of the hospital on schedule.
- Emilee- Get a haircut and a pedicure when I start having regular contractions two weeks early so my toes are cute while I’m in the hospital. Call Ross and Lauren last minute to drop the kids off on the way to the hospital because I was planning on having grandma watch the kids for another induction date in two weeks and had made no back up plan. Show up at the hospital without calling them or my doctor.
Husband during labor.
Matthew- Eat Chipotle in front of me while I am in labor, starving and only allowed ice chips. Have to go sit down with his head between his knees and breathe in a bag when I get an epideral.
Allison- Sneak me a bite of his Chipotle while I am in labor, starving and only allowed ice chips because he feels guilty for eating in front of me last time, I throw it up. Have to go sit down with his head between his knees and breathe in a bag when I get an epideral.
Emilee- Eat Chipotle in front of me while I am in labor, starving and only allowed ice chips, refuse to share with me when I ask because last time I threw up and ‘that was gross’. Have to go sit down with his head between his knees and breathe in a bag when I get an epideral.
Babies first night in hospital.
- Matthew- Refuse the offers to take him out of my room for any reason because the book said there are creepers standing outside my door waiting to swap my baby or sneak them past the hospitals security protocols and I am his mother and can take care of him myself without any help even though this is the first 5 minutes I have been responsible for another human beings complete safety and well being and I am exhausted. Ryan sleeps on the sofa so I am not alone and complains its the worst night sleep in his life.
- Allison- I agree to let them take her to the nursery so I can rest. Call and make the nurse come back immediately because in my exhausted state I didn’t feel I looked close enough at her credentials before she took Alli. Her credentials look legit so I let them take her and get a nap. It is glorious. Ryan settles in for the second worst nights sleep of his life on the hospital couch.
- Emilee- She doesn’t cry AT ALL in the hospital, she stays with us during the day but off to the nursery at night so I can sleep. I try to convince Ryan to follow them to the nursery, he says I am paranoid. Ryan tries to suggest he sleeps at home but I tell him to get comfy in case I need something.
First outing.
- Matthew- Pack EVERYTHING I might possibly need in case we never come home again in my diaper bag, back-up diaper bag, and the back-up back-up diaper bag. Arrive an hour late because I had to change him and me twice when he pooped on us, threw up on us, and then had to go back because I forgot the back-up diaper bag. Upon arrival, look down and realize instead of shoes I am wearing fuzzy neon blue slippers.
- Allison- Chuck the back-up diaper bags, decide to carry one bag to be my purse and diaper bag. Keep a pair of flip flops in my car for when I forget to change my slippers. Arrive only a few minutes late but look completely disheveled.
- Emilee- If you need me, you can find me at my house wearing my fuzzy blue slippers, until I feel like taking three kids somewhere. I get a cute really big purse keep wipes, diaper, and a plastic bag inside for outings. Emilee wears nothing but a diaper for the rest of church several times after she has a blow out.
Bottle/Nursing Starting Solids
- Matthew- Have a strict rotation schedule alternating bottle and nursing so he doesn’t get ‘nipple confusion’ start introducing solids at the earliest possible time. Spend hours coaxing him to eat, measuring what he eats, and introduce foods every two weeks.
- Allison- Try nursing for two weeks, then switch to pumping and bottle only because it is not working. Wait as long as possible to start solids, introduce a new food every 3-4 days.
- Emilee- She gets her tongue clipped in the hospital so she can nurse without killing me. Takes a bottle or nurses with no issue. Start solids as late as possible. Mostly fed by Allison because that entertains them both.
Toys for baby.
- Matthew- Pre-wash ALL toys before Matthew is allowed to play with them. If any other kid touches or plays with a toy it has to be washed again. Otherwise, all toys will be washed on a monthly basis. All toys have all parts, fresh batteries and are in perfect working order. Buy way to many toys that he doesn’t even care about.
- Allison- Throw out washing toys unless there is visible body fluids, its good for their immune system. Buy a few pink toys so she has ‘girl toys’ and take batteries our of any noise making toys. Giveaway half the toys because we have to many.
- Emilee- She can play with whatever is around the house as long as it isn’t toxic, sharp, or hot. If a toy hasn’t been touched for a month I’m giving it away because I’m tired of stepping on it. No batteries aloud.
Adjusting
The kids have been in school a little over a week now. Everyone is still adjusting and getting used to the new schedules.
Emilee. It is a big change for her to go to all day kindergarten. The thing she keeps telling me the most is, “It is sooooooo looooong!” She is mentally and physically tired when she gets home. The first few days she came home and immediately laid on the couch and didn’t move for a show or two. Then she started coming home and having to play with her toys right away. I think it is her way of unwinding and processing her new environment. She has always been pretty good playing but it is a very pressing need for her when she comes home. She gets a little anxious at night when she is going to sleep on on the way to school in the morning about going but once she is there she does great. I ate lunch with her last week and she seems to be making friends and having a fun time. Several of her classmates said hi to her and waved when they walked past. She likes taking lunch and getting school lunch. She is growing up. I think I hold on to her a little more than I did the others because she is my last. She seems so young to me still but she is the same age Matthew was and a year older than Allison was when she started kindergarten.
Allison. She seems to have jumped into everything the easiest. This is her fourth year with the same group of kids so she is getting to know them pretty good. She has a young new teacher, which for some reason she has always wanted. Her best friend Carlee is at the new elementary school this year and I was a little worried about that. I asked her who she was playing with at recess and if she had made any friends. In true Alli fashion she told me she had enough friends and played with them at recess when she wanted to. She has been a little more tired than usual but otherwise seems to be doing great. I think this year will be a little more challenging for her which is good. She is smart and I don’t feel like she hasn’t been challenged as much as she could so far in her school. She is in a hurry to grow up so when she feels like she is getting more responsibility she usually does well with that. Having more homework will be more of a challenge for both of us though. She tends to take all evening doing it a little bit at a time which drives me crazy. I need to let her figure it out on her own but it is hard for me to step back sometimes, especially when there isn’t really a consequence at school for it. I think this year will be different.
Matthew. He started 6th grade which is middle school. He changes classes, has a locker, dresses out for PE, and rides the bus. He seemed to be doing fine, and reported that everything was fine, but after about the third day it was pretty evident that he was a little more stressed out then he was letting on. It takes him about 15 minutes to get ready for school in the morning. The bus picks him up in front of our house at 7:07. He was getting up at 6:15, I told him after the first day or two that he could probably sleep in 15 or 20 more minutes if he wanted and he lost it that he would miss the bus. We have been eating breakfast at 6:45 and reading scriptures and he starts panicking that he is going to miss the bus if we aren’t done by 6:55. He has had many meltdowns about…anything and everything. He finally said that he felt really unorganized and didn’t know how to keep track of everything. Once we got that figured out he seemed a little better. He is playing football and baseball on top of school, home, and youth night too. I have told him that we are never doing two sports again because it is to much. I think he will be fine with that though. Football is not as great as he thought it would be (thank goodness!!) he isn’t as aggressive as he needs to be for it. I think in another week or two he will be settled in and have the hang of everything.
Aaron
It has been 10 years since we had Aaron. That is a long time. There are so many vivid memories I have of when I was carrying him and when I had him and when we buried him. Little moments and pictures etched in my brain. Most of the time now the memories and the emotions that came with those memories are more…hazy so they aren’t as fresh or close to the surface. Other times they are as real and raw as the day I had them. Some of them seem like random moments that I don’t know why I remember, others are more specific. It took us 6 months to a year to get pregnant with all of our kids, except Aaron. He took a month, if that. I remember telling my mom and having the realization sink in that I would soon have two kids running around when I told her. I took Matthew with me to one of my first appointments and he opened the bathroom door while I was trying to pee in a cup and was running all over while the doctor was checking me. It was a disaster. I found someone to watch him after that. I remember the look on my doctors face when she heard his heartbeat at my 16 weeks check up. She chased the ultrasound technician down in the parking lot on his was home from work to come and do an ultrasound right then. I was concerned but not thinking anything was really wrong that couldn’t be fixed. The next day they called me to come in and have a more detailed ultrasound done at the main office. It was last minute and I didn’t have someone to watch Matthew, I think Ryan must have stayed home with him so I could go. The technician was pretty rude, I remember thinking she had to squeeze me in and she was not happy about it. I was honestly expecting her to say everything looks great and kick me out the door and be done with the nagging worry I had in the back of my brain. I remember the pause when she measured his heart rate and took images of his heart. She had a quick intake of breath and her tone changed from curt to overly kind. She said she would get the findings to the doctor as quickly as she could so they could get back to me. I was walking down the hall after I left her room and she called after me and handed me some ultrasound pictures she had printed off for me to have. That is when the nagging worry in the back of my head changed to a sinking dread in the pit in my stomach. I went home and I remember telling Ryan and he gave me a hug in the kitchen and said it would be okay. We found out the next day it wasn’t. My doctor called and said that there was definitely somethings abnormal about his heart and I needed to go to the Perionatologist. There was only one in Wichita and my doctor said they would be able to get the information we needed but warned me that they were not the most compassionate doctor and staff. Ryan and I went to my appointment and as my doctor had told me they were awful. I honestly don’t put much effort into remembering specific things about that appointment. Everyone was callous and tactless and uncaring to a level that was surreal. They mentioned ‘he’ when they were talking to each other- not Ryan or I, so we found out our baby was a boy, which was exciting even though the way we found out was not how we expected. They told us there was some major problems with his heart, it was worse than anyone thought, and we could come back in a month to have them tell us their findings and answer our questions. Ryan was ready and started to cause whatever type of scene necessary to let them know that was unacceptable and we weren’t leaving until we had a full explanation of what they had found. I was in shock and couldn’t process or think straight so I just wanted to leave. My doctor called me the next day when she got their report and told us. I remember walking up our stairs to sit down on the couch when she called. That is when we found out Aaron’s heart had not formed right so it obviously couldn’t work right and our options to fix it for him were pretty slim. I remember telling people over the next few weeks and it was almost like I was telling someone else’s story. It took awhile for me to wrap my brain around it. I kept waiting for whatever was going to happen to be erased and someone to say ‘oops, we were wrong, everything is fine’. That never happened. It is hard to explain but all the emotions and stress and decisions and plans that had to be made were so intense that when I look back at it now it seems like more of a physical experience. At the time I felt like I was trying to go about life with a bowl of water around my head. Everything was blurry and muffled. Then occasionally things would clear up and I have a snap shot and a memory of that moment.
I remember deciding I wanted to pick his name out right away and I immediately knew what his name was. It wasn’t a name I had thought about before or anything, but I remember as soon as I had the thought I wanted to pick his name, Aaron, popped into my head. Ryan said he liked it and we should think about it, I didn’t think there was anything to think about. No other possibilities even came to my mind when I tried to think of them. We gave him my dads middle name and his full name is Aaron Michael Terry.
I remember my mom coming to see me and going on a walk with her. My sister came to see me and helped me feel like a normal person for a few days. I remember Ryan telling me he got a new job and we were going to move back to KC. The timing seemed ridiculously bad but actually wasn’t. Ryan went to KC during the week to work and I stayed in our house while we tried to sell it. He was staying with our friends the Guernsey’s and after about two weeks of this Liz called and told me it was silly for me to be down their alone and to come stay with them while our house sold and we were finding a new one. Living with them saved me. I didn’t have any close friends in Wichita. I felt like a project. I didn’t realize it at the time but Ryan told me later that I was pretty depressed and he knew we had to leave Wichita. Ryan got the job in KC and changed schools for the MBA he was half way through so I could be closer to people we knew and family could get to us easier.
When we got to Olathe the fog and haze lifted a little and I felt like life was more manageable. Instead of being by myself I had company during the day and had a true friendship that I hadn’t had for two years in Wichita. We went to a new Perionatologist in KC and it was about as far in the other direction as possible experience from the first doctor we saw. I think I was hoping that the original diagnosis was wrong somehow. The new doctor did more ultrasounds and went over everything with us as he did it. I felt like I had known him a long time, not just met him ten minutes ago. He was kind and compassionate while he delivered the worst news of our lives to us. Aaron was a one in a million baby with a combination of several different heart issues so there wasn’t a specific name for it. If anything could be done it would have to be a full heart transplant immediately after birth but the chances of him surviving birth were almost none. The chances of him making it full term were slim too. The bigger he got the less his heart would be able to keep up with what he needed.
At some point I realized that this was the time I was going to get with Aaron and I needed to do what I could with it. I read to him, sang to him, rocked with him, talked with him, cried, laughed and loved him the best I could. I was able to get to know him and feel his spirit while he came to earth just long enough to get his body. I know that he is my son and we agreed to this before I even came to earth.
Matthew is the only we had when we had Aaron, so he actually held him. He was just shy of two so he doesn’t remember it, but all of the kids talk about him like they know him and he is their brother even though they won’t meet him in this life. Remembering him is one of the things that brings peace to me. I want to remember him and I want our kids to remember him. When other people tell me they remember him it makes me feel grateful and happy.
So every year on his birthday we have a special family day to celebrate and remember him. We plan a day of activities together to enjoy being together and talk about what what it would be like if Aaron was with us and what he is doing in heaven. We visit his grave and put flowers on it for Fall.
First Day of School!
Summer ended and we have started a new school year!
Matthew is starting his first year of middle school in 6th grade. We went and walked his schedule and practiced opening his locker. The bus picks him up our front at 7:07 am. He wakes up at 6:15 and is ready by 6:30 then stresses that he is going to miss the bus if I don’t let him go out to the bus stop before 7. Then he gets home from school at 4:15. They added a last minute PE class as an option for an elective. He wanted to drop art and take the PE class instead but we talked him into sticking with art because he already has a PE class and he plays plenty of sports.He thought he would be the only boy in art class but was pleasantly surprised to find more boys than girls in art. He figured out how dressing out for PE works and seems to be settling in pretty good. The school gives everyone a computer that is theirs for the school year. He thinks its pretty cool to have his own computer.
Allison is in 3rd grade this year. They have new chairs that don’t look like chairs at all and spin, she thought that was great. Her teacher is very young and this might be her first year teaching but Allison seems to like her. She was ready to go to school and sits by a few people that she already knew. Her best friend Carlee is going to the new elementary school that was just built so I was a little worried she would struggle with finding some new friends but she has seemed to do great. She likes being the one in charge walking home since she is the oldest now. It has only been a few days but she has been doing a good job at being kind and watching out for Emilee. Her lunch is one of the earliest at 11 am, last year it was at noon and she was always starving to death so she was excited to have an earlier lunch this year. She wanted me to walk her to class and then leave. No need for staying around or dragging anything out.
Emilee started kindergarten! She was really excited when we got her a new backpack and shoes and picked out her new outfit for the first day. When we went back to school night and realized that I would not be going to school with her she back peddled a little and said she no longer wanted to go to school. She was pretty shy when we got there the first day and hid her face behind her hair, but has been doing great. She likes deciding if she should eat a school lunch or take her own. She is still adjusting to how long it is and when it is bedtime says she doesn’t want to go to school but is always up and ready in the morning. The girls wake up at 6:45 for breakfast, prayers, and scriptures. That was a big concern for Emilee, she is not an early riser but she seems to be doing ok with it so far.
I am adjusting to my new normal, with no kids home during the day. It is exciting and I look forward to having the day to get my stuff done and then be able to focus just on my kids when they get home. I had a little more of the panic, nervous, anxious feelings though then I expected. Sending all three of my kids off to school all day for someone else to take care of, influence them and make sure they are safe makes my anxiety go up.
Allison’s Baptism
Allison turned 8 on her last birthday so we had her baptism this past weekend. Both grandparents were able to come and Ross and Lauren’s family came, plus a few friends. It was a pretty good day. A year ago she was telling us she would never get baptized. Then a little before her birthday she decided it was something she did want to do. She helped me pick our her new scriptures for church and a carrying case for them. Her baptism was at 5 pm on Saturday so we spent the day at our house, visiting and playing with cousins and eating lunch together. She looked beautiful and did a great job. When her dad gave her the gift of the Holy Ghost he told her she was a valiant and tenacious spirit. I loved those words to describe her. Sometimes when we talk or teach Allison something about church she gets irritable and prickly and doesn’t want to listen or do it. She didn’t want to have a FHE on baptism, practice how to do the baptism, or invite anyone to her baptism. I think it is mostly the source of the information. One more thing that mom and dad are ‘talking at her about’. She doesn’t like to talk about how she feels or explain things that we read to me but I think that she feels the spirit and somethings are sinking in. It was really sweet after her confirmation she shook everyone’s hand or hugged them. When she got to her dad she hugged him and just held on for a little while. That is not very typical of Allison. After her baptism and confirmation she wanted to have donuts and root beer for refreshments. Grandma and Grandpa Jones gave her a picture of a path through a forest to remind her to stay on the right path. Grandma and Grandpa Terry gave her a necklace that was an 8 to remind her of her special day. Dad and I gave her scriptures and a little book to write down stuff about her day.
As a little side note, while Alli was getting changed after her baptism, her friend Michael Dunn asked his mom to look up her birthstone. She told him it was a ruby. He said, “Ok, I am going to give her a ruby with diamonds around it for her wedding ring.” They have been friends since they were born and their older siblings tease them that they are boyfriend and girlfriend, which bothers neither of them at all.
