When I was in high school I remember sitting on the grass outside for our Sunday school lesson. We were reading in the scriptures about the different gifts that God gives us. I was paying attention enough to follow along with the person reading, and when they said the gift of faith. I had the clear thought ‘You have the gift of faith’ at the time I took that to mean that I just believe, and to be honest I thought that was kind of lame. Lame because I thought it meant I was just a follower and didn’t have to think for myself.
Over the years I have thought more and learned a few more things that changed and expanded my original thoughts. (Imagine that kids, I started out with a little information and had to work to learn more, and I still have more to learn.)
First. I didn’t understand it. As with almost anything when you begin the process of learning, your knowledge is limited. My initial response to the thought of having the gift of faith as ‘kind of lame’ and the idea that if you had faith it meant that you ‘just believed’ no questions needed was incorrect and immature. This never sat well with me anyway because I don’t like the ‘just do it’ approach. I want to be a critical thinker, I teach my kids to be critical thinkers- don’t just be a sheep being lead around. In today’s world especially there are many paths that look enticing and okay but are the exact opposite. If the wrong influence gets the reigns in my life I want to recognize that and course correct(and my kids). I don’t know if we ever have a perfect knowledge of something in this life but we can continue to learn and better understand things.
God is the correct leader of the reigns in my life and I want Him to be so that my life stays on the right path. I know and believe that so I need to act on that and prove my belief by getting out of my own way and following Him. By choosing to follow Him, or having the gift of faith to confirm that knowledge that I should follow Him to me before I fully understand it does not make it any less my decision. To clarify, I have never thought following God made me weak. I am a strong willed person and even the idea of being ‘lead’ by anyone immediately rubs me the wrong way and raises the hairs on my neck. But that applies to people, not God. It was my misunderstanding of the gift of faith meaning that I was just a blind follower that chaffed me. God wants us to have a choice (hence the whole war in Heaven) Having faith helps my brain connect and learn what my spirit already knows easier while I am here and don’t remember everything I new before. Maybe part of the gift of faith is the ability to recognize and accept truth easier.
I don’t think God minds critical thinkers. He has it all figured out and His reasons and logic are perfect and I am not so me wondering or questioning how it all works together isn’t not having faith. All truth comes from God so if I am honest and diligent in following Him, eventually I will get to His answer anyway. Sometimes that path is more direct (always the best option) sometimes it is a little more circumferential, and if we are really bullheaded on some things it can be a lot of backtracking for ourselves by the time we get there. This applies to any truth not just spiritual truths.
Second. I wasn’t appreciating my gift. I see this happen with people all the time, but especially my kids. I need to see it in myself too. When you are just given something and don’t have to earn it or put much effort into getting it you are less grateful and appreciative of it. I don’t think Heavenly Father just gives us things, I think the gifts we have been blessed with were developed and earned before we came here. We don’t remember any of that though so when we realize a gift we have here, that we didn’t really ‘do anything’ to get we have to work harder at being appreciative of that gift and realizing the blessings it brings to our life.
Having faith doesn’t mean you accept everything no questions asked. I think it means that when you hear truth your spirit recognizes it and remembers it. Sometimes long before my brain catches up. Then as I study and ponder and learn those truths that I knew before that I am relearning they are brought easier to my mind. Some things I learn are immediately recognized and remembered as truth, others come as I am ready to accept them and study enough. I have had similar experiences like this and probably even more that I don’t even realize. Maybe this is the same process for everyone and I don’t have the gift of faith. Whatever the out come on whatever gifts I actually do or do not have I have recognized a way that I learn and feel the Holy Ghost confirm truths to me. And regardless of whether or not I have the actual Gift of Faith, I have faith. I have faith in my Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. I know I am a child of God and I know He loves me.
So that is a brief synopsis of my learning more about faith. Maybe in 20 years I will rewrite this and see what new I have learned.