Category: 2018

The DMV

Ugg! I had the pleasure of renewing my drivers license today. I say that with as much sarcasm as possible. It is such a cliche. I prefer to imagine I have stepped onto a Parks and Rec television set and am playing a part in a ridiculous comedy about the mind numbing process of getting your drivers license renewed. It is a little less depressing and more entertaining from that perspective.

After I got tired of reading my book, doing a cross word, catching up on emails, making a meal plan for the next two weeks, then staring into space being bored,  I decided to make a helpful little blog post about successfully managing the DMV while I waited.

Helpful Tips for Going to the DMV.

  1. Do not just wander into a DMV all willy-nilly. It is important to pick a time that tends to have the most employees working and the smallest crowds. Here are guidelines to consider when planning when to go.
  • Do not go at the very beginning of the month (large crowds of planners and go-getters, or everyone that procrastinated the last month).
  • Do not go at the very end of the month (large crowds of procrastinators).
  • Do not go to the DMV the first hour they are open due to large crowds of ‘stop on the way to workers’. Also, DMV’s tend to have a slow starting pace and many employees are finishing their coffee, finishing conversations, setting up their work area, hanging up coats, purses, umbrellas, or meandering around looking sullen before finally taking their seat and getting to work.
  • Do not go at the end of the day due to large crowds of stop on the way homers. In preparation of the end of the work day the last hour of the day, lines are closed and no more people are allowed to join the ‘waiting que’. Also at this time, half the employees begin wrapping up their day to head home and close their windows bringing the ‘waiting que’ pace from slow to almost stand still.
  • Do not go over your lunch hour. If you think you can be in and out of the DMV in an hour you are sadly mistaken. Not only will you find a long line from all the other people who thought the same thing, you will also have lunches of the employees being rotated through. I am not exactly sure but I would guess that a third to half the employees are gone between the hours of 11-1. This again reduces the line to a snails pace.
  • Do not go on Monday. They are not open. I assume this has something to do with employee retention, like an employee perk, since most normal businesses are open M-F, the DMV is T-F.
  • Wednesdays are risky. People who have the DMV on their to do list might think it is a good time to get it done-mid week. Also, everyone that came on Monday thinking it would be open will most likely come on this day because they were to irritated to come back Tuesday.
  • Fridays are also risky. People who are procrastinators will wait until this day and some employees might be ‘mentally checked out’, again, returning (or maintaining) the ‘waiting que’ to a snails pace.
  • Drivers license and car tag renewals are NOT AT THE SAME LOCATION. I’m sure there is some logical reason for this like…I can’t think of any but I have been at both locations and heard several poor souls come in frustrated and on the verge of tears say they just waited in line for two hours to find out they were in the wrong place.
  • If you have children, do whatever you can at all costs to find someone to watch them for you. At. All. Costs.

So to sum up, the best times to try and keep your trip to the DMV as short as possible is to arrive on Tuesday or Thursday between 8:30-9 and 1:30-2 by yourself with no kids, and nowhere to be anytime soon. No guarantees though.

2. Gather proper documentation. Most likely you will get a nice little reminder in the mail telling you it is time for renewal, or whatever reason you might need to go to the DMV. It might even have a helpful list of items to bring with you. Be wary though, somewhere the writer of this little reminder is getting a good chuckle at how unhelpful and misleading this reminder is.

  • Whatever is listed on the reminder is NOT a complete list. I repeat. Whatever is on the list is NOT a complete list.
  • Try and save yourself time by just bringing everything. Chances are they will ‘absolutely require’ something you didn’t bring and ‘absolutely no exceptions’ can be made, so bring it all. DMV employees are very precise rule followers-like librarians.
  • These are some things to bring to help cover your bases but by no means should be considered a complete list. Current drivers license, social security card, birth certificate, utility bill with your name on it, marriage license (or divorce decree if applicable), passport, second utility bill in case the first one doesn’t qualify for some reason, and the little reminder card they sent you in the mail explaining to them why you are there (apparently looking at the expiration date on your current Driver’s License is not the preferred reason for coming to the DMV. They like you to have an ‘invitation’), and cash. Trust me, just pay cash, no cards, no checks.

3. Go to the DMV. Congratulations! You have picked a day and time, gathered your paperwork and are now ready to go to the DMV. Here are some arrival tips.

  • Often there is a digital line you can get in before you even get there. That is a great start, if it is working that day. It is a high probability that the system will be down but  you won’t know that until you get there and find out you haven’t been in line like you thought. No matter how prepared you think you are, clear your day and have no deadlines, appointments, kids to pick up, or any other commitments or plans for the day. Plan on being there for two to three hours minimum. Bring entertainment for you and anyone else with you for at least 4-6 hours. You will get bored of things that normally entertain you for hours quickly because you feel like you are in a time warp and time has slowed down 10 times its normal pace. You can bring food, but eat it quietly and quickly or you will have to explain to the security guard how you missed the thirty ‘No Food Allowed’ signs posted every three feet, even though you have been watching him eat his ‘lunch’ for the past hour. Other than the ‘No Food’ signs the only other posters you will see are are the ‘Become a Tissue Donor’ posters. This allows you to contemplate giving away your body parts in case of your death while you are there becoming depressed from the lack of color, noise and positive human interaction.
  • When you arrive, find the ‘pre-line’. This is the line where someone is making sure you have all the necessary paperwork before you are aloud to actually get in the real line. Wait in this line for a long long long time. Try not to loose it when some schmuck comes in and thinks he can just jump in real quick and skip the line to ask one little question. Smile calmly at the person in front of you when the pre-line person leaves their position to track down the answer to the schmucks obscure question that he didn’t know, and returns ten minutes later.
  • ***Special note*** To avoid the wrath of fellow DMV visitors, unless your question is “Where is the pre-line?” Get in line to ask your question.
  • When you finally get to the front of the line don’t be discouraged when you are told that you do not have everything you need and will have to leave and go get something that you didn’t know you were supposed to bring then come back and get in the pre-line again. No matter what you read or where you read it, or even if you can produce the paper or website page where you found your ‘what to bring’ list, you will be told it is ‘out of date and no longer accurate’.  See special note for correct exit plan.
  • ***Special note*** I don’t know if it is in their training, or if it is a DMV employee personality trait or just random dumb luck but 99% of DMV employees will only offer information that is specifically asked for, nothing more, nothing less. For example when you are told you don’t have enough redundant paperwork, if you ask the pre-line employee if your social security card will work as identification confirmation and are told ‘Yes’ and then stops speaking and just looks at you, do not assume that means you don’t need anything else. Make sure to follow up with a question such as, “when I go home and get my social security card, what else might I need to get?” Continue asking this question until you are told that is everything. Repeat the entire list of documents back to the employee for verification, twice. Hopefully this will prevent you from being sent home several times.
  • Go home and get what you ‘forgot’. Return to the DMV.

Hopefully on the second try you can make it past the pre-line and get to the actual line. This will depend on how well you were able to use follow up questions to make sure you really have everything. If you are successful you will get a number and get to sit in line instead of stand in line. If not repeat the above steps and try again.

4. Wait in the real line. You will get a number for your place in line. This allows you to sit instead of stand for the remainder of your time in line. Look around and find a spot that looks like a comfy place to spend the next several hours. Despite all previously mentioned ‘No Food Allowed’ signs most of the chairs will have an unknown sticky or gooey substance on it. Hopefully you have wet wipes in your purse, or you can use the handy little reminder sent to you in the mail as a barrier between you and the goo.

  • Once you find your seat you might look around and see some things that get your hopes up that you won’t be there very long. You are wrong but feel free to hope. The number of desks can be deceiving, just because there are 24 employee desks does not mean they are all open. In fact based on my experience rarely if ever are more than a third of the desks open at a time. Even if you get a good estimate of how many people are actually working at the desks, it is not a guarantee that they stay working. Another deception is you will notice the cubicles are lowered for the employee and there is a raised counter for visitors. This also prevents you from seeing if someone is actually sitting at the desk and allows them to sneak away for their 15 minute hourly break. Another false indicator of your length of stay can be the people around you. If there is a digital line, every person ahead of you in the digital line will show up at the last possible second and get in front of you, people will come out of the wood work. This is the case even if the line was ‘not working’ when you tried to get in the digital line, so they just added you at the end. The point is, you will still be there for hours.
  • Another false indicator is your ticket number itself. Lets say your number is R751. Shortly after you sit down they call R746. Naturally you would think that means there are five people ahead of you. You would be wrong though. The next five numbers called have a different letter like O314, T633, N548 and so on. It is several more numbers before R747 is called. Again, you might try and estimate your time left but once again you are wrong. After an hour of waiting and trying to figure out the line/number system with no success R750 is called. A few numbers later R732 makes the cut. This is the digital line jumping all over your hope of getting out of there anytime soon. Until you give up hope and succumb to spending the rest of your day at the DMV, your number will never get called. I hope you took the advice to not bring your kids. If you didn’t-good luck to you. If you did, don’t sit by the person that didn’t because it’s going to get ugly.

5. Finally! After waiting forever and having all your senses dulled by the lack of sound, color, and normal human interaction with the outside world your number is called! You have made it to the beginning of the line. You pick up your stuff and head to the desk that called your number. These next tips are critical, you are not in the clear yet.

  • DMV employees can be very finicky and should be considered a flight risk at all times. They have a very strict set of ever changing rules that they will follow as if being allowed to take their next breath depends on it. Remember that they have been working in this colorless, soundless, dull room for an unknown amount of time and approach with caution. As you are walking up take in the surroundings and the demeanor of the employee as best you can. If there is the same colorlessness and lack of personality in their 5×5 space, be succinct and to the point when speaking, no small talk, have your papers ready to go and give confident but not to confident answers to questions. If there are some personal touches and a little color or flare to their cubicle (like a joke on the wall, or a colorful name tag) you can smile and appear relaxed and attempt small talk if you want.
  • Never ask a question not related to what you are there for. This can irritate the employee and make the process slow way down because they have to ‘go check something’ and take a 15 minute break. Or it will send them off to find the answer because like I said, the rules are ever changing and the people on both sides of them gave a different answer to the same question. Or they will start flooding you with references to certain documents and forms and statutes and you won’t know what they are talking about anyway.
  • If you are having your picture taken, when they tell you to smile be ready to hold that smile for 30 seconds straight without looking like an idiot or your picture will be horrible, and there are NO retakes. If you ask if the picture turned out the employee will always answer yes without even looking.
  • When the 95 year old grandpa next to you fails the vision test seven times before finally ‘passing’ and gets his license, don’t say anything. When the person on the other side of you doesn’t speak English and the employee clearly doesn’t speak whatever language they are speaking and hands him a new drivers license anyway, don’t say anything. When the employee asks if you want a ‘Real ID’ or a ‘plain drivers license’ do not look at them like they are an idiot and say ‘Well I don’t want a fake one.’  (you do want a Real ID BTW-whoever decided to rename it from a Driver’s License to a Real ID is one funny person) AND if you are helped by an employee named Dawn and she asks if you are registered at your current address to vote, do not pause to think or you will be given a speech about taking your US Citizenship rights seriously. If you do any of those things, you will immediately be jinxed and your ‘Real ID’ will get lost in the mail and you will have to come do this whole process over again.

There are many more tips to go with the  actual interaction with the employee but I’ll let you wing it and have a little fun figuring it out on your own. When you are finally done as you turn to leave you will see a stack of paper that looks like it has been stepped on, crumpled and uncrumpled 20 times, soaked in the toilet and air dried then left on the counter for 10 years collecting dust next to the exit door. On closer look you will see that it says, ‘Please rate your experience at the DMV today Survey’ at the top. There is no pen or pencil or collection box but if you want, you can take one of those papers, fill it out and wait in the pre-line to give it back.

Then vs now-Kindergarten

I think for a post every now and then I am going to pick an event that everyone (or most) of our family has done and compare them or write what we remember about those times. The first one I am going to do it kindergarten.

I’ll go first. I think these memories I have are from kindergarten…but they could be mixed with other memories and I don’t realize it. That’s the product of age plus memories I guess. Like the time when I was telling my mom about our trip to Nauvoo when I was younger and she told me I had never been to Nauvoo. I told her all about the trip and she showed me a picture book with pictures of the events that I had described. Apparently at some point I looked through the pictures and it became a memory of something I did instead of pictures I had seen. Anyway, I digress. Back to kindergarten.

I lived in Loa Utah, in a white house that I believe was on the corner of the street that was a straight shot down to the school. It would have been 1987. I want to say my teachers name was Mrs. Taft but I would have to look that up in a picture book to be sure and I am to lazy to do that right now. I remember learning our letters and she had a little blow up alphabet character for each letter and we could take turns bringing them home sometimes. I remember swinging on the swings and being ‘married’ to someone if we were swinging exactly together. I think we had a nap time. We did have snack time and it was chocolate or regular milk with something to eat. You were not allowed to blow bubbles in your milk or they would take your milk away. I remember blowing bubbles one day without really being aware of it and they took my milk away. I wondered how they even knew I was doing it. I remember wondering how adults knew a lot of things growing up. It makes me chuckle now when I can tell my kids are thinking the same thing. It is usually pretty obvious but in a kids mind you think you are being so sly. I remember our neighbor Clayton that was my age. He had a rabbit and I remember him explaining how to tell if it was a boy or girl and I had no idea what he was talking about because all I could see was fur. I remember telling my mom that I was sick one day when I wasn’t and I thought I was pretty slick because she let me stay home and lay on the couch. I was highly disappointed when everyone got home from school and I felt better and felt good enough to go play with everyone. my mom said I should probably stay on the couch for the rest of the day to make sure I didn’t get sick again. The only other thing I remember about kindergarten in that my dog followed me to school one day and was barking at people. I was worried they were going to take him to the pound but my mom came and got him and took him home.

Ryan lived in Manhattan Kansas. He would have started kindergarten in 1984.  He remembers racing out to the jungle gym for recess because everyone tried to race and get the spot on top. His teachers name was Ms Crane. His mom took him to school and he doesn’t really remember anything about in the class and learning. He remembers recesses and looking forward to them. He met his friend Jake Sumners in kindergarten and they are still friends to this day. The only other thing he remembers is how to get to his class room when he got to school.

Matthew went to Scarborough Elementary in Olathe Kansas and had afternoon kindergarten with Mrs Herl in 2012. He says some of his memories are also PE and recess related. He learned how to play color tag and found out that he was a pretty fast runner. His favorite things to do were PE with Mr Simpson. Toilet tag was another favorite that he taught them to play. It is basically freeze tag but when you get tagged you have to put one knee on the ground and hold your hand out. If someone runs by you and ‘flushes’ your hand you can unfreeze and start running again. The first fire drill scared him because he didn’t understand what a drill was. He remembers cutting his knee open when he slid on the rocks at recess and thought he was so tough because he didn’t even know it and it didn’t hurt. There were only 11 kids in his class and of those 11 only 3 were boys. They had two recesses. They had a Halloween costume parade and he was Optimus Prime. When they had career day and were supposed to dress up as what they wanted to be when they grew up he dressed up as a zoo keeper. One of his favorite things when he was in kindergarten was animals. He loved to watch the Nat Geo Wild Channel and his favorite TV show was Wild Kratz. All the parents sent in a couple boxes of something for snacks and if anyone was allergic to any foods they had to bring their own snack.

Allison went to half day morning kindergarten with Ms Ryder in 2015 at Prairie Creek Elementary. For her first Halloween at school she was a Spanish dancer, mostly because she liked the dress, not because she liked dancing. They had one 15 minute recess. I have asked several times what other things she liked about kindergarten and she has repeatedly told me nothing…so this is a short paragraph.

Emilee started full day kindergarten in 2018 with Mrs Pahl also at Prairie Creek. Half day kindergarten is no longer an option. I had to sign a waiver saying any snacks I send to school for Emilee will only be eaten by her and not contain any nuts or be made in a place that has nuts. She has a morning and afternoon recess for 15 minutes each. She is making friends and enjoys it once she gets there but is still a little nervous about going in the morning.

 

First child vs last child. Pregnancy.

Sometimes I laugh with my friends about how parenting changes from kid to kid.  I’m not talking about the differences caused by each kid because they are a different kid. I’m talking about the things that you wouldn’t see a reason for doing different from kid to kid but there seems to be a pretty steady pattern anyway, I will leave it for the reader to figure that pattern out.  The reasons for the pattern as you read on are numerous and debatable. Some of the more ‘popular’ or ‘obvious’ I have come up with are; experience, inexperience, perseverance, attrition, hind sight, fortitude, wisdom, time, sanity, lack of sanity, and the amount of sleep to required effort ratio. In no way do the patterns imply or mean that one kid was loved more or less. I love all my kids and they were all cared for and loved and the day I finally got to meet them and bring them home were some of the happiest days of my life. Mostly this is just for my kids to laugh at and compare the ‘unfair’ and ‘unjust’ discrepancies in their childhoods.

Pregnancy.

  • Matthew- I bought ‘What to Expect When You’re Expecting’ and read one chapter ahead each week so I would know ‘what to expect’ then read the chapter several times during the week to make sure I remember and new it all.
  • Allison- got the book out in case I wanted to reference it, but ended up using it as a coaster on my nightstand instead.
  • Emilee- donated the book before I was even pregnant with her because I needed the space for Harry Potter on my shelf.

Birthing Class.

  • Matthew- I researched different options, got opinions from others, call or email several different instructors for their credentials. Reserved my spot for a one hour six week class months in advance in case it filled up.
  • Allison- laugh that I went to one the first go around.
  • Emilee- Are they still doing that?

Birth plan.

  • Matthew- The above mentioned class tells me to make a written birth plan to give to my doctor so we are all on the same page when it is time to deliver on ‘how I want the birth to go’. I ask my doctor when she wants me to get that to her  and she says- she doesn’t. I’m relieved because it sounds like homework and I didn’t want to do it anyway. My plan is to go to the hospital and let them take it from there.
  • Allison- Silently judge people (mostly silently) that actually do this…plan all you want the baby is coming how and when they want. Go to the hospital and let them take it from there.
  • Emilee- Get this baby out of me as fast and painless as possible.

Pain Management.

  • Matthew- Learn everything about getting an epideral and possible side effects for me and the baby. Want an epideral but feel a little guilty that I’m not ‘tough’ enough or ‘am willing to risk’ a fore mentioned risks involved. Decide I am a fan of modern medicine and have nothing to prove or be a hero about and get an epideral.
  • Allison- Request an epideral immediately after checking into the hospital.
  • Emilee- tell the front desk to get the epideral on the way  before I am even checked into the hospital.

Packing bag.

  • Matthew- Bring way to much crap to prepare for any possible scenario to the hospital including living there for 6 months and twelve different options for a first outfit picture.
  • Allison-Have one small bag packed and ready, Ryan can get anything I don’t have.
  • Emilee- if the hospital doesn’t have it I’ll go without for 36 hours.

Going to the hospital.

  • Matthew- Call the doctor, nurse, and hospital tell them everything that is going on and refer to book every five minutes until deciding it is really time to go to the hospital.
  • Allison- Schedule and induction date leave Matthew with grandma and check in and out of the hospital on schedule.
  • Emilee- Get a haircut and a pedicure when I start having regular contractions two weeks early so my toes are cute while I’m in the hospital. Call Ross and Lauren last minute to drop the kids off on the way to the hospital because I was planning on having grandma watch the kids for another induction date in two weeks and had made no back up plan. Show up at the hospital without calling them or my doctor.

Husband during labor.

Matthew- Eat Chipotle in front of me while I am in labor, starving and only allowed ice chips. Have to go sit down with his head between his knees and breathe in a bag when I get an epideral.

Allison- Sneak me a bite of his Chipotle while I am in labor, starving and only allowed ice chips because he feels guilty for eating in front of me last time, I throw it up. Have to go sit down with his head between his knees and breathe in a bag when I get an epideral.

Emilee- Eat Chipotle in front of me while I am in labor, starving and only allowed ice chips, refuse to share with me when I ask because last time I threw up and ‘that was gross’. Have to go sit down with his head between his knees and breathe in a bag when I get an epideral.

Babies first night in hospital.

  • Matthew- Refuse the offers to take him out of my room for any reason because the book said there are creepers standing outside my door waiting to swap my baby or sneak them past the hospitals security protocols and I am his mother and can take care of him myself without any help even though this is the first 5 minutes I have been responsible for another human beings complete safety and well being and I am exhausted. Ryan sleeps on the sofa so I am not alone and complains its the worst night sleep in his life.
  • Allison- I agree to let them take her to the nursery so I can rest. Call and make the nurse come back immediately because in my exhausted state I didn’t feel I looked close enough at her credentials before she took Alli. Her credentials look legit so I let them take her and get a nap. It is glorious. Ryan settles in for the second worst nights sleep of his life on the hospital couch.
  • Emilee- She doesn’t cry AT ALL in the hospital, she stays with us during the day but off to the nursery at night so I can sleep. I try to convince Ryan to follow them to the nursery, he says I am paranoid. Ryan tries to suggest he sleeps at home but I tell him to get comfy in case I need something.

First outing.

  • Matthew- Pack EVERYTHING I might possibly need in case we never come home again in my diaper bag, back-up diaper bag, and the  back-up back-up diaper bag. Arrive an hour late because I had to change him and me twice when he pooped on us, threw up on us, and then had to go back because I forgot the back-up diaper bag. Upon arrival, look down and realize instead of shoes I am wearing fuzzy neon blue slippers.
  • Allison- Chuck the back-up diaper bags, decide to carry one bag to be my purse and diaper bag. Keep a pair of flip flops in my car for when I forget to change my slippers. Arrive only a few minutes late but look completely disheveled.
  • Emilee- If you need me, you can find me at my house wearing my fuzzy blue slippers, until I feel like taking three kids somewhere. I get a cute really big purse keep wipes, diaper, and a plastic bag inside for outings. Emilee wears nothing but a diaper for the rest of church several times after she has a blow out.

Bottle/Nursing Starting Solids

  • Matthew- Have a strict rotation schedule alternating bottle and nursing so he doesn’t get ‘nipple confusion’ start introducing solids at the earliest possible time. Spend hours coaxing him to eat, measuring what he eats, and introduce foods every two weeks.
  • Allison- Try nursing for two weeks, then switch to pumping and bottle only because it is not working. Wait as long as possible to start solids, introduce a new food every 3-4 days.
  • Emilee- She gets her tongue clipped in the hospital so she can nurse without killing me. Takes a bottle or nurses with no issue. Start solids as late as possible. Mostly fed by Allison because that entertains them both.

Toys for baby.

  • Matthew- Pre-wash ALL toys before Matthew is allowed to play with them. If any other kid touches or plays with a toy it has to be washed again. Otherwise, all toys will be washed on a monthly basis.  All toys have all parts, fresh batteries and are in perfect working order. Buy way to many toys that he doesn’t even care about.
  • Allison- Throw out washing toys unless there is visible body fluids, its good for their immune system. Buy a few pink toys so she has ‘girl toys’ and take batteries our of any noise making toys. Giveaway half the toys because we have to many.
  • Emilee- She can play with whatever is around the house as long as it isn’t toxic, sharp, or hot. If a toy hasn’t been touched for a month I’m giving it away because I’m tired of stepping on it. No batteries aloud.

 

Adjusting

The kids have been in school a little over a week now. Everyone is still adjusting and getting used to the new schedules.

Emilee. It is a big change for her to go to all day kindergarten. The thing she keeps telling me the most is, “It is sooooooo looooong!” She is mentally and physically tired when she gets home. The first few days she came home and immediately laid on the couch and didn’t move for a show or two. Then she started coming home and having to play with her toys right away. I think it is her way of unwinding and processing her new environment. She has always been pretty good playing but it is a very pressing need for her when she comes home. She gets a little anxious at night when she is going to sleep on on the way to school in the morning about going but once she is there she does great.  I ate lunch with her last week and she seems to be making friends and having a fun time. Several of her classmates said hi to her and waved when they walked past. She likes taking lunch and getting school lunch. She is growing up. I think I hold on to her a little more than I did the others because she is my last. She seems so young to me still but she is the same age Matthew was and a year older than Allison was when she started kindergarten.

Allison. She seems to have jumped into everything the easiest. This is her fourth year with the same group of kids so she is getting to know them pretty good. She has a young new teacher, which for some reason she has always wanted. Her best friend Carlee is at the new elementary school this year and I was a little worried about that. I asked her who she was playing with at recess and if she had made any friends. In true Alli fashion she told me she had enough friends and played with them at recess when she wanted to. She has been a little more tired than usual but otherwise seems to be doing great. I think this year will be a little more challenging for her which is good. She is smart and I don’t feel like she hasn’t been challenged as much as she could so far in her school. She is in a hurry to grow up so when she feels like she is getting more responsibility she usually does well with that. Having more homework will be more of a challenge for both of us though. She tends to take all evening doing it a little bit at a time which drives me crazy. I need to let her figure it out on her own but it is hard for me to step back sometimes, especially when there isn’t really a consequence at school for it. I think this year will be different.

Matthew. He started 6th grade which is middle school. He changes classes, has a locker, dresses out for PE, and rides the bus. He seemed to be doing fine, and reported that everything was fine, but after about the third day it was pretty evident that he was a little more stressed out then he was letting on. It takes him about 15 minutes to get ready for school in the morning. The bus picks him up in front of our house at 7:07. He was getting up at 6:15, I told him after the first day or two that he could probably sleep in 15 or 20 more minutes if he wanted and he lost it that he would miss the bus. We have been eating breakfast at 6:45 and reading scriptures and he starts panicking that he is going to miss the bus if we aren’t done by 6:55. He has had many meltdowns about…anything and everything. He finally said that he felt really unorganized and didn’t know how to keep track of everything. Once we got that figured out he seemed a little better. He is playing football and baseball on top of school, home, and youth night too. I have told him that we are never doing two sports again because it is to much. I think he will be fine with that though. Football is not as great as he thought it would be (thank goodness!!) he isn’t as aggressive as he needs to be for it. I think in another week or two he will be settled in and have the hang of everything.

 

Aaron

It has been 10 years since we had Aaron. That is a long time. There are so many vivid memories I have of when I was carrying him and when I had him and when we buried him. Little moments and pictures etched in my brain. Most of the time now the memories and the emotions that came with those memories are more…hazy so they aren’t as fresh or close to the surface. Other times they are as real and raw as the day I had them.   Some of them seem like random moments that I don’t know why I remember, others are more specific. It took us 6 months to a year to get pregnant with all of our kids, except Aaron. He took a month, if that. I remember telling my mom and having the realization sink in that I would soon have two kids running around when I told her. I took Matthew with me to one of my first appointments and he opened the bathroom door while I was trying to pee in a cup and was running all over while the doctor was checking me. It was a disaster. I found someone to watch him after that. I remember the look on my doctors face when she heard his heartbeat at my 16 weeks check up. She chased the ultrasound technician down in the parking lot on his was home from work to come and do an ultrasound right then. I was concerned but not thinking anything was really wrong that couldn’t be fixed. The next day they called me to come in and have a more detailed ultrasound done at the main office. It was last minute and I didn’t have someone to watch Matthew, I think Ryan must have stayed home with him so I could go. The technician was pretty rude, I remember thinking she had to squeeze me in and she was not happy about it. I was honestly expecting her to say everything looks great and kick me out the door and be done with the nagging worry I had in the back of my brain. I remember the pause when she measured his heart rate and took images of his heart. She had a quick intake of breath and her tone changed from curt to overly kind. She said she would get the findings to the doctor as quickly as she could so they could get back to me. I was walking down the hall after I left her room and she called after me and handed me some ultrasound pictures she had printed off for me to have. That is when the nagging worry in the back of my head changed to a sinking dread in the pit in my stomach. I went home and I remember telling Ryan and he gave me a hug in the kitchen and said it would be okay.  We found out the next day it wasn’t. My doctor called and said that there was definitely somethings abnormal about his heart and I needed to go to the Perionatologist.  There was only one in Wichita and my doctor said they would be able to get the information we needed but warned me that they were not the most compassionate doctor and staff.  Ryan and I went to my appointment and as my doctor had told me they were awful. I honestly don’t put much effort into remembering specific things about that appointment. Everyone was callous and tactless and uncaring to a level that was surreal. They mentioned ‘he’ when they were talking to each other- not Ryan or I, so we found out our baby was a boy, which was exciting even though the way we found out was not how we expected. They told us there was some major problems with his heart, it was worse than anyone thought, and we could come back in a month to have them tell us their findings and answer our questions.  Ryan was ready and started to cause whatever type of scene necessary to let them know that was unacceptable and we weren’t leaving until we had a full explanation of what they had found. I was in shock and couldn’t process or think straight so I just wanted to leave. My doctor called me the next day when she got their report and told us. I remember walking up our stairs to sit down on the couch when she called. That is when we found out Aaron’s heart had not formed right so it obviously couldn’t work right and our options to fix it for him were pretty slim. I remember telling people over the next few weeks and it was almost like I was telling someone else’s story. It took awhile for me to wrap my brain around it. I kept waiting for whatever was going to happen to be erased and someone to say ‘oops, we were wrong, everything is fine’. That never happened. It is hard to explain but all the emotions and stress and decisions and plans that had to be made were so intense that when I look back at it now it seems like more of a physical experience. At the time I felt like I was trying to go about life with a bowl of water around my head. Everything was blurry and muffled. Then occasionally things would clear up and I have a snap shot and a memory of that moment.

I remember deciding I wanted to pick his name out right away and I immediately knew what his name was. It wasn’t a name I had thought about before or anything, but I remember as soon as I had the thought I wanted to pick his name, Aaron, popped into my head. Ryan said he liked it and we should think about it, I didn’t think there was anything to think about. No other possibilities even came to my mind when I tried to think of them. We gave him my dads middle name and his full name is Aaron Michael Terry.

I remember my mom coming to see me and going on a walk with her. My sister came to see me and helped me feel like a normal person for a few days. I remember Ryan telling me he got a new job and we were going to move back to KC. The timing seemed ridiculously bad but actually wasn’t. Ryan went to KC during the week to work and I stayed in our house while we tried to sell it. He was staying with our friends the Guernsey’s and after about two weeks of this Liz called and told me it was silly for me to be down their alone and to come stay with them while our house sold and we were finding a new one. Living with them saved me. I didn’t have any close friends in Wichita. I felt like a project. I didn’t realize it at the time but Ryan told me later that I was pretty depressed and he knew we had to leave Wichita. Ryan got the job in KC and changed schools for the MBA he was half way through so I could be closer to people we knew and family could get to us easier.

When we got to Olathe the fog and haze lifted a little and I felt like life was more manageable. Instead of being by myself I had company during the day and had a true friendship that I hadn’t had for two years in Wichita. We went to a new Perionatologist in KC and it was about as far in the other direction as possible experience from the first doctor we saw. I think I was hoping that the original diagnosis was wrong somehow. The new doctor did more ultrasounds and went over everything with us as he did it. I felt like I had known him a long time, not just met him ten minutes ago. He was kind and compassionate while he delivered the worst news of our lives to us. Aaron was a one in a million baby with a combination of several different heart issues so there wasn’t a specific name for it. If anything could be done it would have to be a full heart transplant immediately after birth but the chances of him surviving birth were almost none. The chances of him making it full term were slim too. The bigger he got the less his heart would be able to keep up with what he needed.

At some point I realized that this was the time I was going to get with Aaron and I needed to do what I could with it. I read to him, sang to him, rocked with him, talked with him, cried, laughed and loved him the best I could. I was able to get to know him and feel his spirit while he came to earth just long enough to get his body.  I know that he is my son and we agreed to this before I even came to earth.

Matthew is the only we had when we had Aaron, so he actually held him. He was just shy of two so he doesn’t remember it, but all of the kids talk about him like they know him and he is their brother even though they won’t meet him in this life. Remembering him is one of the things that brings peace to me. I want to remember him and I want our kids to remember him. When other people tell me they remember him it makes me feel grateful and happy.

So every year on his birthday we have a special family day to celebrate and remember him. We plan a day of activities together to enjoy being together and talk about what what it would be like if Aaron was with us and what he is doing in heaven. We visit his grave and put flowers on it for Fall.

First Day of School!

Summer ended and we have started a new school year!

Matthew is starting his first year of middle school in 6th grade. We went and walked his schedule and practiced opening his locker. The bus picks him up our front at 7:07 am. He wakes up at 6:15 and is ready by 6:30 then stresses that he is going to miss the bus if I don’t let him go out to the bus stop before 7. Then he gets home from school at 4:15. They added a last minute PE class as an option for an elective. He wanted to drop art and take the PE class instead but we talked him into sticking with art because he already has a PE class and he plays plenty of sports.He thought he would be the only boy in art class but was pleasantly surprised to find more boys than girls in art. He figured out how dressing out for PE works and seems to be settling in pretty good. The school gives everyone a computer that is theirs for the school year. He thinks its pretty cool to have his own computer.

Allison is in 3rd grade this year. They have new chairs that don’t look like chairs at all and spin, she thought that was great. Her teacher is very young and this might be her first year teaching but Allison seems to like her. She was ready to go to school and sits by a few people that she already knew. Her best friend Carlee is going to the new elementary school that was just built so I was a little worried she would struggle with finding some new friends but she has seemed to do great. She likes being the one in charge walking home since she is the oldest now. It has only been a few days but she has been doing a good job at being kind and watching out for Emilee. Her lunch is one of the earliest at 11 am, last year it was at noon and she was always starving to death so she was excited to have an earlier lunch this year. She wanted me to walk her to class and then leave. No need for staying around or dragging anything out.

Emilee started kindergarten! She was really excited when we got her a new backpack and shoes and picked out her new outfit for the first day. When we went back to school night and realized that I would  not be going to school with her she back peddled a little and said she no longer wanted to go to school. She was pretty shy when we got there the first day and hid her face behind her hair, but has been doing great. She likes deciding if she should eat a school lunch or take her own. She is still adjusting to how long it is and when it is bedtime says she doesn’t want to go to school but is always up and ready in the morning. The girls wake up at 6:45 for breakfast, prayers, and scriptures. That was a big concern for Emilee, she is not an early  riser but she seems to be doing ok with it so far.

I am adjusting to my new normal, with no kids home during the day. It is exciting and I look forward to having the day to get my stuff done and then be able to focus just on my kids when they get home. I had a little more of the panic, nervous, anxious feelings though then I expected. Sending all three of my kids off to school all day for someone else to take care of, influence them and make sure they are safe makes my anxiety go up.

Allison’s Baptism

Allison turned 8 on her last birthday so we had her baptism this past weekend. Both grandparents were able to come and Ross and Lauren’s family came, plus a few friends. It was a pretty good day. A year ago she was telling us she would never get baptized. Then a little before her birthday she decided it was something she did want to do. She helped me pick our her new scriptures for church and a carrying case for them.  Her baptism was at 5 pm on Saturday so we spent the day at our house, visiting and playing with cousins and eating lunch together. She looked beautiful and did a great job. When her dad gave her the gift of the Holy Ghost he told her she was a valiant and tenacious spirit. I loved those words to describe her. Sometimes when we talk or teach Allison something about church she gets irritable and prickly and doesn’t want to listen or do it. She didn’t want to have a FHE on baptism, practice how to do the baptism, or invite anyone to her baptism. I think it is mostly the source of the information. One more thing that mom and dad are ‘talking at her about’. She doesn’t like to talk about how she feels or explain things that we read to me but I think that she feels the spirit and somethings are sinking in. It was really sweet after her confirmation she shook everyone’s hand or hugged them. When she got to her dad she hugged him and just held on for a little while. That is not very typical of Allison. After her baptism and confirmation she wanted to have donuts and root beer for refreshments. Grandma and Grandpa Jones gave her a picture of a path through a forest to remind her to stay on the right path. Grandma and Grandpa Terry gave her a necklace that was an 8 to remind her of her special day. Dad and I gave her scriptures and a little book to write down stuff about her day.

As a little side note, while Alli was getting changed after her baptism, her friend Michael Dunn asked his mom to look up her birthstone. She told him it was a ruby. He said, “Ok, I am going to give her a ruby with diamonds around it for her wedding ring.” They have been friends since they were born and their older siblings tease them that they are boyfriend and girlfriend, which bothers neither of them at all.

Butterfly Festival

The past few years we have gone to the Butterfly Festival at Powell Gardens in August with the McDonald’s. Matthew went to another friends house for the day but the girls and I went. It is a fun time. Each year they have a theme. We decided last years was our favorite so far. It was mythical creatures and they had giant statues ‘hidden’ around the gardens to find. This years theme was big gardens. They had several extra big garden items around the gardens. It is a beautiful place with flower and food gardens. It is peaceful to just walk around and look at everything. My favorite part is the butterflies. They have a big atrium that they have butterflies just flying around in to see and hopefully they land on you. They are very pretty.

Summer happenings.

I have some ‘random’ pictures on my phone from this summer that I thought I would put in my blog.

These first ones are a double rainbow. We have had lots of rainbows this summer! Big beautiful full ones and at least two double ones that I can remember. Pictures don’t do it justice of course but it helps you remember.

 

 

double rainbow

Then we have Joaquin, Matthew, and Jake in that order. These buddies play on the same baseball team and they clicked immediately when they met. They have a lot of fun together and work hard at baseball together. Joaquin and Matthew play short stop and second and they are fun to watch. They are both little speed demons and are athletic and make some great plays. Joaquin’s family is going to be living in the Philippines for the next three years. They will come home for a 6-8 weeks in the summer and Joaquin will play with us when he is here but it is sad to see him go. They had one last sleep over together before he left. They stayed up late, played way to much video games, had pillow fights, talked baseball, and stayed fueled with pop tarts. An incredible night in Matthew’s words. 🙂

Three Amigos
Baseball buddies sleep over.

Emilee and dad were taking silly pictures on his phone together the other night and he ended up with this one of her and him among the silly ones. He told me he loves this picture and I need to do something with it. I think that means he wants a physical copy of it. He has a picture of Matthew about a week old that he keeps in his wallet, and a favorite of Alli and him making silly faces at work. Isn’t that so sweet!?! Ryan says he isn’t the sentimental type but he is. Pictures and t-shirts, he can’t get rid of either of them. 🙂

Dad and Emi, looking way to grown up for being our little peanut.

 

Emilee usually sleeps with the clothes she is wearing the next day under her pajamas-for time saving purposes obviously. When she wakes up in the morning she takes her pajamas off then usually comes and crawls in bed with me. I woke up the other morning and she wasn’t laying next to me so I went to see who was awake and who was still sleeping. Sometimes Alli likes to sleep in her bean bag instead of her bed and when Emilee woke up she decided to snuggle Alli in her bean bag and dozed off. I sat there and watched them like a creepy person and enjoyed their positive sister interaction. We are past the mid point of summer, happy sister moments are fewer and farther between the constant fighting and picking at each other. I will take it when I can get it, even if they are not conscious.

They do like each other!

We finally made it to the Penguin Park. We invited several people to go with us but it never worked out with schedules so we decided to just go ourselves one morning. It was a 40 minute drive. The kids thought it was cool but it just isn’t as fun to not have a bunch of people to play with at the park (heaven forbid you make friends with someone already there) so after 30 minutes the last kiddo (Emilee) came and said she was done playing. I think I have decided to not do park destinations for a while.

I tried to start some creative summer fun the other day to get the kids doing something different and stop begging me to play or watch electronics. I was hoping they would take off with it and do it on their own but instead they humored me and I kind of made them do it. Allison got mad before we started filming and wouldn’t participate anymore, but she was invited. Thanks for being good sports boys!

We tried to do some service related activities this summer. One of our favorites is the Harvesters Food Service facility. Most of the time the youngest you can be in 8 to help so Emilee wasn’t able to go with us yet but Matthew and Allison love it. We were able to go three times. The first time it was just the three of us. Then after that we tried to take friends with us. This last time we went we had a full car. Five boys, two girls and one me. I felt a little out numbered with that many kids. It was a little hard to keep some of them on task the whole time but it was still fun. It is good service, way better than video games and boredom. We grabbed some lunch afterwards and took everyone home. We also found a fun project that we can do at our house whenever we have time and that everyone can do together. We decorate book marks, place mats, and lunch sacks for the Meals on Wheels program. When we have a bunch decorated we drop them off at the office and they use them for the meals. Emilee can help us do that one too so it is perfect for Sundays, FHE, or times when they are bored.

This last picture is Allison and her friend Michael Dunn. These two are two peas in a pod. They get each other that is for sure. They have known each other since they were born and they tell their parents all the time that they are going to get married someday. Our families went swimming together for one of our last days of summer. We were there all afternoon, the first little bit was a little rough for these two. They had to work their grumpiness out and get along with people. Not each other, they were both having issues with other people. This is both of them in time out taking a break until they can be nice. About two minutes after this picture was taken they went back and played just fine for three more hours.

Allison and Michael working through their emotions together.

Dear Allison

Dear Allison,

This year is a big year for you. There is a lot of growing up in third grade. You are getting old enough that more will be expected and required of you. Your teacher will expect more responsibility from you. I want you to be a happy person Allison. Sometimes you might not think that, but I promise you it is true. I want nothing but the best for you. I want you to have real life long happiness. You are a sweet special girl to me. I LOVE YOU!! So, here are a few things I want you to remember as you start your third grade school year.

Pick good friends. Friends are important. Friends feel like everything, but if you don’t choose wisely, you can easily end up where you don’t want to be. Pick friends that have high standards. That think learning is cool, and that make you feel good about yourself. Pick friends that aren’t into being mean, and controlling you, and putting others down. Pick friends that want to do good, and be kind, even when someone isn’t kind back. Remember to be a good friend to others too. If you are kind and happy, you will attract kind and happy people. You are lucky to have a sister and a brother to be your friend your whole life. They can always be a friend when you need one.

Be yourself. Just because all your friends want to do something, doesn’t mean you have to. True friends will admire your confidence in being true to yourself. You are blessed with confidence Allison. I love that about you. Sometimes I think you feel like you have to be perfect and know everything. You don’t sweetheart. It is okay to admit you don’t know something. If you aren’t sure about something it is okay to ask for help. It will actually help you be more confident to recognize when you need a little extra help. It is good to let others help you.

Take care of your body. You do a good job at getting ready and wanting to look nice when you go places. That doesn’t mean having the trendiest clothes or the coolest shoes, or looking like someone else. You are a beautiful girl Allison. I want you to feel pretty and special and comfortable. Don’t stress about what everyone else wears or how they do their hair and having to be like them. You are beautiful the way you are. I love helping you do your hair and make sure you have clean nice clothes to wear. I want to help you. I love it when you accept my help. Your body is a gift, feed it good healthy food, drink water, and keep it clean. You are gifted at gymnastics. Use your talent to have fun, learn, and grow. Challenge yourself to learn and be able to do new things. Let your coaches help challenge you. Remember to take care of your body physically, spiritually, mentally, and emotionally. All are very important.

School is important. Remember to enjoy learning and really learn stuff. Not just learn it enough to pass the test then forget it. I wish I had taken more time to enjoy learning when I was in school. It is hard to imagine now but when you are done with school, you will miss it sometimes. Having no responsibilities other than learning doesn’t happen as much the older you get, if ever. Enjoy that opportunity now.

Have fun. You’re going to be adjusting to a lot of new experiences in school, and it’s important to have fun. Try not to worry about being perfect, and relax into everything that comes your way. You only get to be this age once– you don’t need to grow up too fast.

Talk to us. If you’ll talk to me, I promise I’ll try to be understanding. I’ve been there. Friends hurt my feelings. I hurt my friends’ feelings. I made mistakes. I also know you’ll hear and see a lot of things that might make you scared, or worried, or confused. Talk to your dad and I about them, and I promise, you’ll feel better. Your dad and I love you like no one else does, and we always want to help you.

Don’t get wrapped up in girl drama. Sometimes girls aren’t nice. I wish I could stop you from ever having someone say something mean to you but I can’t. I can help you when you feel sad or your feelings are hurt though. Always remember to not be the mean girl too. Remember how you feel when your feelings are hurt and don’t make others feel that way by being mean, even when it is hard. You are a funny, smart, creative girl Allison. I love it when you share your kindness and happy side with me. Other people love it too.

Be the example. It’s hard being the example, and sometimes it sucks. But, people will look up to you for standing out, making good choices, and being kind even when you feel uncomfortable or uncool. Kids can be mean. So, stand up to the bullies, speak out against things you know are wrong, and don’t be afraid to be different. Even when it sucks. You might miss out on things, but I promise it’s not the end of the world, even though it feels like it. Be the example when you can, because you are brave, and strong.

Remember that we love you. I may not always know exactly how you feel, but I was your age once, and I remember the fun and not so fun things about third grade. You are never alone. You have a family that loves you, and even though we fight and argue sometimes you are one of my greatest treasures Allison. I love you more than I can explain. No mistake you make will ever make me feel different. YOU WILL ALWAYS BE LOVED. No matter what. Your Heavenly Father loves you too. No matter what situation or where you are, you are never alone. Heavenly Father is always there and will here and answer your prayers. I know this Allison. I promise you this. There have been many times in my life when He has comforted me, helped me, protected me, guided me, and reminded me that I am never alone and He loves me. Learn to listen, recognize and follow the promptings you receive from the Holy Ghost. You get them daily. It takes a lot of practice, but you are so amazing and smart and I know you can do anything you put your mind too.

Enjoy third grade my beautiful girl! You’ve got parents at home that always have your back. You are a power house Allison. You have the tenacity, brains, courage, and confidence to do so much good in your life, and bring so much happiness to those around you and yourself if you choose. You are beautiful inside and out. Don’t be shy about showing others how kind and thoughtful and sweet you are. I know we sometimes drive each other crazy but I wouldn’t trade you for anyone else in the entire galaxy. I love being your mom. I am blessed to be your mom. I love you!