Sometimes I laugh with my friends about how parenting changes from kid to kid. I’m not talking about the differences caused by each kid because they are a different kid. I’m talking about the things that you wouldn’t see a reason for doing different from kid to kid but there seems to be a pretty steady pattern anyway, I will leave it for the reader to figure that pattern out. The reasons for the pattern as you read on are numerous and debatable. Some of the more ‘popular’ or ‘obvious’ I have come up with are; experience, inexperience, perseverance, attrition, hind sight, fortitude, wisdom, time, sanity, lack of sanity, and the amount of sleep to required effort ratio. In no way do the patterns imply or mean that one kid was loved more or less. I love all my kids and they were all cared for and loved and the day I finally got to meet them and bring them home were some of the happiest days of my life. Mostly this is just for my kids to laugh at and compare the ‘unfair’ and ‘unjust’ discrepancies in their childhoods.
Pregnancy.
- Matthew- I bought ‘What to Expect When You’re Expecting’ and read one chapter ahead each week so I would know ‘what to expect’ then read the chapter several times during the week to make sure I remember and new it all.
- Allison- got the book out in case I wanted to reference it, but ended up using it as a coaster on my nightstand instead.
- Emilee- donated the book before I was even pregnant with her because I needed the space for Harry Potter on my shelf.
Birthing Class.
- Matthew- I researched different options, got opinions from others, call or email several different instructors for their credentials. Reserved my spot for a one hour six week class months in advance in case it filled up.
- Allison- laugh that I went to one the first go around.
- Emilee- Are they still doing that?
Birth plan.
- Matthew- The above mentioned class tells me to make a written birth plan to give to my doctor so we are all on the same page when it is time to deliver on ‘how I want the birth to go’. I ask my doctor when she wants me to get that to her and she says- she doesn’t. I’m relieved because it sounds like homework and I didn’t want to do it anyway. My plan is to go to the hospital and let them take it from there.
- Allison- Silently judge people (mostly silently) that actually do this…plan all you want the baby is coming how and when they want. Go to the hospital and let them take it from there.
- Emilee- Get this baby out of me as fast and painless as possible.
Pain Management.
- Matthew- Learn everything about getting an epideral and possible side effects for me and the baby. Want an epideral but feel a little guilty that I’m not ‘tough’ enough or ‘am willing to risk’ a fore mentioned risks involved. Decide I am a fan of modern medicine and have nothing to prove or be a hero about and get an epideral.
- Allison- Request an epideral immediately after checking into the hospital.
- Emilee- tell the front desk to get the epideral on the way before I am even checked into the hospital.
Packing bag.
- Matthew- Bring way to much crap to prepare for any possible scenario to the hospital including living there for 6 months and twelve different options for a first outfit picture.
- Allison-Have one small bag packed and ready, Ryan can get anything I don’t have.
- Emilee- if the hospital doesn’t have it I’ll go without for 36 hours.
Going to the hospital.
- Matthew- Call the doctor, nurse, and hospital tell them everything that is going on and refer to book every five minutes until deciding it is really time to go to the hospital.
- Allison- Schedule and induction date leave Matthew with grandma and check in and out of the hospital on schedule.
- Emilee- Get a haircut and a pedicure when I start having regular contractions two weeks early so my toes are cute while I’m in the hospital. Call Ross and Lauren last minute to drop the kids off on the way to the hospital because I was planning on having grandma watch the kids for another induction date in two weeks and had made no back up plan. Show up at the hospital without calling them or my doctor.
Husband during labor.
Matthew- Eat Chipotle in front of me while I am in labor, starving and only allowed ice chips. Have to go sit down with his head between his knees and breathe in a bag when I get an epideral.
Allison- Sneak me a bite of his Chipotle while I am in labor, starving and only allowed ice chips because he feels guilty for eating in front of me last time, I throw it up. Have to go sit down with his head between his knees and breathe in a bag when I get an epideral.
Emilee- Eat Chipotle in front of me while I am in labor, starving and only allowed ice chips, refuse to share with me when I ask because last time I threw up and ‘that was gross’. Have to go sit down with his head between his knees and breathe in a bag when I get an epideral.
Babies first night in hospital.
- Matthew- Refuse the offers to take him out of my room for any reason because the book said there are creepers standing outside my door waiting to swap my baby or sneak them past the hospitals security protocols and I am his mother and can take care of him myself without any help even though this is the first 5 minutes I have been responsible for another human beings complete safety and well being and I am exhausted. Ryan sleeps on the sofa so I am not alone and complains its the worst night sleep in his life.
- Allison- I agree to let them take her to the nursery so I can rest. Call and make the nurse come back immediately because in my exhausted state I didn’t feel I looked close enough at her credentials before she took Alli. Her credentials look legit so I let them take her and get a nap. It is glorious. Ryan settles in for the second worst nights sleep of his life on the hospital couch.
- Emilee- She doesn’t cry AT ALL in the hospital, she stays with us during the day but off to the nursery at night so I can sleep. I try to convince Ryan to follow them to the nursery, he says I am paranoid. Ryan tries to suggest he sleeps at home but I tell him to get comfy in case I need something.
First outing.
- Matthew- Pack EVERYTHING I might possibly need in case we never come home again in my diaper bag, back-up diaper bag, and the back-up back-up diaper bag. Arrive an hour late because I had to change him and me twice when he pooped on us, threw up on us, and then had to go back because I forgot the back-up diaper bag. Upon arrival, look down and realize instead of shoes I am wearing fuzzy neon blue slippers.
- Allison- Chuck the back-up diaper bags, decide to carry one bag to be my purse and diaper bag. Keep a pair of flip flops in my car for when I forget to change my slippers. Arrive only a few minutes late but look completely disheveled.
- Emilee- If you need me, you can find me at my house wearing my fuzzy blue slippers, until I feel like taking three kids somewhere. I get a cute really big purse keep wipes, diaper, and a plastic bag inside for outings. Emilee wears nothing but a diaper for the rest of church several times after she has a blow out.
Bottle/Nursing Starting Solids
- Matthew- Have a strict rotation schedule alternating bottle and nursing so he doesn’t get ‘nipple confusion’ start introducing solids at the earliest possible time. Spend hours coaxing him to eat, measuring what he eats, and introduce foods every two weeks.
- Allison- Try nursing for two weeks, then switch to pumping and bottle only because it is not working. Wait as long as possible to start solids, introduce a new food every 3-4 days.
- Emilee- She gets her tongue clipped in the hospital so she can nurse without killing me. Takes a bottle or nurses with no issue. Start solids as late as possible. Mostly fed by Allison because that entertains them both.
Toys for baby.
- Matthew- Pre-wash ALL toys before Matthew is allowed to play with them. If any other kid touches or plays with a toy it has to be washed again. Otherwise, all toys will be washed on a monthly basis. All toys have all parts, fresh batteries and are in perfect working order. Buy way to many toys that he doesn’t even care about.
- Allison- Throw out washing toys unless there is visible body fluids, its good for their immune system. Buy a few pink toys so she has ‘girl toys’ and take batteries our of any noise making toys. Giveaway half the toys because we have to many.
- Emilee- She can play with whatever is around the house as long as it isn’t toxic, sharp, or hot. If a toy hasn’t been touched for a month I’m giving it away because I’m tired of stepping on it. No batteries aloud.