Every year at Christmas I write each of my kids a letter from me that I put in their stocking for them. Sometimes they read them but most of the time it is quickly forgotten in the excitement of Christmas. I keep them for them each year and when they are older they can have them. I came across an article the other day that was about starting middle school. It got me thinking and I decided that I wanted to write Matthew and Allison a letter for starting school this year. I left it on their pillows for them but I decided to put it here for when they are older. It is my proof that I told them these things at some point too. Don’t worry Emilee, I will make you a fun picture or something with a note. You can’t read yet anyway. 🙂
Dear Matthew,
I’ve been thinking about you starting middle school next week a lot. I am excited for you. When I look back at any time in my life and what I was doing, most of the time there are a few “I wish I had known…” or “I wish I had done…” thoughts mixed in with all the memories and experiences. A little perspective it always helpful but ironically when you are in the middle of something it is sometimes the hardest point to get perspective from. It is hard to remember every specific thing you are taught but the hope is that eventually with enough reminders and repetition things will start to sink in and help you grow and develop your character, habits, and traits into a happy successful person. So, here are a few things I want you to remember as you start your middle school adventure.
Pick good friends. Friends are important. Friends feel like everything sometimes between now and through college, but if you don’t choose wisely, you can easily end up where you don’t want to be. Pick friends that have high standards. That think learning is cool, and that make you feel good about yourself. Pick friends that aren’t into being petty, and controlling you, and putting others down. Pick friends that want to do good, and value being kind, even when someone isn’t kind back.
Be yourself-confidence looks good on you. Middle school is a time to figure out who you want to be. You are trying to fit in, and that’s totally normal, but don’t blur who you really are with who you think you should be. Just because all your friends want to do something, doesn’t mean you have to. When they question you, don’t be afraid to just tell them that you’re not that interested. True friends will admire your confidence in being true to yourself. Confidence will always be a good look on you. I have seen your confidence growing the past year. I love it. I know you are more on the shy side and that is hard to overcome. Your dad and I both had that too, we know how you feel. When we push you we are trying to help you realize that the uncomfortableness is okay to push through so you don’t hold yourself back. Challenge yourself to continue to overcome that and develop your confidence.
Take care of your body. Wear deodorant, and take pride in how you look. That doesn’t mean having the trendiest clothes or the coolest shoes. It means that you should take the time to look presentable, put together, and ready for whatever life throws at you. No need to impress anyone with your clothes, but instead focus on treating your body as a gift. It is one. Feed it good healthy food, hydrate it, and trim your toe nails. J You know dads saying, ‘don’t be the stinky kid’. You are pretty good at this but as you get another year or two older it might feel like more of a struggle to do. You are gifted with a pretty good athletic ability Matthew. Use your talent to have fun, learn, and grow. Remember to take care of your body physically, spiritually, mentally, and emotionally. All are very important.
School is important. You will have a lot more social activities, but school work is actually good. I am very impressed with your self-motivation and responsibility since you were in kindergarten to come home and do your school work and stay on top of all your assignments with very little if any reminding or help from me. Remember to enjoy learning and really learn stuff. Not just learn it enough to pass the test then forget it. I wish I had taken more time to enjoy things I was learning and process and internalize it more. It is hard to imagine now but when you are older and done with school, you will miss it sometimes. Having no responsibilities other than learning doesn’t happen as much the older you get, if ever. Enjoy that opportunity now.
Have fun. You’re going to be adjusting to a lot of new experiences in middle school, and it’s important to have fun. Try not to worry about being perfect, and relax into everything that gets thrown your way. You only get to be this age once– you don’t need to grow up too fast.
Talk to us. If you’ll talk to me, I promise I’ll try to be understanding. I’ve been there. I was awkward. Friends hurt my feelings. I hurt my friends’ feelings. I made mistakes. I also know you’ll hear and see a lot of things that might make you scared, or worried, or just plain confused. Talk to your dad and I about them, and I promise, you’ll feel better. Friends are a great resource, but your dad and I love you like no one else does, and we have a pretty decent perspective since we already went through middle school.
Don’t get wrapped up in girl drama. Middle school girls are full of hormones and drama. It’s a given. Be kind and honest with them, don’t make fun of or tease them for their feelings. Don’t play games with people’s emotions and feelings, or let them play games with yours. Respect them, and expect respect back. They are a person just like you, talk and act like yourself around them.
Electronics are not required. Your dad and I have talked to you about this often and a lot, and we will keep doing it. There are relationships to work on, books to read, and life to live. Don’t get sucked into what is happening on social media, the older you get the more you will feel the pressure for this. Social media is not required or necessary for having a happy social life. Video games are not required for a happy successful life. Go outside and live life, do something good for someone, create a memory, develop your talents.
Be the example. It’s hard being the example, and sometimes it sucks. But, people will look up to you for standing out, making good choices, and being kind even when you feel awkward or uncool. Kids can be mean. But, you’re not. So, stand up to the bullies, speak out against things you know are wrong, and don’t be afraid to be different. Even when it sucks. Sure, you might miss out on things, but I promise it’s not the end of the world, even though it feels like it. Be the example when you can, because you are brave, and strong.
Remember that we love you. I may not always know exactly how you feel, but you are never alone. You have a family that loves you, and we’ll always try to be a soft landing place for you when you fall. No mistake you make will ever make us feel different. YOU WILL ALWAYS BE LOVED. No matter what. Your Heavenly Father loves you too. No matter what situation or where you are, you are never alone. Heavenly Father is always there and will here and answer your prayers. I know this Matthew. I promise you this. There have been many times in my life when He has comforted me, helped me, protected me, guided me, and reminded me that I am never alone and He loves me. Learn to listen and follow the promptings you receive from the Holy Ghost. You get them daily. You will never regret it.
As you start middle school, remember that you’ve got this. You’re ready. You’ve got parents at home that always have your back. You are a very good person Matthew. I truly enjoy watching you grow and become the person you are. You have a good, kind, gentle, generous, loving heart. You came that way straight from Heaven the day you were born. I am blessed to be your mom. I love you!
