I have noticed another trend that we tend to do in our family. Or maybe phases is a better description. Each summer we cycle through the same phases. The first few phases usually occur in the same order but then depending on our schedule and how things are going the phases might vary in order of occurrence, or length of time. Eventually we pass through all of the different phases, some of them multiple times by the end of summer.
The Grandeur Phase: This phase is kind of a pre-summer phase. It is the excitement and anticipation of summer coming and the expectations of how wonderful it is going to be. It starts when Spring is finally in full swing and the weather is a perfect 70-80 degrees and the door is finally closed on winter. It peaks in May when things start to wrap up with school and the final tests, projects, performances, musicals, talent shows, field trips, field day and all the other end of the year stuff happens. My ideal expectations for summer are usually how productive and fun it will be with positive character building experiences and how well my kids will get along and be grateful and have a wonderful summer of enjoying each others company and doing things together. Of course we plan fun things and do fun activities together but I have never felt it is my job to entertain my kids. A little soap box of mine is over entertaining kids. The purpose of life is not to be entertained constantly by me or anything else. It is great to do entertaining things sometimes but it should not be the bulk of your time. I want them to learn to challenge themselves and work on developing their talents and develop habits and traits that will help them be successful for the rest of their lives. I want them to learn to be proactive and independent at these things too. We work on these things year round but summer is a great time to refocus and emphasize things with fewer distractions or other time commitments. The result of this summer Grandeur Phase was our theme- Work Hard then Play Hard, and the discovery of the electronic ticket system.
The Freedom Phase: This is usually the first true phase of summer and is pretty self explanatory. No more school. No more homework. No more waking up every morning to get ready for school. No projects, emails, papers to sign, needed supplies to send in, deadlines, tracking or reading, practice minutes, studying etc. And this year in particular, no more obnoxious letters from the equally obnoxious principal about how to ‘properly walk home’ (only six more years to put up with her :-/ fingers crossed for early retirement). It is a wonderful feeling of being done with the now mundane routine of all things school related. It is a great few days of sleeping in, watching way to much TV and eating mostly cold cereal and Popsicles. Obviously this is one of the kids favorite phases and they would stay in it indefinitely if I didn’t move them along. I also realize it is a little bit contradictory to some of what I said in the Grandeur Phase, but this is a short lived kick off your shoes and relax phase to celebrate the end of working hard at another school year and gearing up for the next phase, which is reality. We do have occasional revisits to the Freedom Phase throughout summer though. I love sleeping in and not cooking as much as the next person.
The Reality Phase: As much as the kids love the Freedom Phase, the responsible, self motivated, contributing to society adult who wants to be a good mother in me takes over eventually and I have to call an end to it. This is when I explain whatever routine we will be adopting for summer and the plan to work on our family relationships, personal characteristics, expectations and anything else I thought of during the Grandeur Phase to make it ‘the best summer ever’. This phase is usually a little reminiscent of the Grandeur Phase. At least for me. I am usually all gun-ho about implementing and getting going with the plan. The kids can be a little less enthusiastic, but I usually have a range of mild to moderate support from 2 out of 3 of them. This phase also brings me back to reality of maybe lowering my original expectations of summer. This phase can have arguing, fighting, nagging, whining, repeating directions, and more repeating directions. It can be exhausting.
The Cruising Phase: This is when the wheels are turning, the gears are greased and everything is going great. We have a nice balance of work and play, fun and responsibility. This is a phase that on occasion the stars align and we are all in at the same time, but unfortunately this is one of the hardest phases to do that. I swear my kids draw straws each morning to see who’s turn it is to be the stinker for the day. Rarely do they decide to all be happy and pleasant at the same time but when it happens it is glorious. This phase has little arguing, lots of smiles, and happiness and contentment from parents and kids. It is still great when some of us are in this phase but not as wonderful as when the whole family is cruising together.
Laxadazical: This Phase is one of the most maddening ones for me, and the kicker is it is usually my fault most of the time that we move into it. This phase is when things start to relax to much and the meltdown of our regular structure goes to far. I let up on the reigns because they have been doing great and I give them a little leeway but don’t crack the whip soon enough if they take a mile instead of an inch. I guess I get a little lazy myself. There can be any number of causes but the classic lead ups to this phase are
- A night or two of late bedtimes that turns into”I can stay up late everynight”
- Five extra minutes of TV/video games that turns into”I can watch/play as long as I want”
- You can do your chores later turns into- doing a bad job or not doing it at all.
A frusteration with this phase is that I want to give my kids more rope to start being more responsible and proactive with their choices but the amount of rope changes for every incident and it easily gets out of hand. Also, I don’t know why but usually I don’t even realize we are in this phase until explode after I am sick and tired of nagging, arguing and yelling at them to listen, to get their stuff done, or redone because they did a crappy job the first time. I try to be on the look out for the obvious signs of this phase but it sneaks in a lot.
The Stir Crazy Phase: I thought this was just a phase I had but I think all of us get it a little bit. I love Kansas and we plan for it to be our forever home but I have to leave at least once, preferably 2-3 times in the summer. We have to pack a suitcase and drive or fly somewhere and be gone for a few days. One year we had a bigger vacation planned and it was in September in Florida with my family. We didn’t really go anywhere in the summer because we had that planned. I about went bananas. We need something to break up the regular routine on occasion throughout the summer. We usually go up to Lincoln for the 4th of July. Sometimes a trip to Utah/Idaho for a reunion, or to see my sisters or my parents. I love picking a new place none of us have been before and seeing and doing new things. We are all a little grumpy and restless if we get into the Stir Crazy Phase.
The Life Is Awesome Phase: This is going on vacation. This phase might sound a little cheesy but it is how I usually feel on vacation. If not, I am not really on vacation, or on a good vacation I guess. It is not the same as the Freedom Phase. It is more full filling and satisfying. There are still responsibilities with vacations-planning, packing, traveling, budgeting… It is just awesome to step away from regular life and enjoy doing something all together totally out of the norm. Ryan being with us is awesome, I am home with the kids most of the time so I am old news but it is a treat to have both parents 24-7. I love having the plan be nothing but enjoy time together, do fun things, experience new things, make memories, just be together. Sometimes we do bigger vacations but it doesn’t have to be. One of my favorite parts of our vacations is the driving and being all stuck in the car together. My family rolls their eyes when I get excited about a 19+ hour car ride but I do like it. Whether they admit it or not I know they like singing ‘500 Miles’ at the top of their lungs just as much as I do.Vacations are just awesome because we get to focus on being together as a family. We get to put a pin in all other responsibilities that take time away from being a family and enjoy one of the greatest blessings we have been given when we came to earth.
The Boredom Phase: This comes and goes and is self explanatory as well. The boredom can be caused for many reasons; summer has lost its magicalness, it is ‘too hot’, friends are gone, already done that, don’t want to do that, loss of privileges, choosing to be bored, expecting to be entertained, laziness, etc. Expecting to be entertained is my cue for this phase and it might sound crazy but a lot of times the cure for my kids boredom is to take away all their electronics for awhile. This initially causes expressions of anger, panic, frustration and irritability but eventually they settle down and after a little brainstorming they figure out they do have some creativity and enjoy each others company. Before you know it they are playing tag, building forts, baking treats, making up games, riding bikes together, doing crafts, playing board games, reading books and all kinds of things. Since we have implemented no electronics on Sunday they are much better at not getting into this phase as often and getting out of it quicker when they do. The whining and complaining is much shorter lived.
The Panic Phase: It is usually about the end of July when there is a sudden realization that school is starting in just a few weeks and all the commotion that brings with it. The to-do list; register for school, school clothes, school supplies, back to school night. The worry list; have we crammed everything into summer we need/want to, who is my teacher, what friends are in my class, what do I wear the first day, what do I wear the second day, take my lunch or school lunch, who will remember me, how should I do my hair, who will I sit by (this list got way longer when Alli started school). I also have a little panic each year about sending my kids back to school. I know they are good kids and I enjoy being with them. Most of their experiences will help them learn and grow and they will be happy and successful. I know they have to learn to handle things on their own and they can (and I can still help them) but I worry and it makes me want to follow my kids around with a rubber chicken or something to smack the little turd kids that need a wake up call on the back of the head when they are mean and cruel or a bad influence. I think I do pretty good at hiding my worry from the kids so I don’t project my stress to them or give them things to worry about that they hadn’t thought of. For the most part my panic passes and is unfounded. I am pretty confident in Matthew’s confidence and moral compass and self worth. I worry for Allison a lot. She can have a hard candy coating but it is protecting a delicate fragile sweet little girl inside. I wish I could give her a confidence and self worth mega vitamin everyday. She cares way to much about what other people think. Emilee seems to be in between Matthew and Allison right now, hopefully it will grow in the positive direction with school.
The Hallelujah Phase: This is the kids are starting school again and I can get on top of our lives a little more again phase. This phase starts at different times each year and can vary in…intensity. Three years ago this started as soon as August hit and I was about to burst by the time school started. I couldn’t get them to school fast enough. Last year it was the last day or to before school and hardly noticeable. This year is on track to be in the middle of that somewhere but we have all of July to get through. Just like the end of the school year when the routine is a getting mundane and you just need a change, the same happens with summer. It just starts to get a little old. The Boredom Phase becomes more and more common. Everyone is less patient, fights and argues more. It is just time for a change and revamp of schedules and getting back into growing in different ways. My kids help and do a lot of things around the house but when we are all home a lot it is harder to keep up on things and some projects, jobs, and other things get set aside or slip through the cracks. When this phase comes I want to get back on top of everything and feel more organized and prepared. How well my kids are getting along is a huge factor in when this phase starts.
