Since I’m talking about being sick I will give a little summary of sickness tolerance of our family. I don’t like my kids to be sick obviously but I do have a little extra nurturing mom side that comes out when they are sick. I love that I can take care of them and I know all of the little things to make them feel better. When Ryan reads the last few sentences he is going to…react…so I will start with the reason for that and get it cleared up.
Ryan and I didn’t really have to many big adjustments to each other when we got married but being sick and the expectations of the other person was one of them that we bumped through a few times. So here are our pre-marriage expectations.
Me 2002- Life needs to continue whether you are sick or not so suck it up and keep going. Colds don’t even count as being sick, they are just a nuisance. If you are sick you are a wimp. Take care of yourself if you are sick.
Ryan 2002- When you are sick, you get in bed and rest and get over it. You don’t go to work, or church or anything because no one wants to be around you anyways and get sick. Your wife takes care of you and sympathizes with your sickness.
With those expectations in mind…
Many, many, many years ago Ryan was sick. At the time I think I was working every Monday at an office. We had someone that watched Matthew for us. I came down the stairs to go to work and Ryan was on the couch and said he didn’t feel good so he was going to stay home from work. Unbeknownst to me, not only was he sick but he had been throwing up or coughing all night or something so he was extremely tired on top of his illness. I asked him if he was going to keep Matthew home with him or if he still wanted me to take him to the sitter. He said, “No, I’m sick” I said, “Ok” and for the next ten plus years I have been labeled as the ‘cold, unsympathetic, heartless wife’ that was ‘disgusted that her poor sick husband wouldn’t watch their son when he was sick’ basically almost dying. That is Ryan’s version. My version is,the first time I had to work when Ryan had a man cold I asked if he was still taking Matthew or not so I could let our sitter know. He said he was still taking him and I went to work.
Ryan, right about now I sense your desire to come tell me your version of the story AGAIN. Keep reading.
Fast forward a few years of practice and you now have our adjusted expectations. These are of course ideal situations and sometimes adjustments have to be made but this is the general idea.
Ryan 2018- When Ryan is sick he wants to be left alone to sleep or play a video game, but he likes to be checked in on occasionally so see if he needs company or a refill or medicine. The longer he is sick the more he likes to be checked on because he gets lonely. He likes to be in his room with the door closed so it is quiet and the blinds closed so it is dark. He likes ice water with a little ice, and lemon lime Gatorade. If he has an appetite he prefers some kind of chicken soup. He will not be doing any other tasks until he is feeling better. After years of proving my nursing abilities I have almost redeemed myself from my original blunder.
Me 2018- When I am sick, I get to be sick. Many times Ryan has stayed home from work to take care of the kids so I can rest. I get to have the door closed and be in my bed and sleep. He will check on me and see if I need anything. It is almost like a little vacation-except I feel like crap. I will still probably go to work if I am scheduled but I do realize that people don’t want to be exposed to whatever I have when I am sick so I am getting better at staying home. Colds still don’t count as being sick (for adults), however, they are a reasonable excuse to go to bed early if you’re a wimp. 🙂
Where our kids are concerned we also made a lifetime arrangement due to each others stronger than usual aversion to vomit or poop. When possible and reasonable Ryan is in charge of clean up and assisting in areas of vomiting. I have the same agreement when poop is involved. I think I got a pretty good deal because vomit has the potential to appear for years to come, hopefully poop doesn’t.
Ok, I veered a little off topic. I may sound like I am joking describing some of our sick traits, and it can be overwhelming sometimes, especially when there are multiple people sick but I love my family and I love nursing them back to health when they are sick. As long as they don’t throw up on me.
Emilee- She stays true to her typical snuggly, mommy loving self but kicks it up a notch. When Emilee is sick she feels best when I am physically touching her and devoting all my attention to watching her be sick. Sitting by her reading a book, or watching a show, or doing anything else is not good enough. She wants me to make her a sick bed on the couch with her fridge cold water in a sippy cup so I can help her drink it without her having to lift her head. Then lay next to her and look at her and say that I am sorry she is sick while stroking her hair. She will take medicine if it is bubble gum flavored.
Matthew- He is changing to more of the sit in front of the tv/play video games until he is better but he has some things he likes too. Matthew likes to be waited on hand and foot when he is sick. He likes to be checked on regularly and have the option of having a sick bed on the couch or staying in his room. He wants a sprite and water to drink. He also loves orange jello that is stirred just before it is all the way set so it is like a soup not a solid jello. He is the best at taking medicines (even if they are disgusting) and will ask for medicines for specific things-like a throat spray or cough or headache. He used to have night terrors at random times when he was little. Now they are just when he is sick, and his asthma always gets worse towards the end of his sickness, which means he usually takes the longest to get better.
Allison- Alli is our lock it down don’t mess with me sick person. She is by far sick the least amount of anyone. She has only had to take antibiotics twice in her life. The first time was Penicillin and we discovered she was allergic to it. She has never even had an ear infection. She is usually sick the shortest amount of time too. When she is sick she wants a sick bed on the couch with her blanket. She wants a throw up bowl and ice water within arms reach. Then she pretty much lays there and sleeps until she is better. She will get up and go to the bathroom when she needs and she likes to be carried up to her bed at night and then carried back down in the morning but otherwise she wants to be left alone. She will not take any medicine. She is just now starting to occasionally take Tylenol but most of the time she will have nothing to do with it-not even a cough drop.
three cereal boxes, four 2 liter bottles, all covered with tin foil then colored to look like different colors of slime because it says “I love slime” all over it. She has been working on it for three days and still has some finishing touches. She also spent a few hours making her valentines and organizing them and checking and rechecking her list.