Category: 2023

My moms dad was not feeling well and went to the doctors to figure out what was going on towards the end of November last year. It wasn’t good news. He had a very aggressive form of leukemia. They said he probably had 4-6 months left. They had a few options for treatment but the doctors said that none of them would prolong his life more than a few months. To make the treatments even harder my grandpa was starting to have some dementia and would often forget he had cancer and not want to cooperate with tests and other things he needed to do.

They decided to choose the treatment option that was by were they lived so he could stay at home. They did the first treatment right around Christmas and he seemed to respond really well. The doctors said they would keep giving him the treatments every four weeks until they weren’t effective anymore. He had a good Christmas and New Years. All of his kids and other friends and family came to see him. When he went in for the second treatment they checked the cancer and it was exponentially worse. His symptoms had been getting worse quickly as well as his dementia. They doctors said there wasn’t any point in doing more treatments. So they went home and got hospice set up at the house and kept him as comfortable as they could.

I talked with him on the phone a few times. He seemed to know me most of the time. He was more talkative if I talked about things 10-15 years ago that we did. So he would tell me about going out to check on the cows and tell me how the farm was doing. On January 31, 2023 he passed away.

I was able to go out for his funeral. Everyone was there except the rest of my family, and my brother John and his family. Most of them live there already or no more than three hours away. Sherri and her family and my parents and I had the farthest to travel. I stayed at my grandmas house with my parents and my aunt Peggy and her daughter Sam. My sweet grandma can probably count the number of nights she has been without my grandpa since they got married on one hand. She seemed pretty lost. She spent as much time as she could at the funeral home sitting with my grandpa’s body. My sister DeAnna and I were talking and we both said we remember grandma saying since we were tiny that if Grandpa died first she was just going to crawl in the casket with him and let them bury them both. Since he passed away she hasn’t been sleeping more than 1-3 hours a night. She told Sherri she doesn’t know how to think on her own without him. It will take a bit for her to get used to her new normal.

There is a lot of drama in my moms family. The Call’s are a strong willed, determined, opinionated, sometimes prideful bunch. The last 15 years or so has had a lot of family drama and divisions in it. There were a few people that were pretty worried about how things would go at the funeral. There was some stupid petty stuff that happened but for the most part it was ‘behind the scenes’ and other than unnecessary stress on my Grandma the preparations and funeral went pretty smoothly.

When the viewing started the night before the funeral my Grandma could barely keep herself composed and sometimes didn’t. Before it even officially started there was a line of people out the room down the hall and to the exit door of the church. It stayed like that until 30 minutes after it officially ended. I think it really helped my Grandma to realize how many people loved her and my Grandpa and came to share their grief with her. They lived in Grant Idaho for over 50 years. My grandpa was pretty active in the community and church so he was a part of a lot of peoples lives. I saw several people that I remembered or new from visiting there in the Summers when I was growing up. Other than one of my uncles showing up high as a kite on something with his obnoxious ‘friend’ it was uneventful. There were several people there with the potential to cause a scene so it was a relief to just have the one.

The next day at the funeral there was another long line waiting to talk with her that even with the funeral home people ending it so they could start the funeral on time went 20 minutes over. It was a nice funeral. My grandma kept her head down and couldn’t look at anyone but she said she liked what was said and thought it went well. I learned a lot of things that my grandpa did and participated in that I didn’t know. It was also fun to hear the things people shared that I remembered or new he loved or did. He tried to be a good example and leader for his family and community. He was a doer and a go getter. He had an amazing drive and work ethic.

At the gravesite after it was dedicated my Grandma requested that The Rose be played. It was one of my grandpa’s favorite songs. It was very sweet and touching. I think my Grandma would have sat there all day if they would let her. Eventually everyone left and my Grandma was taken back to the church for lunch. After the lunch everyone dispersed to their own homes. My sisters and I were at my Grandmas a bit before they left. She slept a lot in her chair which was good. She needed any sleep she could get. She doesn’t like to be alone but doesn’t want to move out of her home or have someone move in with her. She decided to go with my mom to Florida for awhile for a change of scenery and to think about what she wants to do going forward. I hope it is good for her and she can start to heal and rally a little while she is there.

After the viewing my cousin Jarom offered his office for all the cousins to get together and hangout for a while. I was back and forth on going but ended up going. I feel a little bit out of place in the family as to were I fit. I was the oldest grandchild by several years. When I had other cousins come along they were my siblings age so I didn’t really play with them. I babysat them sometimes but I didn’t have a cousin I hung out with. Since I was the only grandchild for a while I hung out with my aunts most of the time. The two youngest are 9 and 11 years older than me. So that is who I spent most of my time with but as everyone has gotten older I have been reminded by some of them that I am a grandchild not a sibling…in case I forgot I guess. So I ended up having that realization while I was at the cousin dinner and was able to verbalize to myself what I was feeling all weekend. It was still a good time and now that most of them are older and have families the gap is a little smaller and we have more in common now. My Great Grandpa had a pocket watch that he wanted passed down from Grandfather to the oldest Grandson that would be carrying on the Call name. My cousin Jarom had been holding the watch for his son Levi that will some day pass it onto his Grandson. They brought the watch and passed it around and let everyone see it. It still works, and has a elk etched on the back and the chain has the two (one has been lost) ivory elk teeth (I also learned that elk have two teeth that are ivory) from an elk my great grandpa shot.

I flew home the day after the funeral. I arrived just in time to see the fireworks go off from the Chiefs winning the Super Bowl. It was good to see my family and spend some time with my Grandma, I am glad to be home.

One of my cousins spouses put a book together for my Grandma with memories from the grandkids about Grandpa. Here is what I put in it;

Over the past few days I have seen some happy memories posted of Grandpa on Facebook. Several of them mentioned things that I have memories of too. Checking cows. Summer and Winter days at the cabin. Burnt cookies, and watching movies (The Man From Snowy River most of the time). I also remember the dairy barn, milking cows, checking baby calves, ‘short’ drives to the farm that turned into spending the whole day at the farm. Checking and changing water. Helping with potato harvest. Water skiing, family reunions, The Playmill, snowmobiling. Driving to the store and getting ‘lost’ in Yellowstone for hours on end. 

I learned to never get in a vehicle with Grandpa without a few snacks because it was never ‘just a quick’ drive. From the time I was a teenager one of the things he would often tell me on our drives was to always keep a quarter with me so I could always call him if I needed to. About the time I was going to college he was telling me again and I told him I hadn’t seen a pay phone for years. He just looked at me and said, “Well, figure it out.” I laughed and told him I will always think of him when I see a quarter, and I do.

One of the earliest memories I have of Grandpa Brent is ‘hide the beanies.’ I am not going to explain more. If you know you know. (To further explain this. When I was little 3 maybe 4 I was often taking a bath before bed about the time that Grandpa would come home from working) If he heard us splashing around in the tub he would make a big deal about covering his eyes as he walked by to his bedroom so he didn’t have to see any naked beanies in the bathtub. He would say, “I’m walking by hide all the beanies. I don’t want to see any beanies!!” It always made my sisters and I giggle.)

I have pictures opening up Christmas presents at Grandpa’s house when I am way to young to remember. We lived close for a short time when I was young and then it was anywhere from 4-20 hour car rides to come visit depending on where we lived. When we would arrive Grandma would come running from the garden or wherever she was at to give us all hugs. If it wasn’t dark Grandpa would still be working out at the farm and we would see him when he got home. He loved to give me a hug in his dirty coveralls. Sometimes I would help him take his boots off. I still remember the smell of dirt and grease on him. I would always tell him he cleaned up pretty nice when we would go to church. I remember the smell of his cologne and leather boots and belt. 

I remember a light blue car, maybe a Buick. The interior was covered in matching light blue velvet. There was an ABBA cassette in it and he and Grandma would play Chiquitita over and over for me when we were driving. It is still one of my favorite songs.

Sometimes Grandpa would try to convince you to do something by betting you that you couldn’t. Sometimes I took the bait, other times we would just agree to disagree. One of my visits he brought home a Big Judd’s burger and challenged me that I couldn’t eat the whole thing. I did and topped it off with an ice cream sandwich. For the next 10 years he introduced me as the grandchild that could eat a whole Big Judd Cheeseburger.

It was nice to go to college at Ricks/BYUI for a few years and get to see both Grandma and Grandpa more often. I would come do my laundry and spend the day at Grandma’s and usually stay long enough to eat dinner if I didn’t get there early enough to see him before he left. One year he took me to get new tires on my car for winter. He teased me about how often I had to eat (apparently 3-4 times a day is high maintenance) but I was always welcome to join them for dinner whenever I wanted.

I remember dancing with Grandpa at my wedding reception.  Shortly after I was married and living in Kansas  I came home from work for a lunch break and heard a knock at the door. Grandma and Grandpa were standing at our front door, driving around the country to who knows where and decided to stop by for a minute. It was a pretty awesome surprise. 

I have four generation pictures with each of my kids and Grandma and Grandpa. I will always treasure them. I love you Grandpa Brent. I’m glad I got to talk with you one last time a few weeks ago. Thank you for all the memories and talks. I didn’t always do what you said   but I liked to listen and spend time with you. I will miss you and miss giving you a hug and kissing your scruffy cheek. 

Until we meet again. 

Love always, Janae